I need to up my game.

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 5

My memory is playing tricks with me, I thought I was on day 4.

I can do more than what I've displayed in the last month. I don't need to relapse anymore. 3 years of relapsing on Reboot Nation but I have more years than this, I go way back. I've been trying to quit porn and masturbation (in various degrees of knowledge about the problem) since 10 years ago. Enough relapsing. I don't want to turn this into a "Relapse/Restart" treadmill for the next 10 years or even more. It can happen, it's very possible, time flies. I've spent my 20s with this porn addiction I could easily spent my 30s.

The problem is actually simple: We get a dopamine high in response to a stimulus (porn). The solution then becomes clear: No more stimulus in all its shapes and forms because porn is not only video, it's subs, it's hypersexual thoughts, porn flashbacks and porn-related fantasies (that I'm crazy about). We must not only avoid watching/looking at anything, we need to avoid engaging with the hypersexual porn thoughts. They can't be completely stopped to invade our mind, that's what they do when you are a porn addict, but they can be dismissed, ignored, cut short in the first second.

The massive urges create a feeling of urgency (I need to act now and get the pleasure!) but we always can wait, not act right away, avoid paying attention to the porn in our head, breath deep, get up and change the place where we are, focus on doing what we are doing (if we are working on something), focus on thinking about something else (like visualizing yourself doing something, playing basketball in the park, play piano, whatever things we actually like to do). Repeating this kind of disrupting behavior is the key. This porn habit is repetitive in itself, we end up doing the same things, building up a relapse in the same way. For many of us, a relapse starts in the mind long before it actually happens and this is tricky. If in the beginning we act on auto-pilot, in time we start noticing when it happens but we might end up building up the relapse instead, hours or days before we actually do it by thinking about porn, by rationalizing why it's not a big deal if we relapse once because we will keep it short and it won't affect the rebooting too much. No, every relapse feeds the addiction. The addiction can be starved to death (given no dopamine) but it can't be starved to death if we feed it even a little. We need to develop the "no porn at all" mentality. A little bit is too much.
 
Its wild how something so small in our heads can impact us so much. How our body reacts to these urges. Suddenly your world is fogged over by these signals in the brain demanding its dopamine fix. You loose sight of loved ones, friends, family and even yourself.

My therapist said this path we walk of freedom from PMO is going to last for the rest of our lives but its not impossible. Stay the course!
I don't want to spend my 30s in addiction either.

Stop the cycle! Stay strong friend
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Its wild how something so small in our heads can impact us so much. How our body reacts to these urges. Suddenly your world is fogged over by these signals in the brain demanding its dopamine fix. You loose sight of loved ones, friends, family and even yourself.

My therapist said this path we walk of freedom from PMO is going to last for the rest of our lives but its not impossible. Stay the course!
I don't want to spend my 30s in addiction either.

Stop the cycle! Stay strong friend
Thank you. Yes, it's true, when urges hit hard, you forget about everything, nothing matters anymore, it doesn't matter anymore if what you do is risky. We need to find that space where we can wait and think, even if it doesn't feel like we can, we do actually have the last decision, we have this choice to say yes or no. We must not forget this.
 

Robby82

Member
Thank you. Yes, it's true, when urges hit hard, you forget about everything, nothing matters anymore, it doesn't matter anymore if what you do is risky. We need to find that space where we can wait and think, even if it doesn't feel like we can, we do actually have the last decision, we have this choice to say yes or no. We
 

Robby82

Member
The real problem with this addiction is that it makes us become like addicts who need their dose, ruining our brains.I have noticed in relapses that I am much less lucid and lose a lot of memory concentration and ability to decide luckily it can be regained when you are clean and most importantly it ruins your social life and the relationship with loved ones making us feel inadequate .. this is why we think about what will happen before letting go of the impulses to us who suffer from this problem it destroys our life
 

Orbiter

Well-Known Member
It's okay, Escape. Use it to learn from it, pick yourself up, and go on wiser and stronger.

Don't beat yourself up about it, you will beat this thing instead.

