150 day report - Huge Gains

PKCowned

Member
Hello all! I have been working hard and patiently waiting to post in the successes thread. I want to give hope to everyone that healing is possible, because the success stories at a few points were the only thing that kept me going and motivated. Last night I had sex, twice, without the use of any ED pills or fantasy.

Today is officially 150 days since I last PMOd. I have M’d 2 times early into the reboot and both times I felt massively disappointed in myself. My fiancé and I have fooled around a handful of times and I have had sex 3 times in the reboot with the aid of ED pills. I have not Od in nearly 5 weeks before this.

I am 31 years old, in a 3 year relationship and have used PMO every day, multiple times a day, since 12 years old. before my reboot I could no longer get hard at all with my fiancé, and have struggled with ED with multiple partners and hookups (but had successful sex for years before total ED with partners). I could not get hard without porn, and if I stopped jerking off it would immediately go away. My porn tastes had escalated to porn that did not match my sexual preference, and I was edging to keep up the rush. I have been in a flatline for months.

Am I totally healed? I do not think so. I would say I am about 65%, finally over the middle hump of my recovery and am starting to get to experience the benefits of my new lifestyle. These benefits are not just sexual, but mainly psychological.

It sort of caught me off guard, partly because our sexual relationship has been hurt by my inability to perform most of the last times we have tried, and I had developed bad performance anxiety. We started making out after having an amazing time out last night after we both got off work, and moved into foreplay. I focused on her for a few minutes and finally felt myself in the moment, focusing on her breathing and her skin and I could just tell I was ready.

But this time even though the usual thoughts of failure were there, my erection remained, and as soon as I penetrated I was as hard as I could possibly be, like before all of this. I had been struggling with some PE in our previous fool arounds, but everything worked great, and I only needed about 20 minutes before I was ready to go again, and my erection came instantly when my lady asked if I was interested in round two.

I will continue on the path, this lifestyle of no PMO is now engrained within my paradigm, and I will never go back. I will continue to update every 30 days or so about if I re-enter flatlines, my mental well being and how I have reintroduced sex and my functioning’s with my partner. Thank you to this community for being the light in the night giving me hope.

I want to share the post that changed the way I viewed sex and my recovery. The reboot does not mean abstinence. You must rebuild yourself, not just stop doing PMO. I am not a perfect person, but I am learning to view sex in a healthy way, and am excited to share this with my soon to be wife, who is excited as well for my recovery and appreciates my new outlook. I owe a lot of my mindset change to this post, and have continuously gone back to it in times of struggle. Read this to bring your reboot to the level it needs to be in order to create permanent change.

Link - https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/too...my-thoughts-on-rebooting-extremely-long-post/
 

PKCowned

Member
Thanks bro for the story, keep it up and always remember why you started. Your story is motivating, i am 190 days hard mode now and i am barely half recovered. The 90 days are a lie, i was really hopeless and desperate when 90 days passed and i was exactly as day 1.

Tell me, do you also go through short windows where you would be feeling completely recovered lasting from a day to few days?

It's non linear, like 0% as full severe pied and flatline, to 50% to 20% to 70% to 40% ect... Each day and week is different.. is it the same for you too?

It may still be too early to tell, but I think I am leaving behind my second and more difficult flatline. I had my first flatline from February to late March, and had sexual activity late March that sent me into an even worse flatline. I mean this one was absolute hell. I have been feeling better the last few days and last night was proof that I am making serious progress. I imagine that any further flatlining will be much less intense and last a lot shorter since I am rewiring more completely to my partner. I am also not worried that a flatline will be undoing recovery, simply delaying gains at this point.

At the end of March I felt like 50% after my first flatline, then the nightmare flatline had me feeling back to square one, no joke. Currently I feel like a 65-75%, and I am much more confident with how my body feels in this more balanced state. I am also learning new ways to be intimate with my partner that go beyond just getting drunk or sending dirty texts, and my overall arousal has a healthier baseline towards my partner that has me feel that I can get aroused with much less extreme content. For instance I get hard just holding my girlfriend close under the covers now.

I have never felt recovered, but I do feel for the first time I have solid signs of recovery. But what exactly is recovered for us who have PIED/PA/PE and porn/masturbation addiction? Well, I have zero urges for porn. I no longer have urges to M, and the rare times I do I can easily brush it off. In that regard I am completely healed. My PIED seems to be on its way out. My PA is beginning to subside, and PE seems to be random right now.

But to answer your question, yes it has been non linear.. but now I feel that if I was graphing out how I felt, the line of average is moving progressively up each week, and so my bad days now are better than my best days a few months ago
 

PKCowned

Member
Just wanted to add that a full week after making this post I was able to have successful sex again without the aid of ED drugs. For about 2/3 days after the first instance I did notice tell tale signs of a “mini-flatline” but by about day 4 I was beginning to notice intense arousal in my fiancé, as well as a strong desire to be with my friends and work on hobbies that I ignored while struggling with the early stages of my reboot.

Funny thing, my fiancé told me that I seemed so much more confident last night after we hung out with a group of people, and that I looked so much more energetic. When we got home it took almost no effort for us to begin fooling around. However, it still took about 5/7 minutes of foreplay before I had a strong enough erection for sex. Once I got going though all negative thoughts were gone, and I was able to perform several times with zero difficulty. It was a cathartic release of anxiety that I feel holds less and less power each day over me.

Tonight I am going to start a thread in the PIED thread about a theory I have on recovery, and basically what it entails is a reboot is a multi-layered physiological and psychological change that encompasses many different things. You can be completely recovered in terms of dependency issues, but still struggling with PA/PIED/PE for instance. One of the goals in this thread will be to allow people to recognize milestones and small victories in their recovery that you might only notice months later when looking at your recovery in it’s entirety.

