I need to up my game.

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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Phineas 808 said:
"Bumped into the killer" is right! But, he's also another killer like PMO that you can ignore and go about your day. Always remember that he brings his ugly cousin (PMO) along with him whenever he shows up.

But, just like with porn, if we make it too big a deal it will be a big deal. All the power to say, 'No' or 'Yes' is in you, and not in whatever is reminding you- some outward trigger, or emotional state like depression.

There's a difference I make between 'external triggers' (or cues, I prefer to say), say like a billboard advertising P, or alcohol and 'internal triggers' where emotionally we feel rejected when passed over for a promotion, let's say, that can also act to cue us toward either of these behaviors.

No matter, because in both cases, you have the power to dismiss any urges that come from these.
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I like how you said that: If you make it a big deal, it will be a big deal. I need to avoid panicking. There is a little bit of fear, you know, "Will I be able to pass this without relapsing?" The thing with porn is that I've seen that I can do it, in 24 days I've been challenged multiple times but when it comes to alcohol, you see, it's tricky, I didn't really crave it much until today so I focused more on porn and then BAM! I craved alcohol all of a sudden like crazy. You know, funny or not, I can outcome hard urges when it comes to porn but when it comes to alcohol I almost never could say the same in the past. In 2021 my longest streak without drinking was 40+ days (46?) achieved only once and then the rest of the streaks were embarrassing. You know what's crazy? I say that my number one problem is porn but I've had more success with no porn in the past than with no alcohol. Given the fact that alcohol almost always makes me indulge in porn, I think I should focus more on actually staying sober because this seems to be an even bigger challenge! It's crazy when you realize something like this. And the thing is, I started with porn, alcohol came later as a result of me trying to medicate the problems caused by porn.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 25

Yesterday was difficult. The morning was alright but it got bad in the afternoon. I started craving alcohol very much and later I had some urges too. I felt kind of depressed but I guess because I refrained from drinking? Forcefully denying myself the pleasure can get me down big time. There is sometimes that feeling of "low", that feeling of needing stimulation, needing to be "elevated" by porn and alcohol. Let's see how today goes.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
It's just like yesterday. The morning was alright and then it turned miserable in the afternoon. I feel pretty much like shit mentally. I'm going through a fuckin stress situation that provokes anxiety and my anxiety and panic responses are high, I'm freaking the fuck out. I don't like how I feel at all, I'm depressed and strange emotions are washing over me. Some days ago I felt on top of the world and now I crashed hard. I crave alcohol.
 
zaraki888

zaraki888

Active Member
Escapeandnevercomeback said:
It's just like yesterday. The morning was alright and then it turned miserable in the afternoon. I feel pretty much like shit mentally. I'm going through a fuckin stress situation that provokes anxiety and my anxiety and panic responses are high, I'm freaking the fuck out. I don't like how I feel at all, I'm depressed and strange emotions are washing over me. Some days ago I felt on top of the world and now I crashed hard. I crave alcohol.
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These looks to me just normal withdrawal symptoms. Hold on, endure and do not give in. Watch your thoughts and emotions and when they turn negative, turn them back in positive. Just thinking like I just feel a bit down today but man am I happy to finally get rid of this addiction for good! Absolutely worth it! Life is so much better without. These feelings are letting me know the end is near. Turn withdrawal pangs into pleasure like a computer game.

Can you do something to cheer you up like having a walk outside? In those situations I get out, away from any electronic devices. The feeling is temporarily. If you just delay it, perhaps replace with some other activity which gives a good feeling, it will go away.

''When you are about to give up, your enemy is about to give up as well'' Take care
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
zaraki888 said:
These looks to me just normal withdrawal symptoms. Hold on, endure and do not give in. Watch your thoughts and emotions and when they turn negative, turn them back in positive. Just thinking like I just feel a bit down today but man am I happy to finally get rid of this addiction for good! Absolutely worth it! Life is so much better without. These feelings are letting me know the end is near. Turn withdrawal pangs into pleasure like a computer game.