And don't forget to post what you've learned from it too Escape! Not just for your sake, not just to make sure you're truly holding yourself accountable for the lapses but also to help others who may be struggling as well.

I'm with Phineas on this. Fight the addiction, not yourself.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 2

Thanks Phineas and Orbiter for support. I appreciate it.

I'm not declaring anything. I don't know how this streak is going to be. What's certain is that I can't stay sober and I can't stay porn-free. That's the only sure thing. Everything else is fog.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Pleasure and pain are the two faces of the same coin. I can't have pleasure without experiencing the pain of the absence of pleasure. But I feel that there are answers in this suffering. This suffering leads to something great and the only way to find out is through it. I need to stop running away from this suffering.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
The reason why many of us can't replicate lost streaks is because they involved suffering, the grinding day by day through the pain. And the mind, once it gets comfortable after being uncomfortable, doesn't want to get back to the uncomfortable. Consider my case, I suffered a lot during that 50 days streak and then my mind refused to go through that again. Since then I haven't done shit. But I need to gather all the strength I have left and try one more time. After all those years, what I've learned is that I can't escape this without going all the way through the suffering, which I fuckin hate to do, but I will only escape after suffering. My addiction brings me suffering and the escaping from it will not involve pleasure. It's only by enduring the pain that I will become free. Or else this will never happen.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
That's true, that the only way out is through. It's also true that there will be times of suffering through the urges without giving in to them (or responding to them).

It makes sense that you dreading this suffering (experienced during your 50+ days) is what's keeping you from stretching farther. But could this all be a matter of perspective?

The short term suffering of denying or dismissing the urges is far better and preferable to the long term suffering brought about by an 'endless addiction' with all of its consequences like PIED, social anxiety, not growing as a person, not becoming stronger, etc... It seems that the rewards of abstinence and beating this addiction, with all its suffering, far outweigh the suffering of not trying or giving up.

As far as the suffering itself- just as urges are guaranteed to pass as they're dismissed (not reacted to, for or against), so too the degree and intensity of the pain or suffering signaled from our lower brain are guaranteed to lessen on being habitually and consistently dismissed.

In other words, this shite will get easier and easier as you consistently dismiss the urges. Monitor any and all behavior that leads to your particular rituals, learn your habits, hack into them, switch things up. Also keep an eye on your emotions- particularly the negative ones that don't serve you well. You'll start noticing, "Ah, whenever I start feeling that certain way, thinking those certain thoughts, that I soon start my ritual toward PMO...", then you can think of ways to outsmart your lower brain.

You got this, brother!
 

King Leer

Active Member
Day 10

I need to up my game. At the beginning of this year I thought I was going to have a 3 months long streak by March and almost half of year is gone and I'm still deep. Fortunately, I haven't come here following a binge, that happened 10 days ago but I don't want to go back to the misery. Like this, another year will be gone with me not being able to overcome this thing. This addiction is the chains that hold me back. I need to be driven. I could never be my best version with what this thing is doing to my mind. I need to get my mind back first.
I am in the same spot. In Jan I was so determined to quit and I went 24 days. Then broke then each time it seemed like my streaks were shorter til I just stopped trying. Finally now I am ready to give it another go but yeah gotta up my game somehow. Maybe try a little more self talk reason things out
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I am in the same spot. In Jan I was so determined to quit and I went 24 days. Then broke then each time it seemed like my streaks were shorter til I just stopped trying. Finally now I am ready to give it another go but yeah gotta up my game somehow. Maybe try a little more self talk reason things out
I feel you.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Still struggling. I will stop counting days for a while until I can get back the momentum because it's been wild. I'm trapped.

Yesterday I got a little drunk and I had a long discussion with my parents revealing secrets to them. I'm not happy about not being able to stay sober but the only good thing in all this is that it was my parents, if it was someone else... I don't like drinking. I become violent, I talk too much, I say stupid things and I reveal too much about myself. I fuckin hate all this shit. I almost revealed to my mom that I am a porn addict but I guess she figured out something, I don't know how much. I've never talked to my parents about my porn addiction, it freaks me out to do it but I wish I could do it, I'm tired of keeping it a secret. This forum actually helps in being able to talk about it because without Reboot Nation I would feel all alone in this and that would make me even more depressed and angry.

