Just Marking the Time:(No responses needed)

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Yes, let that 21 days be your new standard. You can and should do your abstinence without porn filters, blockers, support groups, 12 Step programs, or anything else that disempowers you.

All my successes (I did 139 days, currently over 40 all in this year coming out of 2020) was without those things. You’re right, you take it to the heart, and are not just white-knuckling it, like a dry drunk.

Your progress is not lost, get up and build on your success.

I’m not sure where the water fasting is coming in (fasting worked once for me 1990-91), but since has been very minimal in helping me. In fact I would wager that guilt surrounding breaking it this time led to your latest lapse.

No matter, you’re doing great and will continue to do so. Keep it simple and non-moral (under His grace).
 
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Artemus

Active Member
Day 002: No PMO, No FAP, No Food(Water Fasting).

#273.4

The Fasting really isn't for just one thing, but I appreciate the words of encouragement. I guess you'd say I'm looking to "Reset" my life. I'm 51, way over weight, my finances are scary and I've felt considerable stress since Nov 3, 2020. Most days I feel pretty good and have a positive attitude, but I confess that sometimes the metaphorical winds get to howling so loud, the shutters banging against the house that I become fearful and stressed and the hourglass on my life is rapidly running out. I can feel the days ticking away and more and more I identify with the Pink Floyd song, "Time". Its when things reach that crescendo that I just want relief and habitually reach for PMO instead of Jesus like I know I should. These days I really identify with the part about running to catch up with the sun, but I've always identified with the part about missing the starting gun. True confession, I honestly think "none" of the education I received at home or in school did me any good at all to be prepared for "Real" life. For years I kept trying to do what I'd been told I should do and the way I was told to do it and it failed every time. Its like I was given a bunch of square pegs and all the holes were round and when I'd question it they'd just hand me another square peg and say, "Here, try this one." I need this fast, my heart, my soul and my body just need it because I am thoroughly exhausted. Sorry, didn't intend to vent.


"Time"

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say

Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
When I come home cold and tired
It's good to warm my bones beside the fire
Far away, across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spell
 
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guitar1968

Active Member
Some serious stuff here today. I'm sorry to hear you lapsed, but also very happy to hear you jumped right back on the horse. I think that is the best thing we can all do. Those 21 days weren't for nothing. They are still there. That success is still there and you will build off of it. You sound like you understand yourself and your mind. I wish you the best of luck on your next streak!
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
I can relate to Pink Floyd, and the line of thinking/feeling in their music. Heck, I'm a veteran of a 1000 psychic wars (BOC) myself, so I get it.

For us believers, it's a matter of perspective. Belief or unbelief? I'm by no means saying you're one or the other, but this is the fork in the road presented to myself given my own life's challenges, and the [seemingly] insurmountable odds.

But it's all a matter of perspective, like the book of Ecclesiastes (vanity of vanities) pitted against the Song of Solomon (song of songs). I've lived from both perspectives, and the first one really sucks, and feels like 'Time' from Pink Floyd! But the second perspective is truly a matter of faith, and that includes all the 'real world' problems we face, about ourselves and our circumstances.

We truly need to be a people, who along with God, ...call those things that be not as though they were (Rom 4). Speak to your mountain, and tell it to move! (believing in your heart) and it shall be done.

I get the water fast, and the desire for a spiritual as well as a physical reboot.

Blessings.
 

Artemus

Active Member
Day 005

Thank you all for the encouragement and insights. I had to look up the, "Veteran of 1000 psychic wars" it sounded familiar but I couldn't place it. Blue Oyster Cult (Heavy Metal), awesome! Those lyrics ring true, like they've been here too. In times past I wasn't sure victory was attainable for me, but I've since moved on from their, realizing its a matter of faith. It would be impossible if I relied or expected victory in my flesh alone, but in faith it all becomes possible. Feeling good today, its quiet in my mind and even though I know the tempting thoughts will return at some point, I'm not concerned, just aware. My fast I had to abort for a few days, you can't do any heavy physical labor the first few days and my mother called to tell me my father was misbehaving and that I needed to come get him back on track and that means doing a bunch of stuff he's made excuses for not doing. So I had lunch, packed a bag, got some tools together and was ready to head out. That's when the wheels came off the wagon, my car broke down here in the driveway and my wife had the other car at her work. Then my mom called back and said that my father had sprung into action at hearing I was coming and that I wasn't needed. He's always been that way, for some reason he has to compete with me and try to show me up at everything, even if I'm not competing with him. Its crazy, but it was just enough to ruin my fast... Uggh! Anyway, so today I begin again with that. I think everyone else has more say over my life than I do. Yes, youth has past me by, but I'm far from done and a thousand times wiser. I am a veteran of a 1000 psychic wars, with all the scars and fresh from the fight. Once more unto the breech dear friends, Once more! I see your Blue Oyster Cult and raise you an Iron Maiden.

