Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Massive fuckin urges for fuck's sake 
I need to up my game.
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Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
I've been craving porn all day. Not big urges but intense craving for pleasure. I am not as motivated this time as I was in June this year, I wish I had that determination from back then. I don't know, I'm trying to make it to the end of the day without mistakes.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
I feel better mentally, I have more energy and I feel more productive. If I relapse now, I will most certainly fall into a binge and lose this. I will feel depressed and tired.
Phineas 808
Respected Member
It may be that drinking is part of your ritual. But always remember that, even if you drank, you can still interupt your ritual and not take it all the way to P, or PMO.
Bottom line, brother, you're in control! Prove it to yourself, pour a little drink (ginger ale or just ale), deep breathe, look at it in the glass, deep breathe, and then pour it down the drain...! Some people go through their ritual without actually responding to the urges!
What worked for me, even back in 2016, was learning how to 'work with' my urges. You have to know that no matter how strong the urges are, they always pass, always... it's like a law of nature. When I learned this (and yes, I had failures trying to learn it!), something fundamental 'clicked' in my head:
Outside stimuli, such as cues (triggers) and their uges, can't make me do anything. It's only as I resist them, fight them, or feed them, that I strengthen the habituated neural pathways.
The less I respond, the weaker these 'well-worn' grooves become, and I take back my freedom.
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Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Thanks for advice.
Yesterday I almost ejaculated I watched some porn scenes of an actress I like for a few hours but I managed to control myself I just got aroused and touched I had been drinking and this affected me a little I did not want to throw all my sacrifices away only a day 26 i'm sorry i watched those scenes but i still resisted i want to go on with my path but hoping to be able to have real sex as soon as possible
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Day 11
I craved porn all evening, yesterday. It was a mental agony. I was crazy about watching porn and at the same time, stopping myself. This created a big mental misery. I was making plans to watch "a little bit". The craving is unbearable. I don't know how much I can continue.
I craved porn all evening, yesterday. It was a mental agony. I was crazy about watching porn and at the same time, stopping myself. This created a big mental misery. I was making plans to watch "a little bit". The craving is unbearable. I don't know how much I can continue.
Make no mistake I almost gave in yesterday but in the end I won I watched some videos and that's it without ejaculation just a little crush is the willpower that makes the difference go out and keep your mind busy it is when you are alone and sad that takes you wants
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Day 0
I edged to fantasies then PMOed once after about 5 minutes of looking at some pictures.
I don't know how people deal with the unbearable craving. I really don't know. I'm not talking about urges here, I'm talking about the craving. I have no idea how some of you get astronomical (for me) numbers like 60 days. I can't deal with the craving for porn. I'm too sexually frustrated, I can't resist the pleasure. I am not sure I can escape this anymore. I should change my fuckin nickname.
I edged to fantasies then PMOed once after about 5 minutes of looking at some pictures.
I don't know how people deal with the unbearable craving. I really don't know. I'm not talking about urges here, I'm talking about the craving. I have no idea how some of you get astronomical (for me) numbers like 60 days. I can't deal with the craving for porn. I'm too sexually frustrated, I can't resist the pleasure. I am not sure I can escape this anymore. I should change my fuckin nickname.
Phineas 808
Respected Member
You had a good run, your progress is not lost!
The craving is due to either feeding or fighting the urges... The cravings, the urges will always go down on their own. In the moment take a few deep breaths without criticising yourself for having the urges/cravings, and let them diminish on their own without responding to them, they will pass.
Don't feel sorry for yourself, this thing is what it is, and you can and will escape from it! Change your nickname? Yeah, find one that's even more hopeful, one that's even more determined to change yourself! Find a nickname that will either inspire you, or challenge you to live up to it.
You did hit something with the self-identification idea, just don't go negative with it! I believe in you, brother!
The craving is due to either feeding or fighting the urges... The cravings, the urges will always go down on their own. In the moment take a few deep breaths without criticising yourself for having the urges/cravings, and let them diminish on their own without responding to them, they will pass.
Don't feel sorry for yourself, this thing is what it is, and you can and will escape from it! Change your nickname? Yeah, find one that's even more hopeful, one that's even more determined to change yourself! Find a nickname that will either inspire you, or challenge you to live up to it.
You did hit something with the self-identification idea, just don't go negative with it! I believe in you, brother!
