I need to up my game.

guitar1968

Active Member
The only thing that manages to calm down a little bit my desire to act out is reading success stories. Especially those "Before/After" type of stories. The "Before" stories are many times something I would write. It reminds me of where I'm coming from and what I could get if I decided to "do nothing" about the craving. When you feel like you can't wait anymore, it might help to read some posts and articles like that for motivation. Just tell yourself: "5 minutes until I finish reading this, if I'm to jerk off anyway" but you might not even want to do it anymore after reading.
If you haven't read mine, take a look. I'm in the 40 and over group.

I have been addicted since I was very young. We're talking a solid 45 years of this nonsense. But when high speed internet came about, I was just starting to work from home and that made me dive into the depth of hell with porn. My wife worked away from home so I was there all day. Porn up for 8 hours, sometimes I would PMO to completion 4 or 5 times a day. As this was happening I was having more and more trouble keeping an erection. Soon I wasn't able to orgasm in my wife. I had to pull out and manually finish. Then I just started not being able to have sex at all. But, my porn was always standing by to help get me there. Until it no longer did. It would take me hours to finish. I had to find the weirdest and dirtiest thing to make me orgasm. I would try that same thing a day later and no go, had to keep searching. You get the picture.

So, this year on April 15 after finishing to a bizarre video that made me question my existence, I found Reboot Nation and haven't looked back. I'm just about at 6 months with no PMO and only masturbated without porn 5 times. I decided I really need to go hard mode so I'm now at 60 days of that. I am finally at a place where I absolutely don't feel like I need it. I can get a little triggered by things, but it is so easy to brush it off now. I credit this site, Your Brain on Porn and The Easy Peasy Method for helping me along the way. But I do feel that I had to get to the point where I was hating myself for this behavior. I was sitting here with my pants around my ankles wondering the hell I was doing. I had had enough.

Now, I don't want to make it sound like it has been easy. The first 45 days were great. I was craving but I was fighting. But then for the next 40 or 50 days I was questioning the whole process. I was ready to throw in the towel. Somehow I made it through that phase and around 100 days the cloud lifted, my brain felt clear and I haven't experienced that kind of craving since. 160 days today. I can't even believe it myself.

So, I know I still have a long way to go to be healed, but I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I found that the more I focused on other things, the easier it was. For me it's been exercise and music. And of course this site. Every time I got a craving, go to rebootnation.org instead of porn site. Read the success stories. Read the failures or let's say lapses. As long as we keep trying, keep coming back here, they are just lapses. If you walk away and give in to the addiction completely, then that is a failure.

I hope my story helps. I'm hoping for a happy ending, but if I'm in the middle of my recovery, it's a pretty good book so far.

Stay strong, stay focused, find something you love and throw yourself into it and come here often to get support and to get the nonsense out of your head. Good luck.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
If you haven't read mine, take a look. I'm in the 40 and over group.

I have been addicted since I was very young. We're talking a solid 45 years of this nonsense. But when high speed internet came about, I was just starting to work from home and that made me dive into the depth of hell with porn. My wife worked away from home so I was there all day. Porn up for 8 hours, sometimes I would PMO to completion 4 or 5 times a day. As this was happening I was having more and more trouble keeping an erection. Soon I wasn't able to orgasm in my wife. I had to pull out and manually finish. Then I just started not being able to have sex at all. But, my porn was always standing by to help get me there. Until it no longer did. It would take me hours to finish. I had to find the weirdest and dirtiest thing to make me orgasm. I would try that same thing a day later and no go, had to keep searching. You get the picture.

So, this year on April 15 after finishing to a bizarre video that made me question my existence, I found Reboot Nation and haven't looked back. I'm just about at 6 months with no PMO and only masturbated without porn 5 times. I decided I really need to go hard mode so I'm now at 60 days of that. I am finally at a place where I absolutely don't feel like I need it. I can get a little triggered by things, but it is so easy to brush it off now. I credit this site, Your Brain on Porn and The Easy Peasy Method for helping me along the way. But I do feel that I had to get to the point where I was hating myself for this behavior. I was sitting here with my pants around my ankles wondering the hell I was doing. I had had enough.

