Hello all! I am currently 150 days into my hardmode reboot. I am experiencing tell tale signs of recovery, and like many men going through this process, I would like to begin reintroducing sexual activity with my fiancé.
We have known each other for nearly ten years, dated for 3 and are due to be married at the end of August. Since beginning my reboot at the end of the year, we have had several sexual encounters that were amazing, and several where I just was not able to perform and it really rocked my fiancé.
we are now sort of in a limbo where I honestly feel like she is completely shut off from the idea of physical intimacy. I was honest with my porn use, and to the best of my ability have been honest about everything else. However I still do not feel that I am more than halfway through my recovery
I completely understand the damage that my ED, dishonesty and porn use has caused to her self confidence snd body image, and have been understanding and not pushy at all about our lack of sexual encounters. But going sometimes 60+ days without anything seems unhealthy to me.
my questions for partners is how should I actually feel about this? Should I be worried that we are entering a slump we can’t get out of? When I bring it up she says she’s sexual and wants to experience a sexual relationship with me, but if I touch her or bring the subject up sometimes she will pull away or literally just pretend I didn’t say a word. Should I continue to give her space and let her bring up physical intimacy when she is ready while I continue to heal? I love my fiancé, but also feel like she no longer finds me attractive. I get that I caused damage to the relationship, but as a recovering addict the only way I can see to get out of this slump is to try again, or at the very least try and reintroduce basic bonding activities, but even those seem to be awkward for her now.
PS - I am about to start going to a sexual health therapist who I am sure can give me additional insight, but as partners of a recovering addict I feel the insight of this community would be better suited.
We have known each other for nearly ten years, dated for 3 and are due to be married at the end of August. Since beginning my reboot at the end of the year, we have had several sexual encounters that were amazing, and several where I just was not able to perform and it really rocked my fiancé.
we are now sort of in a limbo where I honestly feel like she is completely shut off from the idea of physical intimacy. I was honest with my porn use, and to the best of my ability have been honest about everything else. However I still do not feel that I am more than halfway through my recovery
I completely understand the damage that my ED, dishonesty and porn use has caused to her self confidence snd body image, and have been understanding and not pushy at all about our lack of sexual encounters. But going sometimes 60+ days without anything seems unhealthy to me.
my questions for partners is how should I actually feel about this? Should I be worried that we are entering a slump we can’t get out of? When I bring it up she says she’s sexual and wants to experience a sexual relationship with me, but if I touch her or bring the subject up sometimes she will pull away or literally just pretend I didn’t say a word. Should I continue to give her space and let her bring up physical intimacy when she is ready while I continue to heal? I love my fiancé, but also feel like she no longer finds me attractive. I get that I caused damage to the relationship, but as a recovering addict the only way I can see to get out of this slump is to try again, or at the very least try and reintroduce basic bonding activities, but even those seem to be awkward for her now.
PS - I am about to start going to a sexual health therapist who I am sure can give me additional insight, but as partners of a recovering addict I feel the insight of this community would be better suited.
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