I need to up my game.

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
I am very visual so it helps me to visualize the urge surf graphic. There is the trigger, ramp-up, peak and fall. It helps me to remember the fall. And remember past times where I successfully urge surfed and to feel the contrast between the ramp-up/peak sensations and the fall. This will be over.

As Phineas suggested connecting with the breath helps as well.

The feelings might feel like they are insurmountable. Might feel like you are not facing a wave with the surf board but like such a huge wave that it looks like a wall. Being reminded of the fall helps me. The peak always happens as does the fall. In the mean time have faith that just observing is the best that you can do - and it truly is.

Observing is not doing nothing. You are holding space for the emotions to sort themselves out. They will do soo the most effective this way.

It is hard to just observe arousal and lust. But in my understanding now. Being able to observe arousal and lust without wanting to engage with does wonders.

Wish you good luck
EW
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Well-Known Member
I am very visual so it helps me to visualize the urge surf graphic. There is the trigger, ramp-up, peak and fall. It helps me to remember the fall. And remember past times where I successfully urge surfed and to feel the contrast between the ramp-up/peak sensations and the fall. This will be over.

As Phineas suggested connecting with the breath helps as well.

The feelings might feel like they are insurmountable. Might feel like you are not facing a wave with the surf board but like such a huge wave that it looks like a wall. Being reminded of the fall helps me. The peak always happens as does the fall. In the mean time have faith that just observing is the best that you can do - and it truly is.

Observing is not doing nothing. You are holding space for the emotions to sort themselves out. They will do soo the most effective this way.

It is hard to just observe arousal and lust. But in my understanding now. Being able to observe arousal and lust without wanting to engage with does wonders.

Wish you good luck
EW
Thanks for advice.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Well-Known Member
Start of Day 13. The cues are in place as usual. Once you do something over and over again for years, it keeps bothering you when you try to resist it. I get urges for edging to porn every morning. Long history of rubbing myself against the bed first thing in the morning...
 

guitar1968

Active Member
This shit is tough. I'm reading success stories for motivation and to shock my fuckin mind into remembering why I'm doing this because I can see how easily it wants to "forget".
I hope you stick with it. Believe it or not, it does get easier and then it gets great. I now feel like a 200lb weight has been lifted off my chest. I can breathe easier. I just feel so much better. It took time, no doubt, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Stay strong. You can do this and you will feel so much better in the end. Don't waste more years with porn. I'm 53. I wish I quit in my 40's. The time I wasted just kills me. What I did to my mind and body also kills me. The damage to my relationship kills me. Get the theme here?

Have a great and peaceful weekend.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Well-Known Member
I hope you stick with it. Believe it or not, it does get easier and then it gets great. I now feel like a 200lb weight has been lifted off my chest. I can breathe easier. I just feel so much better. It took time, no doubt, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Stay strong. You can do this and you will feel so much better in the end. Don't waste more years with porn. I'm 53. I wish I quit in my 40's. The time I wasted just kills me. What I did to my mind and body also kills me. The damage to my relationship kills me. Get the theme here?

Have a great and peaceful weekend.
That's right, man. Without this 700 pounds gorilla named porn off our shoulders we can move freely. It's true that I have this opportunity to quit porn in my 30's and I must not waste it. I've lost my 20's being mediocre and this bothers me a lot but there is time left for me to save it, I must not "forget" that quitting this junk is a must. I know better days come, I've got a little taste a few times after staying away from porn for periods that were not actually that long, I can imagine that being away from porn completely should bring even better days. I'm doing this first of all to fix my mental health that has been ruined by porn binges. Thanks for support and keep going. Even if you are 53, you still have the rest of your days to live freely without the chains and it matters.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Well-Known Member
Day 14

2 weeks without the junk but the craving is strong. I wake up every morning with urges for edging. I've been trying to find a way to keep the determination to quit in my head and to remember the misery that used to come after relapses, the intense social anxiety, lethargy, depression, poor concentration, no mood and motivation to do anything etc. Because I see how my mind likes to "forget" this. Everything becomes like a distant memory. I think I should even go back and re-read some posts in my journal where I present the misery, as a reminder.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Well-Known Member
And 35 days without drinking but I crave being not sober. Trying to do both at the same time is very hard. I wish I could deal with one at a time but I can't stay porn free when I drink and I definitely don't want to continue to watch porn while trying to quit drinking. Porn makes me depressed and I end up drinking for "comfort" anyway.
 