Now, I don't want to make it sound like it has been easy. The first 45 days were great. I was craving but I was fighting. But then for the next 40 or 50 days I was questioning the whole process. I was ready to throw in the towel. Somehow I made it through that phase and around 100 days the cloud lifted, my brain felt clear and I haven't experienced that kind of craving since. 160 days today. I can't even believe it myself.

So, I know I still have a long way to go to be healed, but I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I found that the more I focused on other things, the easier it was. For me it's been exercise and music. And of course this site. Every time I got a craving, go to rebootnation.org instead of porn site. Read the success stories. Read the failures or let's say lapses. As long as we keep trying, keep coming back here, they are just lapses. If you walk away and give in to the addiction completely, then that is a failure.

I hope my story helps. I'm hoping for a happy ending, but if I'm in the middle of my recovery, it's a pretty good book so far.

Stay strong, stay focused, find something you love and throw yourself into it and come here often to get support and to get the nonsense out of your head. Good luck.
Hey, man, thanks for stopping by to write this. Very inspiring. I can relate to "first 45 days". During my best streak, in the first 40+ days I experienced many very tough days with urges but I pushed through using motivation and willpower. I had started the streak with this motivation and determination and that fueled my streak but after that I started to get mentally exhausted from fighting urges and craving. Since then I haven't had the same stamina to replicate it. Maybe this time...

I definitely have something I want to start doing but I haven't really had too much motivation and excitement to start. The thought of doing it didn't make me feel anything so I said "Okay, I'll do it one day but I need to get a longer streak first." This has been my routine so far: Binge -> No motivation, excitement or feeling anything about doing stuff -> "I need to get a longer streak and that should get me some motivation to start doing the things I want" -> "Urges are too strong" -> Binge again. And the wheel spins around. I have so trouble figuring out what I need to do.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I crave drinking, like crazy. This is my limit. It's around 1 month that I start messing around with alcohol after attempting sobriety. And this leads to porn binges and other troubles.

Drinking gave me this: Parents mad at me, heart palpitations, many sleepless nights before work, anxiety and panic attacks.

Since I stopped drinking a month ago I've had no palpitation, sleep is better in general, my parents like it that I don't sit anymore in front of them and saying all those stupid things, talking non-stop and having rage moments.

Staying sober has a lot of benefits. But I'm "willing" to through everything away for a day of "pleasure", which leads to back to my drinking routine.

I haven't had much success with porn since quitting alcohol so this is another reason brought by my alcohol addicted brain why I should drink. "You stay away from drinking because it leads you to porn binges, right? Well, you still do this so why bother?" It's not just for the sake of staying porn free though but maybe it was no. 1 on the list of benefits and maybe that's why.

Fuck. I'm trapped in craving to things...
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Escape, think of it this way. The birth of a new born baby, it's not very pleasant in itself, and excruciatingly painful for the mother. It's bloody, it's messy, and there's no other pain like it. But once the child is born, the mother forgets her horrible pain because she's now holding her precious newborn.

Think of it the same way. It sucks, battling on two fronts, porn and drinking. But you know to give in and keep these habbits going is a poison to both your body (the booze) and your soul (the porn). It's horrible, but the alternative is way worse than the pain of saying, 'No'.

Give the 'new you' a chance, imagine the joy on the other side, once you've faced down this 'two-headed beast' of porn and alcohol. Slay this dragon, and let the newborn you have a chance to live, truly live.

You can do it, Escape. Never give up, never give in. But if you did drop your sword, don't beat yourself up with it. Pick it up, and slay the true enemy!
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Escape, think of it this way. The birth of a new born baby, it's not very pleasant in itself, and excruciatingly painful for the mother. It's bloody, it's messy, and there's no other pain like it. But once the child is born, the mother forgets her horrible pain because she's now holding her precious newborn.

Think of it the same way. It sucks, battling on two fronts, porn and drinking. But you know to give in and keep these habbits going is a poison to both your body (the booze) and your soul (the porn). It's horrible, but the alternative is way worse than the pain of saying, 'No'.