"Veteran Of The Psychic Wars"


You see me now a veteran of a thousand psychic wars
I've been living on the edge so long
Where the winds of limbo roar
And I'm young enough to look at
And far too old to see
All the scars are on the inside
I'm not sure that there's anything left to me

Don't let these shakes go on
It's time we had a break from it
It's time we had some leave
We've been living in the flames
We've been eating up our brains
Oh please don't let these shakes go on

You ask me why I'm weary, why I can't speak to you
You blame me for my silence say It's time I changed and grew
But the war's still going on, dear, and there's no end that I know
And I can't say if we're ever...
I can't say if were ever gonna be free

Don't let these shakes go on
It's time we had a break from it
It's time we had some leave
We've been living in the flames
We've been eating out our brains
Oh please don't let these shakes go on

You see me now a veteran of a thousand psychic wars
My energy's spent at last
And my armor is destroyed
I have used up all my weapons and I'm helpless and bereaved
Wounds are all I'm made of
Did I hear you say that this is victory?

Don't let these shakes go on
It's time we had a break from it
Send me to the rear
Where the tides of madness swell
And been sliding into hell
Oh please don't let these shakes go on
Don't let these shakes go on
Don't let these shakes go on


"Wasted Years"


From the coast of gold across the seven seas
I'm travellin' on far and wide
But now it seems
I'm just a stranger to myself
And all the things I sometimes do
It isn't me but someone else

I close my eyes, and think of home
Another city goes by in the night
Ain't it funny how it is
You never miss it 'til it's gone away
And my heart is lying there
And will be 'til my dying day

So understand
Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Face up... make your stand
And realise you're living in the golden years

Too much time on my hands, I got you on my mind
Can't ease this pain so easily
When you can't find the words to say
It's hard to make it through another day
And it makes me wanna cry
And throw my hands up to the sky

So understand
Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Face up... make your stand
And realise you're living in the golden years

So understand
Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Face up... make your stand
And realise you're living in the golden years

So understand
Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Face up... make your stand
And realise you're living in the golden years
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
I see your Blue Oyster Cult and raise you an Iron Maiden.

:LOL: ! That's good. Yeah, if another song reference comes to me, I'll let you know.

But I agree, we don't rely on the flesh to overcome this thing, but on the Spirit in our human spirit. We give place to our spirit-man over and above the flesh, and that includes 'religious white-knuckled' approaches that only cause us to fall flat on our face. But I have found, even in the heat of the moment, Father God helps us to walk away and gives us strength to 'change the chanel' into the spiritual.

Peace and strength.
 
Day 15,

Crossing the 2 week threshold has been a while, I had been in a cycle of 8 days for a bit. I'm not sure or don't remember if that's a significant time frame biologically but I do remember that as the Delta FosB is depleted that I will experience urges to replenish those levels.

Today I'm feeling stress, quite heavily, both my parents are elderly, 82 and 77 as well as my uncle who is 67. All 3 are tiring to deal with: My father is convinced his doctor has been experimenting on him because he changed his medication dosage without telling him. I don't classify that as experimenting, but my father naturally tends to be a bit paranoid and conspiratorial when it comes to certain things. My mother has nothing nice to say about my father and likes to manipulate those around her for sympathy. My uncle lives closest to me and has a myriad of health and physical issues and I am his main assistant getting him to doctors appointments and other errands. Between the three of them I think I'd like to move further away so they can't reach me. I suspect with some of my help that I am enabling and enabler in my aunt. I could share more detail to demonstrate my stress level issue but I don't want to.

Normally a day like today would dictate a multi hour PMO binge fest and the thought crossed my mind, but I'm not going to for several reasons. First, I don't wish to start over counting. Second, even though I had the thought I dismissed it and moved on. Third, like I stated in an earlier entry I want to see what lays beyond this hurdle, what is out there beyond 15 days post PMO. I've explored PMO in a myriad of ways and I've exhausted its zeal, PMO is dead to me, its sparkle and promise of pleasure have turned to ash in my hands. I stare down at the pile of ash that is my time spent on PMO, I clutch in both hands as it spills out and runs over the sides of my grip. How awful I put so much into nothing. What could I have done with that energy and time I spent, sitting in a chair with pants around my ankles?
Once more unto the breech Dear Friends, Once more...
NSGC led me to you with prayer. Your father, your mother and your uncle teach you about charity. Being at their service without complaining is an even bigger challenge than stopping PMO, indeed a help to strengthen you against that horrible addiction we are suffering from for causes that science explains and faith sweeps away. I will track your progress and pray for you. Thank you.
 

