Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Day 3
12 years of mental health issues because of porn are enough for me. The "fun" is over. The "perceived" fun because there is no fun in being a porn addict. I watched my first hardcore at 13 and I watched for a short period of time because the channel disappeared. At 14 I got a TV to my room and watched softcore porn after midnight, available at the end of the week. I masturbated twice a day (first thing in the morning like junkies and then in the evening), using flashbacks and porn related fantasies as stimulation and I began suffering from social anxiety. But at 17 I got high speed Internet, I started binging porn and PMO-ing on an average of 7 times a day and in a matter of maybe 6 months I was done. My life was game over before it even started. At 18 I was "dead". I was supposed to be "so young" but I felt like an old man already. I was tired all the time, I had debilitating social anxiety (I could barely function anymore in society), I had hard depression and absolutely no motivation for life. Girls saw me as a joke, I didn't get any attention in any shape or form and I was scared to talk to them. I was weak, I couldn't even make eye contact and I emanated this weak energy that people registered. Nobody took me seriously. My only regret is that I didn't try to do more earlier, I didn't try everything in my power to change. I don't know what I wanted to do but I allowed myself to reach the age of 30 with social anxiety, depression, no motivation, addicted to alcohol and porn, this is not alright. That's why I guess it's time. And I believe everybody agrees with me when I say there comes a day when you need to put up the maximum effort cause time flies. I "woke up" one day from a "nightmare" where my life was mediocre (more than) and realized I was actually living the "nightmare" because the nightmare was actually my life. And I said "Holy smokes, I'm 30! But I don't have much of a life!" Truth hurt. But you start with the truth, you tell yourself the truth, the reality, without sugarcoating and then invest the effort in escaping.
12 years of mental health issues because of porn are enough for me. The "fun" is over. The "perceived" fun because there is no fun in being a porn addict. I watched my first hardcore at 13 and I watched for a short period of time because the channel disappeared. At 14 I got a TV to my room and watched softcore porn after midnight, available at the end of the week. I masturbated twice a day (first thing in the morning like junkies and then in the evening), using flashbacks and porn related fantasies as stimulation and I began suffering from social anxiety. But at 17 I got high speed Internet, I started binging porn and PMO-ing on an average of 7 times a day and in a matter of maybe 6 months I was done. My life was game over before it even started. At 18 I was "dead". I was supposed to be "so young" but I felt like an old man already. I was tired all the time, I had debilitating social anxiety (I could barely function anymore in society), I had hard depression and absolutely no motivation for life. Girls saw me as a joke, I didn't get any attention in any shape or form and I was scared to talk to them. I was weak, I couldn't even make eye contact and I emanated this weak energy that people registered. Nobody took me seriously. My only regret is that I didn't try to do more earlier, I didn't try everything in my power to change. I don't know what I wanted to do but I allowed myself to reach the age of 30 with social anxiety, depression, no motivation, addicted to alcohol and porn, this is not alright. That's why I guess it's time. And I believe everybody agrees with me when I say there comes a day when you need to put up the maximum effort cause time flies. I "woke up" one day from a "nightmare" where my life was mediocre (more than) and realized I was actually living the "nightmare" because the nightmare was actually my life. And I said "Holy smokes, I'm 30! But I don't have much of a life!" Truth hurt. But you start with the truth, you tell yourself the truth, the reality, without sugarcoating and then invest the effort in escaping.
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Yeah, right!" but that's why I'm saying this, because now I can't relapse after saying it. It's life and death situation, man, because I'm already "dead" you know what I'm saying?
