What decision to make in this complicated situation?


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Hello everybody,
I will start with a brief history of what happened. I have been addicted to PMO for more than 10 years (I am currently struggling to stop this disease, I am already more aware of the triggers, I have relapsed a lot of times). For 4 years and until now I am in a beautiful relationship with my girlfriend. But about two years ago (where I didn't even know or acknowledge that I had a problem / PMO addiction and where porn was consuming me too much, spending hours and hours looking for new content of all kinds) looking for content from escorts, one day I decided pay for a service. I went to the apartment where he was staying and that did not last more than 10 minutes. From that moment I felt devastated inside, with a great moral pain, totally sorry for what I had done. I gave myself much more to God, I went to church to confess my sins, I told my parents this and since this happened I became more aware, even after this I found the RebootNation forum and realized that I had an addiction. For about 20 days I stopped PMO, but I relapsed into PMO several times, but more and more aware of what made me relapse and with all the attitude to stop this evil. Also a few months ago I told her about my addiction and she said she fully supports me. The fact is that I am in a great dilemma: to say or not my infidelity to my girlfriend (I have not told her yet).

I recently realized that my father was unfaithful to my mother with a female companion, that made me feel like an insider (because she doesn't deserve this). I know that he watches porn and in one way or another that is also affecting him, well, but in this post I am not going to talk about his problem, I will focus on mine. Now, learning about this, he reminds me of what happened to me two years ago, and again I feel great moral guilt.

Do you think I should tell my girlfriend about the escort? I recently relapsed, I thought that when I completed the 90 days to tell her (Would it be better after 90 days?). I don't want to lose her and I don't want the beautiful relationship we have to change or that she mistrusts me, but I also don't want to keep this moral guilt that I have, because I think it is important to be honest above all. The truth is, I love my girlfriend very much, I want to continue with her always and keep her loyalty, she is an incredible woman in every way.

Help me please.
God bless you!


Respected Member
Why would 90 days be better? if you think 90 days would be better than why not tell her after 6 months? or a year? i dont think the amount of time you delay in telling her is going to have any impact at all on how she handles it. whats done is done, 90 days, tomorrow,a year from now, three years from now, all the same.
is there any way that she could ever find out? if not, just dont tell her and deal with the "moral" consquences in your own way


Yea I got to be honest. I’ve cheated and been cheated on in previous relationships. Shit is no good, and it’s going to haunt you. But did you learn, grow and hold yourself to account? If so, use this as an opportunity to push yourself into being the best partner you can be, let it be a reminder of how easy it is to be unfaithful, and recognize the hurt you have caused yourself and to the relationship. Someone who gets cheated on is haunted by this their entire lives. I honestly would not tell her, and by god make sure it never ever happens again.


Active Member
I'm gonna have to side with the other 2 responders. My father in-law got caught looking at P and his wife insisted he go into therapy. He obliged and entered a support group at their church. The groups policy is to confess your entire past to your spouse, the whole thing... Well it turned out amongst being sexually assaulted by a family friend(teenage girl), he was 8, that he'd had a 1 night stand back in 1982, this was 2012 when he told her, they'd been married since 1970. She did not handle it well at all, even with 30 years of time since and made him confess everything to his grown children as well. I think she expected some sort of huge outrage from them, but when they didn't react how she wanted, she was further distraught. Afterwards they entered couples counseling and very soon after she was put on depression meds, followed by anxiety meds and on and on. Over time she acted like things had improved between them, but they still slept in separate beds and she just looked hollow and just floated thru the days. Over the next 7 years her health deteriorated at an alarming rate and in November 2019 she died suddenly one morning after he left for work. I know confessing our sins is mandatory in the Christian faith, but I don't think confessing this to your spouse or SO is always best. Confess to God, to a friend, a priest or even your preacher, but dropping this on the innocent party seems cruel unless you want to end the relationship. Its your sin, not theirs and asking them to carry it may be too much. Some couples have done alright afterwards, but I think there is a reason why God allows for divorce when sexual infidelity takes place in a marriage, some spouses just can't deal with it. In a situation where you get caught, sure own up to it, but if you get away with it and feel guilty then end the behavior, but I'd advise saving them from the pain. IMHO