I need to up my game.

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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 3

I'm in "mini-flatline", of course, my story for the last 14 years or so. I'm in one of those two states: Mini-flatline post-binge that lasts for days and I feel lethargic, "drained of life". And hard urges where I am suffocated by porn flashbacks. I'm tired of all this shit, man. I'm fuckin tired. I don't even know what the fuck is gon happen. I'm not sure of anything anymore. Some people will not quit porn addiction, I'm tellin you and it scares the shit out of me that it could be me. I know, I should start with a different mindset, not this, but honestly I have no motivation. I have doubts about my ability to ever quit this. It would be a miracle if it happened. Where I'm comin from... to get rid of my medicine? That's would be a miracle. I've fried my brain with this porn shit and alcohol too, I can't stay fuckin sober. I'm really not motivated at all to do all this over and over again. I feel like a hamster who is tricked to run on a wheel, thinking that I'm heading towards the finishing line of a marathon when I'm in fact running in the same spot. If you take me from 15 years ago and me now there isn't much change. I've been running in the same spot of life.
 
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JerryTX

Active Member
Hang in there and nice job on day 3. Alcohol and PMO are tough struggles. In my own experiences with both I found that together they are a formidable force that I could never win. I do drink socially and frequently but never labeled my self as an alcoholic. However, at times I have struggled with alcohol. If I drink now or even back then just a few drinks it lowers my inhibitions and leads me to PMO binge. I vowed not to drink alone especially when traveling by myself as this was a recipe for all night PMO binge! Anyway your not alone but I do agree with Phineas work on the alcohol first and then PMO. Tackling these 2 demons at once can be daunting and frustrating. Small battles with both and praying for you brother!
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
JerryTX said:
Hang in there and nice job on day 3. Alcohol and PMO are tough struggles. In my own experiences with both I found that together they are a formidable force that I could never win. I do drink socially and frequently but never labeled my self as an alcoholic. However, at times I have struggled with alcohol. If I drink now or even back then just a few drinks it lowers my inhibitions and leads me to PMO binge. I vowed not to drink alone especially when traveling by myself as this was a recipe for all night PMO binge! Anyway your not alone but I do agree with Phineas work on the alcohol first and then PMO. Tackling these 2 demons at once can be daunting and frustrating. Small battles with both and praying for you brother!
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Thanks man.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I'm pushing 1 week hard mode but I'm starting to get really tempted. I should prepare myself for the next days because I feel they are going to be tough. I don't have the same motivation that I had the last summer and this has a big impact on my ability nowadays to sustain this reboot :(
 
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Robby82

Member
I understand you too I have relapsed after 60 days of successful abstinence we can do so let's help each other every day we write both you and I here that we do not make mistakes and that our life is okay with you?
 
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Robby82

Member
I know it will be difficult but we have to do it I want to live the rest of my life to the best of my ability I know that I will pay for this relapse but I will not give up now I know the consequences I have blocked my computer and mobile phones against porn the relapse happened to me because I have seen beautiful girls around and instead of thinking about how to approach them I let myself go .. but I get up and I am stronger
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Robby82 said:
I know it will be difficult but we have to do it I want to live the rest of my life to the best of my ability I know that I will pay for this relapse but I will not give up now I know the consequences I have blocked my computer and mobile phones against porn the relapse happened to me because I have seen beautiful girls around and instead of thinking about how to approach them I let myself go .. but I get up and I am stronger
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Blocking porn is a good step.
 
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guiganvoger

Active Member
Escapeandnevercomeback said:
Right now, crucial for my life is to do something about my social anxiety or else I'm fucked. I have a feeling that my porn addiction has a lot to say about this.
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I know what you mean. It's always been hard for me to put myself out there. I had a good friend that used to live close to me and we would go mountain biking nearly every day. He has since moved across the state; still close enough to visit from time to time but I don't have someone around town that I can confide in and have a connection with. I am going to try to start getting involved with various riding groups that go on weekly rides and make connections that way.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 7

1 week again. Last time I relapsed here. I think the brain memorizes those things because urges for me start on the day when I relapsed last time. I woke up this morning with pretty annoying urges and I'm very tempted right now.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 0

In all this time I thought I had a porn problem. And yes, I do have a porn problem but is porn the only thing that sabotages my porn recovery? It isn't. There are 2 things that don't let me quit porn: Alcohol and caffeine. The first one: I am an alcoholic, I've been drinking too much since I was 18 and I've never stopped. The second one: Caffeine raises my urges to 200%. If they don't go, my porn recovery will never happen. Right now, I won't focus on quitting porn, I will focus on quitting alcohol and caffeine.
 
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Robby82

Member
Alcohol certainly has a negative impact even if it depends on how much you use the caffeine I think you can decrease it judiciously for my experience when I relapse is when I am stopped at home doing nothing and out of boredom or curiosity I watch porn as far as I'm concerned the best medicine is keep active play sports or rather go out for a walk or see friends also I believe that you have to make the PC harmless with special blocks I did it
 
EarthWalker

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Consider the following.

1. try your best with urge surfing it might take a while to get it keep at it
2. Self-psychology work
3. find a good therapist, online, cheap, maybe possible to get someone from a country where they don’t cost too much?

Best of luck bro. This is heavy shit.

1. It is possible to fully heal.
2. We are never lost until we stop searching. Keep on going. This is why you are here. You are a warrior of truth.

Much love
EW
 
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