It´s funny the ways in which we can deceive ourselves. I´ve known for a long time that my relationship with sex and pornography has been a compulsive addictive one with all the hallmarks; guilt, shame, depression, erectile dysfunction, frequent escort use, fear of intimacy, lack of ambition, self-imposed isolation, low confidence, self-loathing, lying to and deceiving others.....the list is inexhaustible and utterly exhausting. And yet the one thing I´ve refused to do, in the 10 years or so I´ve understood I have a problem, is admit to myself that I´m powerless against my addiction. That I can´t hope to ever have control of it and that I cannot hope to be able to remain clean without the support of peers. I need to accept that not only do I need help but that it´s ok......more than ok to seek it. I turn 34 years old this Saturday; I can´t keep putting my recovery on hold because I fall time and time again by myself. I want to find a way to build meaning into my life; find a partner to share a loving relationship with, have a family, give something back to my community....lead a good life where I can have respect for the person I see when I look in the mirror. That´s something I don´t have. But I´m not so far gone that I don´t see how much potential there is to be lived out if I could get my act together. So my only goal today is to get through the rest of the day without using as I have three times today. I could go big with my bio, hopes, dreams, goals etc. but I would rather build up that stuff over time. Right now it´s a day by day approach. So yes I´m a porn addict. I´m powerless to find a place of recovery by myself and so ask for your support. I will do my best to offer support to other forum users. Right now I don´t know if I have a belief that I can change, I´ve burnt myself far too many times not to be wary of the flames.....but I do believe that if I could change and get my act together, then life would truly begin to open up to me in ways profound and exhilarating! Shall we try get there together?