The "funny" thing in all this is that I don't even know. I've been struggling with this confusing for years. My mom has social anxiety issues so I used to think I had inherited it from her. But the thing is, when I was in elementary school I had no social anxiety. I was a very active student, I had good grades, teachers liked me because I was prepared, I went to the chalk board to write math, chemistry, physics stuff, I read in class in front of everybody and I had no problem doing all this. Then when I was 14, I developed a routine with two masturbation sessions each day while playing porn induced fantasies and porn flashbacks in my mind. Every single day. I started watching softcore porn movies after midnight on weekends and used them as flashbacks for my masturbation as well. And here my social anxiety started. At one point I started to think it was porn induced. But I really can't say, I would have to quit porn to know the truth. I have to say I regret not trying years ago to at least try to see if I could do something about my social anxiety. All I know is that we should die trying to fix the problem, not to die with it. But who the fuck knows what the fuck was going through my head, no even me. Anyway, all that shit is gone, I can't change it, but I could hurry up with this porn shit and at least be done with it earlier. Like this I could see the truth about my social anxiety. Cheers. Thanks for support.Do you feel like the anxiety is coming from the unfulfilled purge to PMO/drink, or do you think you have always had the anxiety but have been using those to bury it, so when you don't you are forced to feel it?
For me I think it's the second. I always have had anxiety and used PMO as a bad way to cope. I didn't mention in my new journal, but I have finally admitted that I have social anxiety and generalized anxiety, largely driven by my perfectionism. I'm starting to work on that through CBT now. I suspect it is much easier to overcome these addictions if you also address the underlying cause. Might be worth starting there IF you feel like your situation is similar.
You've got this.