I want the second chance for normal life

[Iwantthesecondchance]

@Impression thank you for the advice! I would love to stick to it, but, unfortunately, I live in a cheap building with many apartments and thin walls, and I cannot change it now. So, the sleep quality is far from good.

25 days PMO free. And no gaming.
But I won't lie, my emotional state now is far from good. In fact, it is very shaky. All problems that I was talking about above exacerbated. The situation with the woman is that I have no friend nor potential love story anymore. It is finished. I cried after her message, but it has not become easier. Just after receiving a message from her, I wanted to go watch porn and masturbate because I thought that the worst already happened.
And I have so much to improve in my life that I do not know where to start from and it stresses me limitlessly.
I get some opportunities seldom but these are not something that I am interested in so I do not chase them. I do not know how to stay strong. Just a couple of minutes ago, I wanted to call a prostitute and meet her. Then I wanted to watch porn. Somehow I was able to control myself again, but I do not know how long I can bare it. I am deeply depressed.

 

[Iwantthesecondchance]

27 days PMO free. And still no gaming (but less than 27 days, I do not count for gaming).

I think that while porn and gaming help to forget about your problems while you experience these activities in the sole moment of the process, as soon as you finish, you get the cumulative effect of the striking pain of realizing how reality is bad and the guilt of experiencing these habits at the same time. So, at the end, it hits harder.
And maybe not emerging into this activities once again helps me to navigate a bit better and avoid the rocks.
I came to the realization that this woman might have some sympathy for me, maybe not strong enough to start romantic relations with me, but I am sure that there is something. Yet it is not enough, she has high standards, and I do not actually meet these standards at all. I am not even close. And the women who look at me, I am not interested in them at all. So, if I'd like to have the woman that I like and who actually meets my own standards beside me, I have to go through immense growth journey and only then I will be able to attract this woman.
While I could have developed in my teenage years and my 20s and even 30s, I wasted my free time on porn, video games and people who do not deserve it. So this is where this gap that I need to fill comes from.
So, I need to find motivation. No looking back. Unfortunately, I do not know how to turn back time and correct all my mistakes. So the only way is to move forward. Just forward.
I speak as if I already fixed the problems with my erectile disfunction and the related ones...

 

[Impression]

One step at a time. Progress is as simple as showing up for yourself everyday. Showing up to your walk everyday, showing up to your work everyday. Start by building small positive habits, these compound and before you know it, you will have achieved a huge amount. Each time you want to watch porn, do 10 pushups instead (or something like that). Replace your negative habits with something that actually gives back to you, not takes away from you. You’ve got this! Well done for making it this far.

 

[Iwantthesecondchance]

@Impression thank you so much for your words of encouragement! They help me to move forward and to believe in the positive outcome.

33 days PMO free. Still no gaming after my last post.

It is pleasant to see that I am able to avoid all my bad habits even though I have not cultivated any new good habits. I had a desire to masturbate a couple of days ago, and it was quite strong, but at some point I told myself that it won't help plus it will stop my journey. I do not know how, but I was able to control my thoughts quite soberly.
With gaming, I do not play either, although sometimes I really want to. I think that I was able to withstand the temptation of playing the game because I also stopped watching youtube videos about the game. Plus, the woman once told me that it is really not cool if someone plays. So, her words influenced me quite strongly.

My health issues concern me a lot. I clearly understand that I cannot move forward because of my health issues in my private life, and it gives me a lot of pain. Also, because of that, I have some mental problems, too, which affect my mood, my motivation, and my career.
Anyway, I will try to fight.

 

[Iwantthesecondchance]

Today, I had a wet dream, and it was very weird. Usually, I have wet dreams when I am stressed and when I do not sleep well for a number of nights in a row. This is exactly what happened. Without going into further details, I have been very stressed recently and I have had insomnia. Yesterday night, I went to sleep and I had a dream where one of my ex-s was stimulating my prostate and then I ejaculated in real life. I do not even know why she came to my dream because I cut all the contacts with her as she was very manipulative. I was sleepy so I did not understand if I wanted to pee or it was an ejaculation. So, I tried to stop it but it was too late. A question to the readers: "When you suddenly wake up during your wet dream, do you try to stop it or you let it go as it already happened? Are there any physical side effects if you try to stop it? "

As it was not on purpose and I did not use any stimulating content be it porn or instagram or anything else before going to sleep, I do not count it as PMO. So, I am 39 days strong now.

However, the recent events in my life make me think of playing games tonight. I do not know how to withstand the pressure. I still do not want to do it, but I feel how the latest events made me suffer and I do not have a lot of mental strength now.

Good luck to everyone who reads this post and I wish your porn free weekend.