Something I'd like to share; so I'm a big fan of Russell Brand. I thinks he's a wonderful, kind and compassionate human being and funny as hell too. Whilst looking at his latest talks on spirituality on YouTube I found an old video of him flirting with numerous women. The man is charismatic and charming; he has a well documented history of....well getting laid by various women I guess. What i want to share is this; often when I encounter such stories, hear or see men displaying confidence with women that is clearly attractive to them....well I become jealous and yes I must admit some what resentful. But Why? It's not that I hate the success of others or reserve any judgement for it. I guess I just wish I have that type of confidence but beyond that I particularly wish that I had had a youth of sexual conquest (I hate that word because it denotes that women are something to be conquered). Now to listen to Brand talk today; he would admit that his sleeping around was mostly a consequence of his deep yearning for connection and validation. And so I wonder to myself if by some miracle I woke up tomorrow no longer encumbered by my porn addiction and was some uber confident guy and had the ability to go out there and start sleeping around....would I just be doing the same thing I've used porn for? Would I be just trying to sate a yearning in me for something deep and meaningful? I mean is seems obvious that the answer is yes and yet that jealousy lies within me. I don't like it and the power it has to make me feel worthless.....but I'm aware of it and that's a good step. I just wanted to surrender that this evening.