Lost in the wild

Tango

Member
Hi Guys,

I wanna start my reboot process with this journal and share my experiences. I am very inspired by the members here, those who have been successful, those who continue on with a commitment to reboot.

I started PMO when I was 16 or 17 as soon as high speed internet arrived, I wonder if high speed internet sales were driven by PMO in those days. I did have my suspicions and fears about this, how addictive it was, I even consulted a doctor, read stuff online. I was of the opinion that there is nothing wrong with it and it can be healthy at less frequency, the doctor (not a specialist) just mentioned that occasional rests will be needed just in case of any other muscle. Little did I know that I was walking into a trap, Soon it felt addictive, PMO was necessary for sleep, to handle stress, to have fun, to fend off boredom, to not be lonely and a whole for a lot of reasons. I might have been regular on PMO, multiple sessions or atleast once everyday for the past 12 years. Everything went fine until recently I started getting weaker erections for porn. I am 28 now. I have experienced this once before and it lasted just a few days, I assumed that my body needed to regenerate the resources as I probably over consumed them. But this time, it has been a week since I have had a strong erection for porn. I have always (ever since I can remember, except for occasional morning wood in teenage) noticed loss of erection upon standing up, which all adds up to my list of worries. I am 28 now. The desire for porn and sex remains, but there is no arousal. I feel that my body has gone low on resources and my brain has become desensitised.

Based on posts here and other online data, I have concluded that PMO is no longer an option. It needs to be cut off from my life, I have tried this in past, even in my teens, just because of my suspicions and hatred for this addictive habit. But, I was always unsuccessful. At times, I made peace with it, considered it as normal. But, I realise now that it is completely unnatural to have a relationship with your hand and a screen. It is a disastrous consequence of technological advancement combined with lack of awareness, carelessness from nation states.
 

Fappy

Respected Member
Welcome! and well done for having the resolve to beat this filthy habit once and for all! youve found the way to defeat it. there is no fucking chance in FUCK that you can ever hope to make peace with PMO. just look at the many ways in which it has fucked up your life. how dare PMO destroy your life (and penis)...
youve got some great weapons here in this forum to beat it, so stick around and talk to us and get all the info you need. work out your triggers and identify what they are so you can stop them before the urge takes hold. PMO addiction is a tricky little cu#t, it will use a plethora of tricks to try and get you to slip up, just know theyre all illusions and arent real. its the porn brain trying to sink its dirty claws in you! shoot it in the face and show it whos boss. YOU!
 

Tango

Member
Welcome! and well done for having the resolve to beat this filthy habit once and for all! youve found the way to defeat it. there is no fucking chance in FUCK that you can ever hope to make peace with PMO. just look at the many ways in which it has fucked up your life. how dare PMO destroy your life (and penis)...
youve got some great weapons here in this forum to beat it, so stick around and talk to us and get all the info you need. work out your triggers and identify what they are so you can stop them before the urge takes hold. PMO addiction is a tricky little cu#t, it will use a plethora of tricks to try and get you to slip up, just know theyre all illusions and arent real. its the porn brain trying to sink its dirty claws in you! shoot it in the face and show it whos boss. YOU!
Thanks for words of encouragement and motivation, I plan to work on my journal every day for the first three weeks. I will focus on a healthy diet, workout and be mentally prepared for complete flatlining. It would be important to be not afraid of flatlines, one of the expected urges during weeks of flatlining is to test penis by doing M or PMO. I plan to consult a doctor, may be online, if not for the pandemic, I could do it sooner.
 

Fappy

Respected Member
sounds like a plan! and dont be afraid of the flatline. the flatline is your friend! its also a welcome break to let it hang their, dead and unresponsive - it deserves it, its put you through enough trouble so let it die for a while. its also an essential stage of the process, you must let your cock die so it can rise again! (literally)
as for the doctor thing, just a heads up, some doctors refuse to credit PMO as the cause of someones erectile problems - going so far as to say its a myth! they might even suggest some pills to help with your floppy dick - these doctors are idiots. anyway, keep writing and keep alert!
 
Hey, Tango. Good news- you started at porn in late adolescence unlike people like me(I started when I was ten). Therefore there's a good chance that recovery period is going to be shorter for you. Congratulations on this step. We are here for you. Let's beat this together!
 