Never give up you have made progress we are made of flesh and we are weak sometimes even yesterday I was about to give in but with the will we can do it it is not easy not to give up bro you can do more just want it
guiganvoger
Active Member
It's been a little while since you got yourself to 10+ days escape. You should feel proud of that and let that motivation help you continue forward.
Unfortunately after the relapse you always feel so we all know it is a reaction of the brain now the first days especially are hard in any case you also noticed that you felt better and this must give you the strength to react at least you know which is the way right and you have to make sacrifices to succeed but you can do it don't give up I don't know if a therapist can help you but it could be an option in your case don't be ashamed this is a modern evil that affects millions of people
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Day 0
Relapse x 4
Relapse x 4
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
December 13 2021
Day 2
I PMOed 5 times in 2 days plus a little too much edging. The day before, I had started to feel the unbearable craving and the sexual frustration and I felt that I was on the track that was going to lead to the relapse. I tried to avoid it but it didn't work. As per usual, the idea of the "least damaging behavior" started to look like a great idea that would not break me. The memory of the post-binging misery was distant and could not shake me, the thought of feeling better mentally and physically after 11 days of hard mode didn't motivate me at all, nothing mattered anymore in that moment, the thought that I didn't want to lose 11 days, go back to day 1 and have to painfully wait 11 days again meant nothing to me, the urges made everything go away, I only saw the pleasure. Therefore, as per usual, I began masturbating while playing porn fantasies in my head (the least damaging behavior, MO had replaced this a couple of times but then my brain refused the little stimulation of MO), which eventually leads to a lot more. After doing this for a while, the high dissipated and I regretted having started in the first place. I felt that my streak was ruined. But I told to myself that I would stop there and not escalate. I tried to soothe myself that not everything was lost, that it only did a little damage, that I could continue my streak without problems, but I got depressed and angry and I turned everything into a big drama. I didn't resist for too long and I started edging to pictures, edging to porn flashbacks and fantasies and I Oed.
The next day I could not control the chaser effect, watched some porn then edged to pictures and proceeded to Oing 4 times to porn flashbacks and fantasies.
After the first PMO on the second day, I was absolutely fuming. I was mad at myself, I hated myself. I didn't want to come here anymore out of embarrassment. I was embarrassed that that was all I could do.
Now I can make an observation: I have a black and white mentality. I think because of my OCD and perfectionism, I want my streak to be perfect so any small amount that includes the behaviors I want to avoid (porn, PMO and MO) make me feel like my streak is ruined and now I'm back to day 0. This is not a good behavior for me, it won't lead me anywhere.
I wanted to give up this month and start again in January next year. I am really depressed about my small progress. Since summer I've been back to my "same old". The same type of small streaks, the same type of behavior, relapsing in the same way etc. I don't like this at all. This is the true definition of a "Relapse". I don't know how to control my craving for porn pleasure, coming out of a very obsessive, strong sexual frustration.
Day 2
I PMOed 5 times in 2 days plus a little too much edging. The day before, I had started to feel the unbearable craving and the sexual frustration and I felt that I was on the track that was going to lead to the relapse. I tried to avoid it but it didn't work. As per usual, the idea of the "least damaging behavior" started to look like a great idea that would not break me. The memory of the post-binging misery was distant and could not shake me, the thought of feeling better mentally and physically after 11 days of hard mode didn't motivate me at all, nothing mattered anymore in that moment, the thought that I didn't want to lose 11 days, go back to day 1 and have to painfully wait 11 days again meant nothing to me, the urges made everything go away, I only saw the pleasure. Therefore, as per usual, I began masturbating while playing porn fantasies in my head (the least damaging behavior, MO had replaced this a couple of times but then my brain refused the little stimulation of MO), which eventually leads to a lot more. After doing this for a while, the high dissipated and I regretted having started in the first place. I felt that my streak was ruined. But I told to myself that I would stop there and not escalate. I tried to soothe myself that not everything was lost, that it only did a little damage, that I could continue my streak without problems, but I got depressed and angry and I turned everything into a big drama. I didn't resist for too long and I started edging to pictures, edging to porn flashbacks and fantasies and I Oed.
The next day I could not control the chaser effect, watched some porn then edged to pictures and proceeded to Oing 4 times to porn flashbacks and fantasies.
