Defenistrateo
New Member
So very recently while in a ted talks rabbit hole (psychology, feminism, abuse, ect.) I came across a talk by Eli nash on porn addiction... it gave me a funny feeling in my stomach, I've heard of porn addiction loosely, but also have been told that masturbation is normal, men are hunters, visual creatures, the lies stretched out before me like a sea of shit.
So I like many people here was introduced to porn at an early age, I can't remember the exact date but before the age of eleven. I can vaugly remember the scrambled channels on TV occasionally coming to focus, softcover late at night, pages of a destroyed magazine baywatch... it was literally everywhere. It was also around this time that masturbation came up as a normal and healthy in sex ed, ackwardly taught to a bunch of children by realitive strangers. I never got the talk at home, no man ever explained what it was to have sex or why we did It, so tv was like many of us my only guide. I slightly predate the internet (born 1983) but was a teen as it blossomed into the magnificent monster it is today. I can remember MSN cybering and dial up porn pages, watching a picture come in one line at a time. It wasn't till my early 20's that I had regular access to high speed internet but by then I could get porn the old fashioned way. The point being it was always available.
Now I haven't had the most g rated life, trouble in the family, mental and emotional abuse, I took LSD for my first time when I was 12(ish) then was an active drug user and addict till I was 28 when I conceived a daughter. Honestly porn and mastubation was right there thru all of it, through all the torrid relationships, the alcoholism,the cocain, the meth, the varied hallucinagenics. The difference, I didn't much hide the drug or alcohol use or the slew of women I slept with... strange how all those negative things are accepted as problems but porn never came up.
In my mid thirties I had a breakdown, I came apart, I had been seeing a very nice young lady, one 9 years younger than I and beautiful, inside and out. I destroyed that relationship, it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I swore to myself I was going to get better, to heal, to prove to myself (and more truthfully her) that I was worthy of her love. I've never been so wrong. The narrative of my story was wrong, it's taken me my whole life to realize it, to accept the truth about the whole thing. I've spent the last five years on a path of self-discovery, philosophy, psychology and biology trying to find the answers, I have made leaps and bounds, I am not the boy I was five years ago I'm not the boy I was one year ago. So in an effort to continue my path, I say well, why not this to.
So I like many people here was introduced to porn at an early age, I can't remember the exact date but before the age of eleven. I can vaugly remember the scrambled channels on TV occasionally coming to focus, softcover late at night, pages of a destroyed magazine baywatch... it was literally everywhere. It was also around this time that masturbation came up as a normal and healthy in sex ed, ackwardly taught to a bunch of children by realitive strangers. I never got the talk at home, no man ever explained what it was to have sex or why we did It, so tv was like many of us my only guide. I slightly predate the internet (born 1983) but was a teen as it blossomed into the magnificent monster it is today. I can remember MSN cybering and dial up porn pages, watching a picture come in one line at a time. It wasn't till my early 20's that I had regular access to high speed internet but by then I could get porn the old fashioned way. The point being it was always available.
Now I haven't had the most g rated life, trouble in the family, mental and emotional abuse, I took LSD for my first time when I was 12(ish) then was an active drug user and addict till I was 28 when I conceived a daughter. Honestly porn and mastubation was right there thru all of it, through all the torrid relationships, the alcoholism,the cocain, the meth, the varied hallucinagenics. The difference, I didn't much hide the drug or alcohol use or the slew of women I slept with... strange how all those negative things are accepted as problems but porn never came up.
In my mid thirties I had a breakdown, I came apart, I had been seeing a very nice young lady, one 9 years younger than I and beautiful, inside and out. I destroyed that relationship, it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I swore to myself I was going to get better, to heal, to prove to myself (and more truthfully her) that I was worthy of her love. I've never been so wrong. The narrative of my story was wrong, it's taken me my whole life to realize it, to accept the truth about the whole thing. I've spent the last five years on a path of self-discovery, philosophy, psychology and biology trying to find the answers, I have made leaps and bounds, I am not the boy I was five years ago I'm not the boy I was one year ago. So in an effort to continue my path, I say well, why not this to.