I need to up my game.

Phineas 808

Respected Member
I'm admiring your tenacity and determination to beat this, Escape! You will. I really like what EW had to say about being compassionate to oneself, so true.

After a lapse, I'll feel like crap for at least 3 days (maybe as long as 2 weeks!), but the sooner I forgive myself- or accept the unconditional grace of God, as if He forgave me of all sins, past, present and future, the sooner I can move on, regain my footing (or try to) and go again.

Also, I share with you that past trauma of being picked on, or bullied. I have trauma from living on the streets as a run away teenager, as well (not that you said this). But, my "family of origin" was f***ed up to the nth degree, and that's where my emotional ties and drivers to this addiction had come from.

Standing with you.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Well-Known Member
I'm admiring your tenacity and determination to beat this, Escape! You will. I really like what EW had to say about being compassionate to oneself, so true.

After a lapse, I'll feel like crap for at least 3 days (maybe as long as 2 weeks!), but the sooner I forgive myself- or accept the unconditional grace of God, as if He forgave me of all sins, past, present and future, the sooner I can move on, regain my footing (or try to) and go again.

Also, I share with you that past trauma of being picked on, or bullied. I have trauma from living on the streets as a run away teenager, as well (not that you said this). But, my "family of origin" was f***ed up to the nth degree, and that's where my emotional ties and drivers to this addiction had come from.

Standing with you.
I feel you, man. Trauma was what led me into all this.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Well-Known Member
Nice job Escape! Drinking and the Porn game are a horrible mixture. I lapsed on a 113 day streak due to having some drinks which led to PMO. So freaking frustrating. During my no PMO journey I found that I was actually beginning to drink more. I realized I was substituting one for the other. So I have had to curb / slow my alcohol consumption down. Proud of you on both the alcohol and PMO fronts! You're not alone so hang in there brother!
My best streak was killed by drinking and other promising streaks before got killed by drinking. It pissed me off like nothing else but I was (am) an alcohol addict and it didn't help. I was constantly trying to avoid alcohol but then that voice in my brain tried to trick me into finding ways to drink. Some months ago, after I'd stopped drinking, I started PMO-ing a lot more. Now I'm trying to stay away from both but it's hard.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Well-Known Member
Day 3

I slept more last night.

At work I had to deal with a lot of people again and it's exhausting because of my social anxiety. Tomorrow should be better because I'm afternoon shift and a part of the group only works in the morning. I need to relax, I'm stressed out with my life.

I have 25 days without drinking but today I craved alcohol, a lot. I have this feeling of "low", like only getting drunk would get me out of this. I crave some porn too but it was very mild. Of course, the madness will come.
 

zaraki888

Active Member
@zaraki888 Good to see you, brother! I'll look for your journal...

Hello Phineas, thank you. Good to see you too! I haven't decided yet to start a new journal as I suffer from stress when responding to messages or write my journal. For me it is also time consuming when responding to messages. I must focus and avoid stress as much as possible. I will sometimes come and read some messages and write something. When I get stronger I probably will be more here on the forum. Take care Phineas!
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Great opportunity to level up on urge surfing. At first I got discouraged by urge surfing as it didn't work right away for me. But this is something that definitely works if you keep at it and add your own touch to it. Like for example for me focusing on the heart area is what makes a whole lot of difference when I urge surf. Just like with surfing. It takes some practice before mastering the big waves.

Surfs up. Wish you good sailing or surfing. ;)

EW
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Well-Known Member
Great opportunity to level up on urge surfing. At first I got discouraged by urge surfing as it didn't work right away for me. But this is something that definitely works if you keep at it and add your own touch to it. Like for example for me focusing on the heart area is what makes a whole lot of difference when I urge surf. Just like with surfing. It takes some practice before mastering the big waves.

Surfs up. Wish you good sailing or surfing. ;)

EW
Yo, thanks man. I've had "opportunities" so far to engage with porn but I didn't.
 

46and2

Active Member
I hear you man; being tired can really enforce the power of an urge! I hope you've managed to stay strong and stay focused.
 
Top