I drink very rarely, but one time when I got drunk I came home, went to bed and a few minutes later I relapsed for some reason. It really doesn't help in leaving the PMO addiction, but it's a great tool for auto-destruction.I got a little drunk yesterday and I was pushed hard to start edging to porn but I resisted.
Hey, man, thank you for the information.I drink very rarely, but one time when I got drunk I came home, went to bed and a few minutes later I relapsed for some reason. It really doesn't help in leaving the PMO addiction, but it's a great tool for auto-destruction.
Have in mind that ethanol alters neurons' membranes as well as their ion channels, enzymes, binds directly to the GABA & serotonin & acetylcholine receptors and also NMDA receptors for glutamate... Inhibits NMDA functioning, binds to glycine receptors... Two of my main interests are psychopharmacology and neurobiology and honestly, I can't think of any drug with wider effects on the brain than ethyl alcohol. Not even mentioning what it makes the liver & pancreas go through.
The whole thing I wrote above was written just because I have some hope in me that it might show you, with just cold facts, how ethanol actually affects the body.
I really hope you get better. I wish I knew how to help you more, but if I did, I probably wouldn't be doing drugs myself.
You're not alone. You, along with many others, are on the frontier of the human experience. We see your suffering, we acknowledge your pain, and we are with you in your utmost vulnerability but we cannot make the choice for you. Only you can do that.Relapse. Binge all day.
Thanks for support, man. Yes, you're right. Nobody does this for yourself, it's your process, people can only offer support. I don't know if I can do something this year anymore, I wish I could, but my process is abysmal recently. I've fallen really hard since the summer. I'm relapsing myself to death.You're not alone. You, along with many others, are on the frontier of the human experience. We see your suffering, we acknowledge your pain, and we are with you in your utmost vulnerability but we cannot make the choice for you. Only you can do that.
Will you make the choice in ten years? Of course. Will you make it in five? Surely. Will you make it next year? Definetly. Will you make it in a month? Perhaps. Will you make it next week? Uncertain. Will you make it tomorrow? Probably not. Will you make it now? No.
In the end, it doesn't matter. The choice has to be made again and again.
I hope and pray you make the right choice Escape, but nobody else but you can make it right. What a tremendous power we have, so tremendous it's terrifying and any indulgance seems justified to avert our eyes to this truth that nothing truly determines us one way or another but our own conscious choice. Take courage, Escape, and turn the tide against yourself.
Alright. I got the idea. Maybe you're right.Years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds... what does it matter? These are all just constructions we make to keep track of things, which, useful as they are, are not the real thing. Does the heart keep a schedule with its beats? No - it goes on for as long as it can. Do kids measure the time when they're having fun? No, they enjoy and live it, time just "becomes them". You've gotta start pumping the heart of choosing who you want to be, escape, so you can get the life you truly want, and it's got nothing to do how much is left of this year or how many times you've relapsed. The future and the past can become tyrannical, and then I suggest you focus on your immediacy; take what's around you, can you reshuffle something, can you perhaps clean up, can you perhaps do something you really like the next hour?
I have recently been trying out cold showers to shake things up. I cannot do more than 15-20 seconds of my head and shoulders under maximal cold, but it's enough to jolt my system. Maybe something you could try? If not - you have to keep trying new things, otherwise how do you expect things to change?
I don't believe you are not motivated Escape. If you really were not motivated, you wouldn't come back and write that post. I dare you to go back to a life of full on junkie and abandon this forum, to go back to all the misery and life of permanent failure. I don't believe you consciously want that, and I also believe you are much better than this.