Tango

Member
Day #1: I went through day one of reboot (19th May) by reading, watching youtube vids about PIED, reward circuit, etc. I did work out in both morning and evening, its very important to loose that extra 4kgs to become a better lover ;) Besides that, my 9 hour job keeps me occupied, yet WFH has dangers for rebooters. One new piece of info was from Dr. Trish Leigh YouTube channel, she says that penis nerves also get desensitised after a lot of PMO, learnt what edging is, there are a lot of vids on reboot on this channel. RN post by william under porn addiction is very good, has very useful links on reboot preparation and withdrawal symptoms. I hope that one day, recovered people can convince govt to include a disclaimer on the porn vids to warn young new users about PIED and other issues. Just as they do in cigarette packets.

I had morning wood today, it just went away as soon as I woke up.

Yesterday (18th May), I did a PIED test, I did get hard for my fav porn but my brain was getting distracted, I started thinking about other things, my erection was getting weaker because of this, I had to focus a lot to stay hard. Getting hard for porn was difficult without touch, there is no way I was getting hard without porn :( My suspicions were correct, I got bored, desensitised of porn after a decade, its hard for me to find new porn that I like, right from the beginning, I never liked porn that doesn't start with some intimacy, like touching and kissing. Right now, my brain is definitely not interested in watching ones that I already have, I have never spent money to watch new ones :) so thats not an option.

There is still a lot to prepare, I realise that preparation and setting up the ground rules are key. I hope to get completely prepared for first 30 days by this weekend.
 

Tango

Member
sounds like a plan! and dont be afraid of the flatline. the flatline is your friend! its also a welcome break to let it hang their, dead and unresponsive - it deserves it, its put you through enough trouble so let it die for a while. its also an essential stage of the process, you must let your cock die so it can rise again! (literally)
as for the doctor thing, just a heads up, some doctors refuse to credit PMO as the cause of someones erectile problems - going so far as to say its a myth! they might even suggest some pills to help with your floppy dick - these doctors are idiots. anyway, keep writing and keep alert!
Thank you for writing back, I was terrified when had flatline for few days a year ago. But now I am prepared for it :) In adolescence, when I was sleep deprived and PMOing everyday to sleep, I wished I never had a penis or had it cut off hahahaha, those were horrible times. I realise now that sleeplessness is a result of PMO, this PMO has really toyed with my mind. Unfortunately, I tried to live with this habit as I couldn't break it. I wasn't aware of the negative effects to penis, brain from long term use :(

Oh about the doctors, I am definitely not gonna take pills for erection, I have read about long term effects from pornstar confessions, it will affect other vital organs like the heart.
 

Tango

Member
Day#2: I missed PMO at times, watching a trailer for a new series made me feel attracted to the actress, gave me thoughts about PMO. But, I didn't indulge. Friday is finally here, planning to do more reboot preparation.

Had morning wood today, went away after waking up.
 

Tango

Member
Day#3 : Weekend is finally here. I can't remember consciously going through 3 days without PMO. Most of the day was spent at work and walking around the house. Luckily I have a lot of interests other than PMO, I keep myself updated with geopolitical news from all over the world, follow indian diplomacy. So, I spent some time watching news, I often switch to comedy central channel, I can never get enough of FRIENDS or MOM.

I did have a short week erection today while standing, so thats an improvement since my erections have always ghosted when I stand up :(

I did have morning wood today, after waking up. I was just lying in bed when it happened. but it was for a very short period of time. I might have had one during deep sleep.
 

Tango

Member
Day4# (May22): Successfully went through without PMO. Writing a journal is very helpful to stay away from PMO. I don't ever wanna record my defeat to PMO cravings, I wanna continue my streak. I did some weight reps and went for a run yesterday.

I didn't have any morning wood today, I did have a 60% erection when I was just scratching my sack while lying in bed.
 

Tango

Member
Day5# Successfully went through without PMO.

No morning wood today, I guess flatline has started, noticed semen leakage during bowel movement. As per YBOP, this is occasionally expected during reboot.
 

