$5 Dollars. Pay up.

grantis

grantis

Member
Hey Guys! Thank you for creating a community like this! super appreciative that this exists.

I failed to quit on my own.

No real a surprise there tbh.

Quitting is absolute hell and cannot be done alone. I've used several therapists, tried previous forms, but I've never felt the absolute necessity to really quit. Don't get me wrong, I've tired to give porn up many times yet I always go back and it always gets worse. More and more extreme porn variants enter my browsing extravaganzas, and the ED, DE, etc. get worse. IM DONE. The reason I'm here is cause i had some scary suicidal thoughts last night after a particularly bad 3 weeks.

Im not alone and there is help here and elsewhere. No way I'm giving up on life until i beat this addiction.

r/NoFap, therapists, Covenanteyes, lock down times, books, accountability partners, and SAA. All methods I've tried. All of these methods can be effective and they are effective for three reasons: Community, habit formation, and personal choice. I've failed at integrating any of these factors into quitting this addiction.

I gotta own my failures. I have to recognize i have not put in the effort and focus into breaking this addiction or building community who believes I can.

Today im donating $5 for the start of this reboot. each time i relapse, I pay an additional $5.

Each week i will make a post.

90 days is the goal.
 
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46and2

Active Member
Yes brother, doing this alone makes it far harder than it needs to be and it's tough enough. Welcome and congratulations on your endeavour to get clean!
 
grantis

grantis

Member
Day 3.

3 days in, and it feels like an eternity. Already gotten close to relapsing twice. Ive struggled at keeping myself in check, and the best way to do that is to come back here for reassurance in the fact that i can break free.

Due to my massive overuse of PMO, i find myself continually beset by radically sexual thoughts 24/7. I know this is normal, but its good to put this out there. I cannot stop thinking about PMO.

Ok, ill see y'all tomorrow.
 
grantis

grantis

Member
Day 5.

Had a massive rigger show up yesterday. Was very close to succumbing to my base instincts and jerking off. Made i through by coming home and reading this blog. Its difficult to admit weakness, difficult to admit that my desires have gone rampant, and difficult to see my fetishes gone wild.
 
grantis

grantis

Member
well, i relapsed again...it SUUUUUCKED!!!!!

I got a computer while my other one is in the shop and i messed up big time. All my usual protections were gone and i just felt i HAD too.

gosh dangit.

I feel good tho. I feel that i can make the improvements I need and succeed. I will succeed. Despite the lack of protections, i will succeed! I have yall, and that keeps me in check. Usually I would be wallowing in my own sorrow. Right now i feel like i can actually make it to tomorrow.
 
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