My Reboot Journal / Journey to Success

MattMan17

Member
This is my daily journal/log of my Reboot Journey; currently on Day 2 of not looking at anything Porn or otherwise triggering content. To further explain, my goal is to not look at anything intentionally NSFW content, such as videos, photos, stories, etc. Anything that I know will cause me to start feeling bad and like I want to start relapsing, I am not going to allow myself to look at.

Currently I am 28 years old, gay and married to my wonderful husband. I have been struggling with Porn addiction and Fapping since I was about 14 or 15 years old. Back when I was just getting into my habit, I would watch porn pretty regularly and for long periods of time. Over time, it got bad enough that I believe for me it caused my social anxiety to worsen, as well as other noticeable negative changes. I realized how harmful it was for the first time when I was still in high school and reached out to someone who I trusted to talk to about this. I tried to stop myself from this habit, but unfortunately it continued. Then in my early 20's I was in a relationship with someone for about a year and a half, and it wasn't until he broke up with me that I realized all of the serious problems and harmful negative effects that porn was causing me. Then I met my now husband and completely stopped watching any porn or masturbating regularly for the past 4 years. However, in the last 3 or 4 months, I have struggled with a lot of mental and physical health problems, and the stress from the covid-19 pandemic escalated everything. I fell back into my habit and have been fighting and doing everything that I possibly can to pull myself out of it and get back on track to not watching porn ever again.

1. No I did not use porn today.
2. Triggers today were caused by stress of working a lot & tiredness, although I fought through my triggers!
3. I focused on my work and distracting myself with other activities to avoid relapse.
4. I am so grateful for finding this awesome community of people; who I believe will help me on my journey.
5. Day 3
 

MattMan17

Member
Day 4 Reboot Journey to Success
1. I did not use porn today.
2. Triggers were lower today as I was very busy with work and excited about a lot of other things; while also engaging socially with others, which seemed to help a lot!
3. I focused on my work and engaging with others, which was a very positive thing for me to do!
4. I am grateful for coworkers who are very friendly and fun to talk to and work with!
5. Day 4!!
 

MattMan17

Member
Day 5 Reboot Journey to Success

I generally feel that when I am very busy and have a lot going on throughout the day, I don't have many triggers or feel like relapsing. Triggers and urges usually occur when I go to bed and/or and really tired. But this week was so busy that I didn't even have many urges, which is great!

1. I did not use porn today.
2. Urges/triggers were very low today, as I had a short day of work and then immediately left the house to go workout, run to the store, etc.
3. I focused on staying busy and going to do productive things / engage socially with friends.
4. I am grateful for my best friend who talks to me through challenging thoughts/events and encourages me when we go workout.
5. Day 5, whoo!
 

MattMan17

Member
Day 6-7 Reboot Journey to Success

Very busy weekend (which is a positive, as this allows my mind to be distracted by negative thoughts or urges).

1. I did not use porn over the weekend!
2. Urges/triggers were low, as the weekend was very busy getting ready for hosting a party, and also going away on a trip soon.
3. I focused on staying busy and this helped a lot. There were a couple triggers on the weekend but I kept pushing them out of my mind.
4. I am grateful for my family, and also to now have an accountability partner, yay!
5. Day 7 (will post for day 8 later today)!
 

Dannybou

Active Member
Nice, that's 1 week done! You're doing great Matt. Keep busy, and let any urges/ triggers pass without giving in to them! Having someone to speak with to distract me during urges helps too.
 

MattMan17

Member
Thanks I appreciate it! There are times that urges and triggers come up very intensely during the day, and it’s really hard sometimes to ignore those, but so far I’ve found that fighting that urge by doing something productive will usually make the urges go away. And having someone to talk to definitely helps!
 

MattMan17

Member
Day 8 Reboot Journey to Success

1. I did not use porn today!
2. Urges/Triggers we’re pretty high on Day 8, and it was a lot harder to ignore them; but fortunately I was able to get up and go doing something else. I decided in that moment to just get up and keep working on my computer (computer for me don’t cause triggers, just my phone does). I’m proud of myself for not giving in to these urges today, as it was especially hard!
3. I found work and other productive activities to keep my mind distracted. Also having errands that I needed to get done right after work helped too, as I didn’t get home until it was nearly time for dinner.
4. I am grateful for a stable, flexible job.
5. Day 8 Done!
 