Again, the discussion with my mom shifted towards the fact that I'm 30 (will be 31 next Sunday) and I'm not married and I'm my parents' only kid. I don't like this at all. My mom said that I should not stress myself out with this and if it happens, it happens but it's not that simple, I hate to disappoint my parents and I hate to bury my family line. Okay, nobody says it will actually happen but... shit, man, with all this porn addiction, high social anxiety... It's understandable why I'm worried.
 

King Leer

Active Member
It sounds like you are worried about your parents status and how they look or feel. You mentioned your mom said not to worry so much about that do you think she is right?
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Hi Escape. Out relationship with our bio parents. This is a big one. It can be a mine field. I understand where you are coming form.

When my father died of cancer. I was like. Good riddance. Wow, such heavy stuff. This weekend I processed some more emotions stuck from my relationship with my bio father.

I noticed as I work on myself via self-psychology work and other work. I am finding my relationship with my bio mother to be improving automatically. The phone and other exchanges I have with her are now much better than before. Just from me working on myself and changing myself.

Expectations can place a heavy burden on us. Both the ones we place on ourselves and the ones we choose to accept from others like our parents.

Looking back I see how I placed much burden on myself for wanting to perform well on the reboot i.e. reach N number of days.

Send some forgiveness to yourself. Say to yourself I forgive myself for having to experience this. I forgive myself for not being married. I forgive myself for not having already dealt with alchomolism. I forgive myself for _______.

We are in for a long haul. I made my first post in 2014 on YBR. Wow. 7 years later I can say I made some substantial progress. And this with seeing someone 1x per week for 1 year now and self-studying psychology.

You will figure it out. I believe you can do it.

Much love
EW
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
It sounds like you are worried about your parents status and how they look or feel. You mentioned your mom said not to worry so much about that do you think she is right?
I don't know if she's right, but I know that I have this fear of disappointing my parents. Parents want to see their children have kids themselves. My biggest fear is not making this happen. It's like: "For generations, everybody had kids only you didn't." So I have a lot of emotions about this thing.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Hi Escape. Out relationship with our bio parents. This is a big one. It can be a mine field. I understand where you are coming form.

When my father died of cancer. I was like. Good riddance. Wow, such heavy stuff. This weekend I processed some more emotions stuck from my relationship with my bio father.

I noticed as I work on myself via self-psychology work and other work. I am finding my relationship with my bio mother to be improving automatically. The phone and other exchanges I have with her are now much better than before. Just from me working on myself and changing myself.

Expectations can place a heavy burden on us. Both the ones we place on ourselves and the ones we choose to accept from others like our parents.

Looking back I see how I placed much burden on myself for wanting to perform well on the reboot i.e. reach N number of days.

Send some forgiveness to yourself. Say to yourself I forgive myself for having to experience this. I forgive myself for not being married. I forgive myself for not having already dealt with alchomolism. I forgive myself for _______.

We are in for a long haul. I made my first post in 2014 on YBR. Wow. 7 years later I can say I made some substantial progress. And this with seeing someone 1x per week for 1 year now and self-studying psychology.

You will figure it out. I believe you can do it.

Much love
EW
I feel you, man. I can honestly say I understand what expectations can do to someone. Like I've said already, I have this big pressure on me as the only kid to continue the family. And I will be 31 soon and I am addicted to porn and I have this crippling social anxiety. As a guy it's very difficult to find girls with crippling social anxiety. I swear, I am almost certain my social anxiety is because of porn, after analyzing the evolution of my porn addiction I can swear this is the case. I've been thinking for years: "I need to quit porn and my social anxiety, even if it won't go away completely, at least it will not be crippling." But I can't fuckin quit porn. It drives me crazy.
 
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