Give the 'new you' a chance, imagine the joy on the other side, once you've faced down this 'two-headed beast' of porn and alcohol. Slay this dragon, and let the newborn you have a chance to live, truly live.

You can do it, Escape. Never give up, never give in. But if you did drop your sword, don't beat yourself up with it. Pick it up, and slay the true enemy!
Okay bro
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
They won’t last...

They will subside, just like a bell curve...

Breathe through them being nonjudgmental, and see what’s on the other side.
Bro, I haven't said this so far. This urge surfing thing has been helping me a little bit but the part where you say "nonjudgmental" is what gives me the most trouble because I have a hard time not to get involved with those fuckin urges.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
What I've noticed is that, in my mind, the thought to act out and the thought to stay away from porn alternate. I could feel this strong determination to relapse but then an hour later I read something or watch something and I switch to, "That's right, man, I don't want to relapse." It's always better to wait and tell yourself, "Okay, not right now, even if I'm to relapse anyway, just not this minute." Waiting does wonders.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
This urge surfing thing has been helping me a little bit but the part where you say "nonjudgmental" is what gives me the most trouble because I have a hard time not to get involved with those fuckin urges.

I had a feeling...

It doesn't seem like much, but this part will literally be a game changer for you, as it was for me. When you come to understand yourself, the struggling and addicted 'you' and the potential new you, where you accept and embrace the process.

You're addicted, so what! It won't always be this way, because you're doing something about it. So, if you find yourself struggling with urges, even with lapses, that's simply the 'addicted-you' acting out, and you can kind of step outside yourself and just observe this while it's happening, like a movie.

What does this mean? Think about it, when you're in a cycle, and you're acting out on either of your addictions, aren't the behaviors kind of automatic? This is because you're in habit-land going from the 'trigger' through your ritual until it's all said and done, followed by the shame, etc... But being mindful is the opposite of this 'mindless' habit-land.

So, when you're feeling the urges, step outside of yourself: "Oh, I'm beginning to think about using, I'm fantasizing, planning how I'm going to do that, maybe I'm firing up a browser, maybe I lingered too long looking at this or that picture..." Instead of trying to fight this, kind of just breathe deeply and 'watch' this happening, and don't infuse it with judgment like, "You suck, you bastard! There you go again looking at this or that...!" Instead, ackowledge that it's happening, or what you're feeling (urges, rationalizations, etc...), and just breathe deeply. Don't react for or against the urges, kind of just watch them as you breathe through them.

You will find that the urges (eventually) subside, and if they come again, repeat- hence, urge-surfing.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I had a feeling...

It doesn't seem like much, but this part will literally be a game changer for you, as it was for me. When you come to understand yourself, the struggling and addicted 'you' and the potential new you, where you accept and embrace the process.

You're addicted, so what! It won't always be this way, because you're doing something about it. So, if you find yourself struggling with urges, even with lapses, that's simply the 'addicted-you' acting out, and you can kind of step outside yourself and just observe this while it's happening, like a movie.

What does this mean? Think about it, when you're in a cycle, and you're acting out on either of your addictions, aren't the behaviors kind of automatic? This is because you're in habit-land going from the 'trigger' through your ritual until it's all said and done, followed by the shame, etc... But being mindful is the opposite of this 'mindless' habit-land.

So, when you're feeling the urges, step outside of yourself: "Oh, I'm beginning to think about using, I'm fantasizing, planning how I'm going to do that, maybe I'm firing up a browser, maybe I lingered too long looking at this or that picture..." Instead of trying to fight this, kind of just breathe deeply and 'watch' this happening, and don't infuse it with judgment like, "You suck, you bastard! There you go again looking at this or that...!" Instead, ackowledge that it's happening, or what you're feeling (urges, rationalizations, etc...), and just breathe deeply. Don't react for or against the urges, kind of just watch them as you breathe through them.