Hard urges, man. This is the type of moment when I would relapse. It's starting to get really difficult.
Hey man. I was just there like 30 min ago. Literally had to speak out loud to myself mid wank. Then took out my drawing book and dropped it dead. Idk what you need but telling out loud to myself sorta snapped me out of it. You've got this. You are stronger than your urges!
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Hard urges, man. This is the type of moment when I would relapse. It's starting to get really difficult.

I think you provided the best answer to your statement above when you earlier said,

What I've noticed is that, in my mind, the thought to act out and the thought to stay away from porn alternate. I could feel this strong determination to relapse but then an hour later I read something or watch something and I switch to, "That's right, man, I don't want to relapse." It's always better to wait and tell yourself, "Okay, not right now, even if I'm to relapse anyway, just not this minute." Waiting does wonders.

That space in between urge and response (or non-response) is where the 'golden key' is hidden, which unlocks all our chains.

In fact, your words above actually helped me recently. They came to mind when I had my own urges to deal with. Just wait out the urges, you can out last any urge!
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Hey man. I was just there like 30 min ago. Literally had to speak out loud to myself mid wank. Then took out my drawing book and dropped it dead. Idk what you need but telling out loud to myself sorta snapped me out of it. You've got this. You are stronger than your urges!

This was well said, Squidward! This strategy helped me many times. In 'mid-wank' (or looking up something), I'd say to myself, "What are you doing??"- or, "I don't have to do this...", etc...

If one is a believer, I've even started praising the Lord while doing the 'no-no'! God knows, He understands, He's already forgiven us. We're really new creations already, so we're just 'changing the chanel' from the old you to the new you. So it's not strange to snap ourselves out of it by distracting ourselves with worship, or whatever else.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Well-Known Member
Hey man. I was just there like 30 min ago. Literally had to speak out loud to myself mid wank. Then took out my drawing book and dropped it dead. Idk what you need but telling out loud to myself sorta snapped me out of it. You've got this. You are stronger than your urges!
Yo, man, thanks for support.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Well-Known Member
That space in between urge and response (or non-response) is where the 'golden key' is hidden, which unlocks all our chains.

In fact, your words above actually helped me recently. They came to mind when I had my own urges to deal with. Just wait out the urges, you can out last any urge!
That's absolutely right. That time between the urge and the response is the key. I remember reading a quote about this, I don't know who said it. Waiting can indeed do wonders. So can avoiding the mistakes. Take me, I've relapsed several times starting with "Just some MO without porn, to lower the urges" which too me has the domino effect where it slowly but surely leads to porn. I've been having hard urges to do this MO without porn thing in the last couple of days but I told myself: "No, this is on the mistakes list!"
 

zaraki888

Active Member
That
Hard urges, man. This is the type of moment when I would relapse. It's starting to get really difficult.

Just hold on brother, the day is almost over. That moment when it get's really difficult, I'd say that is the moment of change. If you have to, I'd say get out of the house until you feel normal again, so you don't sit behind a screen. Keep mind and body busy like running crazy and listening to music or something until feeling passes away. Cold shower. Take care
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Well-Known Member
That


Just hold on brother, the day is almost over. That moment when it get's really difficult, I'd say that is the moment of change. If you have to, I'd say get out of the house until you feel normal again, so you don't sit behind a screen. Keep mind and body busy like running crazy and listening to music or something until feeling passes away. Cold shower. Take care
Thanks for support and advice.
 
This was well said, Squidward! This strategy helped me many times. In 'mid-wank' (or looking up something), I'd say to myself, "What are you doing??"- or, "I don't have to do this...", etc...

If one is a believer, I've even started praising the Lord while doing the 'no-no'! God knows, He understands, He's already forgiven us. We're really new creations already, so we're just 'changing the chanel' from the old you to the new you. So it's not strange to snap ourselves out of it by distracting ourselves with worship, or whatever else.
Preach preacher! " Changing the channel from the old you to the new you". I love this & I'm gonna share it around to my friends!
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Well-Known Member
Day 15

This is that period where it gets difficult and where I experience many days with hard urges 😒 But, it's the same every time. It doesn't get easier. This period always comes and only after going through it, I can escape. This goes for that nice thought that the mind likes to have: "This is tough! Relapse now but don't worry because next time it will be easier."

The mind can't tolerate many hard days but it can tolerate the "now". Collecting many "nows" will lead to many months.
 
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