MattMan17

Member
Day 9-10 Reboot Journey to Success

1. I did not use porn on these days!
2. Urges & triggers have been very low / non existent. I came home from late yesterday and today, had dinner, and went to sleep basically. So no time to even think about that kind of stuff. Now that I have started to transition back to mostly working in the office, it's a little easier to manage these urges because I am not sitting at home where I can easily go lay down if I get tired (thus the bad cycle of triggers).
3. I found work and exercising very helpful to stay away from negative thoughts and triggers that may cause a relapse. Exercise and/or social engagement is HUGE - and the more the better. Even if it's just online, in a positive way (like this forum), its extremely positive.
4. I am grateful for supportive friends and family!
5. Day 9-10 done!!
 

Dannybou

Active Member
Congratulations on hitting day 10! Yes, I agree that exercise and social engagement really helps. It's also a positive feedback loop for me, where I feel more extroverted and willing to talk to people when I'm not on a porn binge.

Keep the momentum going!
 

MattMan17

Member
Day 11 Reboot Journey to Success

1. I did not use porn today.
2. Triggers were pretty low, as I was busy again (its been a busy week).
3. I found that staying busy, as usual, helped a lot to avoid triggers. I need to know how to prepare and react in advance for when I am not so busy. This is when I find triggers to be the most difficult.
4. I am grateful for this platform!
5. Day 11 Done!
 

MattMan17

Member
I am going on a vacation for about a week and a half, and may miss some days. I don't expect to relapse or anything during this time, as I will be with other people the entire time. If I miss a few days journaling on here during this time, that is why.
 

Robert7M

Member
Ceci est mon journal / journal quotidien de mon parcours de redémarrage ; actuellement au jour 2 de ne rien regarder de porno ou de ne déclencher aucun contenu. Pour plus d'explications, mon objectif est de ne regarder aucun contenu intentionnellement NSFW, tel que des vidéos, des photos, des histoires, etc. Tout ce que je sais me fera commencer à me sentir mal et comme je veux commencer à rechuter, je ne vais pas me permettre de regarder.

Actuellement, j'ai 28 ans, je suis homosexuelle et mariée à mon merveilleux mari. Je me bats contre la dépendance au porno et le fapping depuis l'âge de 14 ou 15 ans. À l'époque où je commençais à peine à prendre mes habitudes, je regardais du porno assez régulièrement et pendant de longues périodes. Au fil du temps, cela s'est suffisamment aggravé pour que je pense que pour moi, cela a aggravé mon anxiété sociale, ainsi que d'autres changements négatifs notables. J'ai réalisé à quel point c'était dangereux pour la première fois quand j'étais encore au lycée et j'ai contacté quelqu'un en qui j'avais confiance pour en parler. J'ai essayé de m'arrêter de cette habitude, mais malheureusement cela a continué. Puis, au début de la vingtaine, j'étais en couple avec quelqu'un pendant environ un an et demi, et ce n'est que lorsqu'il a rompu avec moi que j'ai réalisé tous les problèmes graves et les effets négatifs néfastes que le porno me causait. Ensuite, j'ai rencontré mon mari actuel et j'ai complètement arrêté de regarder du porno ou de me masturber régulièrement au cours des 4 dernières années. Cependant, au cours des 3 ou 4 derniers mois, j'ai lutté contre de nombreux problèmes de santé mentale et physique, et le stress de la pandémie de covid-19 a tout intensifié. Je suis retombé dans mes habitudes et je me suis battu et j'ai fait tout ce que je pouvais pour m'en sortir et me remettre sur la bonne voie pour ne plus jamais regarder de porno.

1. Non, je n'ai pas utilisé de porno aujourd'hui.
2. Les déclencheurs d'aujourd'hui ont été déclenchés par le stress de travailler beaucoup et la fatigue, bien que je sois battu contre mes déclencheurs !
3. Je me concentre sur mon travail et je distrayais avec d'autres activités pour éviter les rechutes.
4. Je suis tellement reconnaissant d'avoir trouvé cette communauté géniale de personnes; qui je crois m'aidera dans mon cheminement.
5. Jour 3

Je pars en vacances pendant environ une semaine et demie et je peux manquer certains jours. Je ne m'attends pas à rechuter ou quoi que ce soit pendant cette période, car je serai avec d'autres personnes tout le temps. Si je manque quelques jours à journaliser ici pendant cette période, c'est pourquoi.
Good luck, and go a head !

Dont' abandon !!
 
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