A Porn Story

Escapeandnevercomeback

Well-Known Member
I would do something similar. I don't know how intentional it was, but my little streaks away from porn kept the sensitivity toward more vanila versions intact and 'exciting'.

Conversely, staying away from porn in a serious and intentional way has helped me to get greater dopamine hits from normal life.
I started doing something like this after a period of 2-3 (?) years of 7 PMOs every day. And the way it happened was accidental. As I didn't know about porn's harm, I thought I was addicted to masturbation. I didn't know that masturbation and masturbation to porn were not the same. So I thought I was addicted to masturbation and I wanted to quit, only to realize that if I abstained for a few days, I had a better masturbation (of course PMO) session. Before that, I hardly got any high from that, because I was doing it every single day, 7 times on average. Once I moved to waiting 4 days, another level of high opened. Only the first PMO session because the rest of them were just the same as the daily binging shit.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
That's it, Escape. And it was kind of scary for me, because I felt I had the 'secret' to keeping dopamine levels high toward lower-level crap, and even avoiding PIED that so many on here suffer... I could continue this way, I figured, for years. But really, is that all I want out of life?? Is that the best I can do, or the best version of myself I can be? Hell no! While I could be 'that guy'- at the end of the day (or the end of my life), could I look myself in the mirror with any sense of pride or satisfaction?
 

CoolBreeze

Active Member
Day 86 No Fap No PMO

Feeling good. Been doing a lot of private journaling to deal with the emotions of my relationship that ended. Putting feelings down on paper or virtual paper really helps to cleanse the soul.

Peace and Strength Reboot Family.
 

CoolBreeze

Active Member
Day 90

Approaching mid day of Day 90 No Fap No PMO.

Feeling good feeling progress. Yesterday morning had MW for the 4 the time in my reboot. Throughout the day yesterday had random wood here and there for no reason. No urges but it just feels like it's ready to go if called upon with a real women. Not rushing that, it will happen when it happens. Right now it's about building a healthy relationship with myself and then the possibility of having a healthy relationship with a woman.

I've been thinking a lot about triggers and acting out and how one thing leads to the other. It's been key for me not to act out on my triggers. I just need to recognize them and deal with them in a healthy way which is emotional sobriety. When you stop using you have to start living.

Many things I learned in battling Alcohol Addiction I have to continue to put into practice and adhere too. It's difficult but I feel more motivated through the experience of recognizing my Porn and Sex Addiction. It's taken me some time to come full circle but it's progress and not perfection. By full circle I mean in recognition of my addictions. That dealing with Porn and Sex Addiction is closing the gap. Filling that missing piece of the puzzle of me. Once the puzzle is complete I have to maintain it and not upset the pieces by banging on the table to force my will and everything goes flying everywhere and I have to start again. Sometimes things don't go this way but the effort to maintain the complete picture will go a long way. You learn.

Whenever I would think of drinking my question to myself is always "What's next? What's after that drink?" I have the answer to that.

Same with Porn and PMO. "What's next?" What do I do after that PMO? I have the answer to that also.
All I have to do is pull the reference book of my life off the shelf and read the horror story of both things.

(You know the horror movie cliche of the girl going in to the dark room and the killer is behind the door and everyone in the theater is screaming "DON'T GO IN THERE!!!!" )
That's what I have to scream when triggered to view Porn Porn Sub and PMO and Drink "DON'T GO IN THERE!!!!!" I have to listen to that scream.

Peace and Strength Reboot Family. We Learn.
 

JerryTX

Active Member
@CoolBreeze Awesome job! Like you I agree with building healthy sexual attitudes towards relationships. I do feel during this journey my wife and I's relationship has improved tremendously. I a still working on it but great job on 90 with NO FAP and NO PMO! Proud of you brother!
 

CoolBreeze

Active Member
@CoolBreeze Awesome job! Like you I agree with building healthy sexual attitudes towards relationships. I do feel during this journey my wife and I's relationship has improved tremendously. I a still working on it but great job on 90 with NO FAP and NO PMO! Proud of you brother!
Thanks Jerry glad for your progress also. I feel better I feel the reboot of the brain. Don’t feel the need to act out with PMO.
Peace and Strength brother.
 

CoolBreeze

Active Member
Day 91 No Fap no PMO
As I come to the close of Day 91 I going to change up my Journal. I will continue to post but but maybe not daily. I'm keeping my counter going on my computer and will post my progress and experiences going forward. I'm not really comfortable to MO yet. Possibly in time. Hopefully I'll have a IRL experience but not going to rush it. Not going to rush anything.

Peace and Strength Reboot Family. We Learn.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Great Job Cool Breeze. I've been enjoying your journal the past 90+ days, only a bit shorter time that my own. Seeing your success and how you are approaching it is very helpful to me and probably to many others. Thanks. I'll look forward to seeing your posts as they come.
 

workinprogressUK

Well-Known Member
Whenever I would think of drinking my question to myself is always "What's next? What's after that drink?" I have the answer to that.

Same with Porn and PMO. "What's next?" What do I do after that PMO? I have the answer to that also.
All I have to do is pull the reference book of my life off the shelf and read the horror story of both things.

(You know the horror movie cliche of the girl going in to the dark room and the killer is behind the door and everyone in the theater is screaming "DON'T GO IN THERE!!!!" )
That's what I have to scream when triggered to view Porn Porn Sub and PMO and Drink "DON'T GO IN THERE!!!!!" I have to listen to that scream.
"what's next" is a great question. I'll try to store that for next time I'm triggered. And your story about the dark room is so true. I think you can go even further, though, in that for us, WE KNOW that the killer's hiding in the dark room, don't we? We might sometimes step through the door innocently and get triggered by surprise. But most of the time, I stepped knowingly into the dark room, even though there was a voice in my head saying "DON'T GO IN THERE"! Like you say - the key is to let that voice be the one I listen to, rather than the one that spins some reassuring but fake version of reality.

Congratulations on your 90-day sobriety. Rick star performance. Wishing you every success for the future.
 

zackergeet

Active Member
Day 91 No Fap no PMO
As I come to the close of Day 91 I going to change up my Journal. I will continue to post but but maybe not daily. I'm keeping my counter going on my computer and will post my progress and experiences going forward. I'm not really comfortable to MO yet. Possibly in time. Hopefully I'll have a IRL experience but not going to rush it. Not going to rush anything.

Peace and Strength Reboot Family. We Learn.
Congratulations on your 91 days, you are in a different level and now it is understandable that you have to change strategy. Hope you rewire successfully I will be checking your progress and following your steps.
 

CoolBreeze

Active Member
Triggers:
Felt some triggers today but didn't act.
1. Watching the news and a Dr was being interviewed about Covid. He had the same name that one of my ex favorite P stars. I won't mention the name it's not a common name. His was obviously real her's is not of course. But just seeing the name made me think of her P scenes. I laughed and threw it out of my mind.

2. Watching the Senate vote on infrastructure. A Senate staffer I guess had a shortest dress on sitting on the side with legs crossed and swinging her crossed leg.

3. Watching Breaking Bad audition video. One audition was Anna Gun simulating MO'ing
Bryan Cranston. You couldn't see him just her. I turned it off.

#3 was the only thing close to P sub but #1 and #2 would have driven me to my computer or device to a porn site to finish the job.

These are the things I shake off because I have a goal to stay Porn free. That's my mission. 3 months ago I didn't care. Today I do. That's been one of the major differences. I care.

Peace and Strength Reboot Family. We Learn.
 
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