Trying Again at Age 27

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Savagesauce

Member
I'm realizing that I need to completely cut out porn, and put my focus on dating. I've been out of a relationship for over 5 years, which I believe is contributing to my current porn problem. I need to be pragmatic about doing what it takes to cut out porn. I am going to look for an accountability partner, set a consequence for porn use and breaking my filters, and then focus on dating, my career, and personal growth.
 
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Savagesauce

Member
I just enlisted an old SAA friend as an accountability partner, and I am trying out dating apps again. To avoid unnecessary triggers, I opted not to use Tinder and will try Bumble instead. I'll see if there's other more wholesome dating apps out there.

I'm getting a system going again. With my accountability partner, I agreed I will donate 5 dollars to charity whenever I intentionally use porn or try to circumvent the software. I'm working on de-conditioning my mind by quitting porn, and recondition my mind by dating, and I'm going to focus on some life goals, like completing my degree and buying real estate.

I'm feeling a bit sluggish right now. I am finishing my last 2 weeks at my current job, which I am burning out from, then I will take a week off before starting a new job. I'm also in the process of looking for a new apartment. Things are looking up!

Unfortunately, I did masturbate again this morning, and I finished while thinking about porn. Trying to stop masturbating seems like a futile battle I won't win right away because of my high sex drive. This is why I think focusing on dating will be more fruitful, and I'll try to fantasize more about healthier, more meaningful fantasies. Over time, I think my porn-induced sexual preferences will fade.

Quick Points
  • Got accountability partner
  • Using accountability software now
  • 5 dollar consequence for porn use and circumventing software
  • Focus on dating
  • New job!
  • Moving to new apartment
  • Slip: masturbation w/ porn fantasies
 
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Savagesauce

Member
I've tried to quit PMO so many times, and have always relapsed. I'm done trying. I'll still check in and post here, but I don't know what I need to do to quit. I'm just going to keep living, and hopefully it will click eventually. It might never click and I might be addicted forever. I accept that. I don't know how to change.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Savagesauce said:
I've tried to quit PMO so many times, and have always relapsed. I'm done trying. I'll still check in and post here, but I don't know what I need to do to quit. I'm just going to keep living, and hopefully it will click eventually. It might never click and I might be addicted forever. I accept that. I don't know how to change.
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I know, man. What you wrote here is something I would've written some months ago. This addiction can definitely make you feel like you don't know what to do anymore to escape. I want to say this: Keep looking for the truth until you find your truth, the thing that works for you. At the beginning of this year I was done and desperate. But I knew I had not exhausted every alternative. It might certainly feel like you have tried everything and you don't know what else to do but I don't believe in this. I kept looking for an answer and I finally found what I was missing. I had to change my mentality. I had come from being a slave to self-medication and comfort zones, obsessed with the pleasure of porn's dopamine. I realized that, in order for this to work, I needed to "embrace the suck." To stop being a slave to medicating myself and locking myself up in a comfort zone anytime shit got real. I told myself: "No matter how shit this fuckin life makes me feel, for once I will try not to medicate it." And I've made it to 25 days for the first time in my life. Then I relapsed, I was devastated. However, what do you do in a situation like this? Reevaluate and see what didn't go right. And I realized I was not practicing mistake managament. A.K.A I was doing the same fuckin things expecting things to change this time. So I told myself: "I don't want to see you repeating absolutely anything that has made you relapsed in the past." So I made an effort to avoid all the mistakes, to embrace the suck and, I believe this is very important too: Porn thoughts/fantasies/flashbacks management. Namely, I made en effort not to engage with the "porn in my head" because this creates urges as it gets the dopamine going wild. After doing all this, I saw that I had to manage the urges, craving and feeling of low dopamine (everything is boring, I need something to "stimulate" myself). Urges are probably the ultimate test though. You can be doing a flawless plan but when urges hit hard, this is the test. Phineas says something along the lines of: Watch the urges as an outside observer, non-judgmentally, don't fight them, don't engage with them. I think there is something in this. They are like the bullies. They call you names but if you react to them by being upset, they won't stop, they stop only when you ignore them. I have to admit I've been having a harder than necessary time to watch the urges non-judgmentally like that but I need to add this to my arsenal. Until now I've been practicing a military-style type of approach, running through urges like Rambo 🤣
 
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