A journey to find my best self

Notthepope

New Member
I have lately really been trying to discover the best of me that I can be, yet through that, all pornography addiction still haunts me. Today I again found myself engaged in PMO. I am engaged in so many places that I yearn to be my best, I am someone who as a religious person and a religious leader seeks to find the best in everyone and also myself. It is with myself that I am constantly coming up short. I have sought many different avenues in my journey of addiction from counseling to close friends but I recently came across this forum and really wonder and think, well one more place of support and connection can't hurt, can it?

I am not sure what exactly I am looking for here in this space other than to connect with a community of people who are growing and learning how to as the name says, reboot. My story is long and my weeds are deep, but I hope that I can experience something new and seek to reboot here.

So I guess that's my introduction. Let me take it a little further. My name is JP, I am 25 years old, married and raising an almost 2-year-old son. I work close to home as a pastor in a local church and as a teacher locally in our school district. I have been engaged as an extrovert, ENFP, type 7 enneagram in many different avenues that involve people my whole life. I am energetic but also deeply reflective. I love discovering new things about others and myself through spaces that create community, books, writing, and unpacking all of this in quite spaces, (the best place being driving, I love driving places to clear my head.)

My struggle with PMO began when I was 11 or 12 with online content. Was pretty minor but grew and grew into heavier content as I got older and older. I have really connected well with counseling again and again in my life but it has always been moderately helpful. I have shared with close friends who have tried eagerly to connect as accountability persons but has always never been as often maybe as I need and often fizzles out. I now really only have one distant friend where we periodically check in with each other, which is amazing but not quite enough. Being someone who was raised religiously I was hopeful marriage would be that place where I would escape this struggle, but quickly found that often it did not help much in that area. Lucky, I find for myself, is that I have a wife who is very supportive in my journey towards rebooting, but still hurting her everytime I engage with porn is hard for both of us. I really am seeking to reboot and discover a different life away from this.

I guess my goals then are to create a community of people that I can have as support when I am in a place of relapsing. That as I seek to reboot myself I can have a place to go in the difficult places where I find addiction eating me alive. I hope to be able to reboot myself as hope for me and hope for others, that I might pour not just into myself but also be a source for others to come to and find freedom.

This is me and I hope that this forum can be a safe place to grow and meet some other rebooters like myself.
As I often write,
Grace and peace,
JP
 
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