Artemus

Active Member
NSGC led me to you with prayer. Your father, your mother and your uncle teach you about charity. Being at their service without complaining is an even bigger challenge than stopping PMO, indeed a help to strengthen you against that horrible addiction we are suffering from for causes that science explains and faith sweeps away. I will track your progress and pray for you. Thank you.
Day 006, (Water only, please.)

#275.0

Holding Fast. No idea who or what NSGC is, but thank you for dropping in... On that day you quoted I was venting, not because I want to complain about helping others but because at least one of the people I help has someone else who could and should help, but instead gets me to do it so they can continue spoiling their adult child. So my helping is actually enabling them to do what I consider a disservice. My parents are just doing what older people do, regressing to child like behavior. I love them, but them being locked up for a year during the, "Scamdemic" has taken a toll on them and I don't see them recovering from the mental damage done by governmental over reach.

Moving on, mind is clear and I feel good and focused on getting some work done.

Later, Dudes
 
Day 006, (Water only, please.)

#275.0

Holding Fast. No idea who or what NSGC is, but thank you for dropping in... On that day you quoted I was venting, not because I want to complain about helping others but because at least one of the people I help has someone else who could and should help, but instead gets me to do it so they can continue spoiling their adult child. So my helping is actually enabling them to do what I consider a disservice. My parents are just doing what older people do, regressing to child like behavior. I love them, but them being locked up for a year during the, "Scamdemic" has taken a toll on them and I don't see them recovering from the mental damage done by governmental over reach.

Moving on, mind is clear and I feel good and focused on getting some work done.

Later, Dudes
Sorry, I'm Italian and I put the initials of Our Lord Jesus Christ. Thank you for your response, and let us not forget the maternal intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary during our difficult process of abstinence and healing. In Maria's woman there is a vision of purity that expresses what Pastor Craig says when he talks about recovering purity in the beautiful and motivational video you posted.
 

Artemus

Active Member
Sorry, I'm Italian and I put the initials of Our Lord Jesus Christ. Thank you for your response, and let us not forget the maternal intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary during our difficult process of abstinence and healing. In Maria's woman there is a vision of purity that expresses what Pastor Craig says when he talks about recovering purity in the beautiful and motivational video you post
Gotcha. I think the video you are referring to was posted by someone else, TerryTX I think is his name. I myself havent looked at it.
 

Artemus

Active Member
Day 007,

#271.2

Had an interesting moment this morning driving. From past experience I've noticed most falls don't usually come after some head-on sudden intense temptation, it usually follows a slow boil. In my own experience if I follow the trail back it usually starts with some small random thought that I didnt deal with immediately, and most times it isnt usually full on pornographic, but its enough to get the ball rolling and then over hours or days it grows in intensity until I consent. This morning I was driving and a movie popped in my head I havent seen in a while, not a porn movie but a movie with an erotic component in the story line. I began to replay scenes in my head when suddenly I realized where I was headed... Immediately I identified what was happening and shut it down. Thats pretty big for me, so many times I wouldn't realize where I was until I was swimming in thoughts like an erotic mental hot tub. Not this time, Praise God! As my faith increases things only get better, not faith in myself, but faith in Jesus Christ and what he promised he would do, if only I would put my faith in him.
 
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guitar1968

Active Member
Day 007,

#275

Had an interesting moment this morning driving. From past experience I've noticed most falls don't usually come after some head-on sudden intense temptation, it usually follows a slow boil. In my own experience if I follow the trail back it usually starts with some small random thought that I didnt deal with immediately, and most times it isnt usually full on pornographic, but its enough to get the ball rolling and then over hours or days it grows in intensity until I consent. This morning I was driving and a movie popped in my head I havent seen in a while, not a porn movie but a movie with an erotic component in the story line. I began to replay scenes in my head when suddenly I realized where I was headed... Immediately I identified what was happening and shut it down. Thats pretty big for me, so many times I wouldn't realize where I was until I was swimming in thoughts like an erotic mental hot tub. Not this time, Praise God! As my faith increases things only get better, not faith in myself, but faith in Jesus Christ and what he promised he would do, if only I would put my faith in him.
I'm much better and changing the subject in my brain during the day. At night as I'm trying to fall asleep and the porn fantasies and replays of past porn movies come into my head I have a terrible time of getting rid of them. I try thinking about something else and then I drift right back to the porn. That is my toughest time. Glad to hear you are gaining control of your thoughts. It does take work!
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Way to move on with your thoughts! Keep Winning the War on your mind! So glad you fought this battle and won as it build endurance to continue to fight this battle.
 
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