Once again I will end this post by saying I will not leave this community, and will continue to update with my progress and answer questions if anyone has them. I enjoy articulating my thoughts and feelings with this community, and know that together we can change the perceptions of sex and sexual dysfunctions that are destroying men, women and relationships.

talk to you all soon
 
Last edited:
Just wanted to add that a full week after making this post I was able to have successful sex again without the aid of ED drugs. For about 2/3 days after the first instance I did notice tell tale signs of a “mini-flatline” but by about day 4 I was beginning to notice intense arousal in my fiancé, as well as a strong desire to be with my friends and work on hobbies that I ignored while struggling with the early stages of my reboot.

Funny thing, my fiancé told me that I seemed so much more confident last night after we hung out with a group of people, and that I looked so much more energetic. When we got home it took almost no effort for us to begin fooling around. However, it still took about 5/7 minutes of foreplay before I had a strong enough erection for sex. Once I got going though all negative thoughts were gone, and I was able to perform several times with zero difficulty. It was a cathartic release of anxiety that I feel holds less and less power each day over me.

Tonight I am going to start a thread in the PIED thread about a theory I have on recovery, and basically what it entails is a reboot is a multi-layered physiological and psychological change that encompasses many different things. You can be completely recovered in terms of dependency issues, but still struggling with PA/PIED/PE for instance. One of the goals in this thread will be to allow people to recognize milestones and small victories in their recovery that you might only notice months later when looking at your recovery in it’s entirety.

Once again I will end this post by saying I will not leave this community, and will continue to update with my progress and answer questions if anyone has them. I enjoy articulating my thoughts and feelings with this community, and know that together we can change the perceptions of sex and sexual dysfunctions that are destroying men, women and relationships.

talk to you all soon
Man that's awesome. Congratulations!
I am seriously eager to read what you have to share. Cheers.
 

casanova

Member
Just wanted to add that a full week after making this post I was able to have successful sex again without the aid of ED drugs. For about 2/3 days after the first instance I did notice tell tale signs of a “mini-flatline” but by about day 4 I was beginning to notice intense arousal in my fiancé, as well as a strong desire to be with my friends and work on hobbies that I ignored while struggling with the early stages of my reboot.

Funny thing, my fiancé told me that I seemed so much more confident last night after we hung out with a group of people, and that I looked so much more energetic. When we got home it took almost no effort for us to begin fooling around. However, it still took about 5/7 minutes of foreplay before I had a strong enough erection for sex. Once I got going though all negative thoughts were gone, and I was able to perform several times with zero difficulty. It was a cathartic release of anxiety that I feel holds less and less power each day over me.

Tonight I am going to start a thread in the PIED thread about a theory I have on recovery, and basically what it entails is a reboot is a multi-layered physiological and psychological change that encompasses many different things. You can be completely recovered in terms of dependency issues, but still struggling with PA/PIED/PE for instance. One of the goals in this thread will be to allow people to recognize milestones and small victories in their recovery that you might only notice months later when looking at your recovery in it’s entirety.

Once again I will end this post by saying I will not leave this community, and will continue to update with my progress and answer questions if anyone has them. I enjoy articulating my thoughts and feelings with this community, and know that together we can change the perceptions of sex and sexual dysfunctions that are destroying men, women and relationships.

talk to you all soon
Awesome, congrats!! I'm curious to read your new thread when you're ready.
If you feel like checking out my story and giving me any advice you're welcome. 160+ days no PMO, 60+ days hard mode. I'm having constant MW, but still no libido towards women:
https://forum.rebootnation.org/index.php?threads/20169/
 

PKCowned

Member
Awesome, congrats!! I'm curious to read your new thread when you're ready.
If you feel like checking out my story and giving me any advice you're welcome. 160+ days no PMO, 60+ days hard mode. I'm having constant MW, but still no libido towards women:
https://forum.rebootnation.org/index.php?threads/20169/
I’ll be making it soon; ran into some work troubles last night that ended up taking most of my day. I have been following your posts Casanova, and I have faith you will reach a place that is good for you. However, I think your goal line might need a slightly closer end zone. You might be closer than you think, because you want to feel how you did prior to reboot, but we will never feel that way again if the reboot is done successfully. Allow me to explain;

I do not have the kind of libido I think we are all expecting to have again someday, but I am able to have sex. I think part of the problem is that since our libido and dopamine system had been hijacked, we never experienced a normal baseline libido, or at least have not for many many years. Yes, I am trying to take this slow because I want my complete recovery to be over, and yes, unhealthy arousal responses from porn and fantasy can slow down your response, but it’s still important for us to rewire our dopamine systems to real life stimulus.

I know something is objectively arousing, but i still find that I can’t get hard just by looking at my partner naked. But once we start fooling around, and I understand she is aroused also, I quickly get to the state I want to be.

we are both on similar paths with similar recovery durations at the moment. I think you would find that you are able to get aroused enough for sex if you were fooling around right now. As far as our old libido response? I don’t think we will ever feel that way again, and we need to learn as recovering addicts that that is ok, snd that we can still have sex with our partners when the time comes. In our recovery we will have a more balanced libido. You know you are horny, but are not hard at inappropriate times. You know your partner is sexy, but aren’t hard while in the car together. You might even be in the shower together and get slightly hard looking at them.. but once you hold them close under the water, kiss them a few times in the couch or rub your hands over them you find you are actually getting hard. And even then it can still take a few minutes to get fully hard and that’s because we are still not fully recovered. But if this is how I am now after 160ish days, I am very confident by 320 I will be doing even better! I know it’ll be the same for you too.

how does your partner feel about all this? Would they be willing to fool around? If so set the scene, take them on a date and get a little wine and just have fun! I think you will be surprised by how far you actually have come. I know I am
 
Last edited:
Top