After the first PMO on the second day, I was absolutely fuming. I was mad at myself, I hated myself. I didn't want to come here anymore out of embarrassment. I was embarrassed that that was all I could do.
Now I can make an observation: I have a black and white mentality. I think because of my OCD and perfectionism, I want my streak to be perfect so any small amount that includes the behaviors I want to avoid (porn, PMO and MO) make me feel like my streak is ruined and now I'm back to day 0. This is not a good behavior for me, it won't lead me anywhere.
I wanted to give up this month and start again in January next year. I am really depressed about my small progress. Since summer I've been back to my "same old". The same type of small streaks, the same type of behavior, relapsing in the same way etc. I don't like this at all. This is the true definition of a "Relapse". I don't know how to control my craving for porn pleasure, coming out of a very obsessive, strong sexual frustration.
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@Escapeandnevercomeback I can relate to this buddy . I have not been able to go farther than 11-12 days this year without PMO and chat rooms . I have set up router rules to block all sites that I usually access but I know the password for the router . It’s like I have the keys to the sin room.
see if you can change up your environment. That seemed to have worked for me in the past . Like for example changing diet , changing where you sit for work everyday . You need to change up things and try with renewed commitment.
Be forgiving on yourself too that’s very important. It’s ok we are going to get this but one step at a time . Next time you feel like you are doing good and mind is trying to knock you down please think what else , what can I do to not let myself down this rabit hole now again and then do what seems most appropriate to salvage the reboot journey . I know those moments when you’re thinking like “it’s probably okay to just take a little peek now cos I have made it 10 days now” . That’s when we are being very vulnerable and that’s the time to renew the commitment to full sobriety. Somehow anyhow. Untill we do that , we are gonna be in this vulnerable vicious cycle .
so let’s renew our commitment and reinforce it time and time again until we break our limits and see beyond and realize what’s possible .
I am day 1 today and this time I will look for ways to avoid vulnerable thoughts as I try to make progress .
good effort buddy . Keep at it . We will win
MI30s
see if you can change up your environment. That seemed to have worked for me in the past . Like for example changing diet , changing where you sit for work everyday . You need to change up things and try with renewed commitment.
Be forgiving on yourself too that’s very important. It’s ok we are going to get this but one step at a time . Next time you feel like you are doing good and mind is trying to knock you down please think what else , what can I do to not let myself down this rabit hole now again and then do what seems most appropriate to salvage the reboot journey . I know those moments when you’re thinking like “it’s probably okay to just take a little peek now cos I have made it 10 days now” . That’s when we are being very vulnerable and that’s the time to renew the commitment to full sobriety. Somehow anyhow. Untill we do that , we are gonna be in this vulnerable vicious cycle .
so let’s renew our commitment and reinforce it time and time again until we break our limits and see beyond and realize what’s possible .
I am day 1 today and this time I will look for ways to avoid vulnerable thoughts as I try to make progress .
good effort buddy . Keep at it . We will win
MI30s
EarthWalker
Well-Known Member
fwiw: I think that doing consistent 10 day something streaks is an achievement non-the-less. Obviously not ideal. But in my lensing we put to much pressure on ourselves with expectations. As I am learning about healing and holding space for myself. Healing is all about being able to allow ourselves to relax, let go, soften. I noticed I used to put a lot of pressure on myself when I relapsed. I find this now counter productive.
It is not easy for anyone, relapses are always lurking and you need to have strong willpower to keep them at bay I am 39 years old and maybe I have some for that too but I risked myself last week with edging then I forced myself not to ruining all the sacrifices made and thanks to my willpower I stopped before relapsing tomorrow will be 30 days and I am very happy with this even if it bothers me that I did edging the other day. Guys don't give up it's not easy but while you are about to have relapses think about how you will feel afterwards and stop for a moment even just 5 minutes with the timer to reflect and your head and your soul will make you stop..stay strong guys
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Hey, man, thanks for the support.
I know what you're talking about. About the password, maybe you could ask someone else to choose a password and never tell you?
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
But it's not enough for me. 10 days was a big achievement back in the days when my best was 4 days but I got stuck here. I've been stagnating too much. It is around day 7, 8 or 9 that things start getting difficult and I usually relapse or I suffer with the craving and the urges and fail by day 10-11. It's the same circle that I walk. And I need more than this. I haven't made it to more than 11 days in a while. Since summer I've been constantly failing.