Tango

Member
Day#1: I relapsed :( I was disturbed due to some late night arguments and did not sleep. I couldn't sleep for a long time, around 4 am, decision making part of brain did not work :( I PMOed once to sleep.

Observations: Though my flatline was for only a couple of days, I had better erection, it seemed bigger and harder.

Now, I have to get into flatline again and build my progress. I just wanna be done with this and not drag it for a long time. Its disheartening to realise that I have extended my recovery.
 
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Phineas 808

Respected Member
You can do it, Tango! Rooting for you!

As you mention in your opening post, PMO was also a coping mechanism. Be aware that when stresses of life come, emotionally upsetting things like an argument, a misunderstanding, or rejection, when they come, the lower brain is going to reach for its dopamine hit.

But as you learn to dismiss urges (no matter their 'trigger'), your brain will eventually reach for normal stuff to cope and deal with life's ups and downs.
 

Tango

Member
Day 0#

I relapsed again, a more comprehensive, better approaching is needed to fix this. I didn't focus on having some faptivities. PMO does leave a void, one can never afford to let their energy levels, gaurd down while tackling this problem.
 

Fappy

Respected Member
OK, so you relapsed. Its going to happen again, dont kid yourself. itll happen a few more times nbefore you really get a hold of it, but with every relapse is a chance to learn what the trigger was. however, just to be clear im not advocating that you go out and seek to relapse again just for the fuck of it! No, that would be bad advice. Just dont get too down about it. You relapsed. Learn from it. Dont do the same mistake again.
 

yogi

Active Member
Hi Tango

Just hang in there buddy

This thing (relapse-reboot-relapse) is a reality of life for all of us who are trying to recover

The most important thing is to get back up when you are knocked down.

Every time you start a reboot cycle after relapsing, you are actually weakening the addiction circuits in the brain.

I do not know if you have read any material on the science of porn addiction. I suggest you go through the content on the " Your Brain On Porn" website (just type it in google). In fact it is through this website that I discovered this forum.

Not only that, what you will realize is that porn addiction is very similar to any other addiction. It causes changes in our brains, and there is a science behind it. You will begin to comprehend the phenomenon called relapse, what happens during a reboot etc

Learn from others from this forum. Keep posting about your progress.

We all shall overcome this!
 

Tango

Member
Hi Tango

Just hang in there buddy

This thing (relapse-reboot-relapse) is a reality of life for all of us who are trying to recover

The most important thing is to get back up when you are knocked down.

Every time you start a reboot cycle after relapsing, you are actually weakening the addiction circuits in the brain.

I do not know if you have read any material on the science of porn addiction. I suggest you go through the content on the " Your Brain On Porn" website (just type it in google). In fact it is through this website that I discovered this forum.

Not only that, what you will realize is that porn addiction is very similar to any other addiction. It causes changes in our brains, and there is a science behind it. You will begin to comprehend the phenomenon called relapse, what happens during a reboot etc

Learn from others from this forum. Keep posting about your progress.

We all shall overcome this!
Hi Yogi, thanks for the comment. I have gone through Gary Wilson's TED talk several times and I look around YBOP every now and then, I am so soo happy that there is indeed a cure , a light at the end of the tunnel. I am grateful to my body, its mechanism to heal.
 

Tango

Member
Day #1 :

I successfully went through the day without PMO.

I see my fucked up future with PMO, a life without motivation, love, girl and a happy, sexually healthy version of it without PMO. I know the one that I desparately want.

I have gone through so many days without morning wood during my PMO days, not even knowing that it is a symbol of good health, not being aware and carefull about sexual health was sooo stupid.

There is a lot at stake now, a very real urgency attached to it as well. I will fix myself and my penis.
 

Tango

Member
Day#2 (Jun3): Successfully went through without PMO.

I was able to evade some triggers today :) I use the below two thoughts to evade and avoid PMO. Moreover, my decision and resolve to quit provided me that 3 to 5 secs of time after a trigger to think these two points :)

1) Comparing my future personality, life experience with and without PMO. Loving a real women sexually, being happy instead of disappointing her.
2) I know that my PMO trained, PMO craving nerve cells in brain is the "Porn beast dragon" that wants to burn me alive. The only weapon that I have to defeat it is to make it "STARVE" to death.
 
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