You will find that the urges (eventually) subside, and if they come again, repeat- hence, urge-surfing.
Okay, bro, thanks for the advice, it sounds good.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
I am very visual so it helps me to visualize the urge surf graphic. There is the trigger, ramp-up, peak and fall. It helps me to remember the fall. And remember past times where I successfully urge surfed and to feel the contrast between the ramp-up/peak sensations and the fall. This will be over.

As Phineas suggested connecting with the breath helps as well.

The feelings might feel like they are insurmountable. Might feel like you are not facing a wave with the surf board but like such a huge wave that it looks like a wall. Being reminded of the fall helps me. The peak always happens as does the fall. In the mean time have faith that just observing is the best that you can do - and it truly is.

Observing is not doing nothing. You are holding space for the emotions to sort themselves out. They will do soo the most effective this way.

It is hard to just observe arousal and lust. But in my understanding now. Being able to observe arousal and lust without wanting to engage with does wonders.

Wish you good luck
EW
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I am very visual so it helps me to visualize the urge surf graphic. There is the trigger, ramp-up, peak and fall. It helps me to remember the fall. And remember past times where I successfully urge surfed and to feel the contrast between the ramp-up/peak sensations and the fall. This will be over.

As Phineas suggested connecting with the breath helps as well.

The feelings might feel like they are insurmountable. Might feel like you are not facing a wave with the surf board but like such a huge wave that it looks like a wall. Being reminded of the fall helps me. The peak always happens as does the fall. In the mean time have faith that just observing is the best that you can do - and it truly is.

Observing is not doing nothing. You are holding space for the emotions to sort themselves out. They will do soo the most effective this way.

It is hard to just observe arousal and lust. But in my understanding now. Being able to observe arousal and lust without wanting to engage with does wonders.

Wish you good luck
EW
Thanks for advice.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Start of Day 13. The cues are in place as usual. Once you do something over and over again for years, it keeps bothering you when you try to resist it. I get urges for edging to porn every morning. Long history of rubbing myself against the bed first thing in the morning...
 

guitar1968

Active Member
This shit is tough. I'm reading success stories for motivation and to shock my fuckin mind into remembering why I'm doing this because I can see how easily it wants to "forget".
I hope you stick with it. Believe it or not, it does get easier and then it gets great. I now feel like a 200lb weight has been lifted off my chest. I can breathe easier. I just feel so much better. It took time, no doubt, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Stay strong. You can do this and you will feel so much better in the end. Don't waste more years with porn. I'm 53. I wish I quit in my 40's. The time I wasted just kills me. What I did to my mind and body also kills me. The damage to my relationship kills me. Get the theme here?

Have a great and peaceful weekend.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I hope you stick with it. Believe it or not, it does get easier and then it gets great. I now feel like a 200lb weight has been lifted off my chest. I can breathe easier. I just feel so much better. It took time, no doubt, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Stay strong. You can do this and you will feel so much better in the end. Don't waste more years with porn. I'm 53. I wish I quit in my 40's. The time I wasted just kills me. What I did to my mind and body also kills me. The damage to my relationship kills me. Get the theme here?

Have a great and peaceful weekend.
That's right, man. Without this 700 pounds gorilla named porn off our shoulders we can move freely. It's true that I have this opportunity to quit porn in my 30's and I must not waste it. I've lost my 20's being mediocre and this bothers me a lot but there is time left for me to save it, I must not "forget" that quitting this junk is a must. I know better days come, I've got a little taste a few times after staying away from porn for periods that were not actually that long, I can imagine that being away from porn completely should bring even better days. I'm doing this first of all to fix my mental health that has been ruined by porn binges. Thanks for support and keep going. Even if you are 53, you still have the rest of your days to live freely without the chains and it matters.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 14

2 weeks without the junk but the craving is strong. I wake up every morning with urges for edging. I've been trying to find a way to keep the determination to quit in my head and to remember the misery that used to come after relapses, the intense social anxiety, lethargy, depression, poor concentration, no mood and motivation to do anything etc. Because I see how my mind likes to "forget" this. Everything becomes like a distant memory. I think I should even go back and re-read some posts in my journal where I present the misery, as a reminder.
 
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