Can you do something to cheer you up like having a walk outside? In those situations I get out, away from any electronic devices. The feeling is temporarily. If you just delay it, perhaps replace with some other activity which gives a good feeling, it will go away.

''When you are about to give up, your enemy is about to give up as well'' Take care
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Thanks for support and advice, man.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 26

Today was better than yesterday mentally-wise but it's the second day in a row when I deny myself a drink. The craving for alcohol is strong. I don't know how much I can postpone this. The only thing that kept me from getting anything to drink was the fear that if I drank, I might end up binging PMO. If this happened, I would not get 26 porn free days for months, I'm pretty sure.

I feel low. I crave stimulation and pleasure, I crave porn and drinking.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
 
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logicprox

Active Member
Hey dude, I feel you. I was starting to feel that way when I started thinking ahead a lot. For me, calming down how much I was looking forward calmed down the "build-up". I think the urges don't build up (for me) so much as the fear of slipping builds up as time goes o, and I think sometimes it's really just that that drives slips. But it's just today, just this moment, that you have to get through. There is no tomorrow, until tomorrow. And all you have to do today, is just what you did yesterday. Let the urges go. You're still got this.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
logicprox said:
Hey dude, I feel you. I was starting to feel that way when I started thinking ahead a lot. For me, calming down how much I was looking forward calmed down the "build-up". I think the urges don't build up (for me) so much as the fear of slipping builds up as time goes o, and I think sometimes it's really just that that drives slips. But it's just today, just this moment, that you have to get through. There is no tomorrow, until tomorrow. And all you have to do today, is just what you did yesterday. Let the urges go. You're still got this.
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You're right, man. Thanks.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 27

Wow, I can't believe how far I've come, all of a sudden. I think last time when I wrote day 27 here was summer last year. I don't remember having a more recent 27 days streak. The end of last year was a very tough period with binges and short streaks. I was miserable and lost. Who could've believed I could create another chance to save myself. It all started with "I need to make an effort because this is the New Year's promise, I didn't binge watch porn for the whole December only to relapse now after a few days of the new year" but then I went back to the basics, I dusted off my "Porn dopamine to the minimum" method, I quit drinking and here I am. I'm motherfuckin proud about myself for the first time in months. My brain functions better and I feel better about myself.

Today:
I felt better mentally than the last couple of days. The stressful situation is over for now and I can relax a little bit but it's not over completely. However, I have this feeling that I can overcome it.

I think I am going to feel low and crave stimulation for a period of time. That's the "price" I have to pay for going cold turkey with both alcohol and porn. It's an insignificant thing to worry about anyway. The benefits it's staying away from them are too big, socially, mentally and spiritually. I will have a chance to get rid of porn if I stay away from drinking. I craved it surprisingly too little until 3 days ago when all of a sudden it hit me hard. It made me realize that I have a tactic for urges but I don't for alcohol. It's a different beast.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
At least for the past few days, urges for porn have been easily manageable. The only thing that could mess up all this is drinking. With alcohol it's a whole different story, I've been kind of struggling to stay away from it, but I need to because this is for the sake of finally escaping this idiotic porn addiction that's been with me since I was 14.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 29

Urges have not been high recently. Is this the calm before the storm? I should probably prepare for other rounds of hard urges. I've been kind of lethargic even. Social anxiety has gone down a little bit but it's still present. I wonder whether my high social anxiety is really porn induced or not. I guess I have to continue the cold turkey for a few more months to find out.
 
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Phineas 808

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Congrats, Escape, on almost a month away from your unwanted behaviors! Proud of you, brother!

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
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I know you were of a different mindset when you wrote this, but I think you have to confront this 'belief' so it doesn't bite you in the butt when you're faced with urges...

First, I know recovery is work, but also think of recovery as fun, as play- because you get to become someone you thought you could never be, and that's freakin' exciting! Conquering these long standing addictions, finally, this year, is exciting! Nothing dull about that!

Second, PMO and drinking = poison, and not play! You have to kill that freaking lie! If I lapse to P, PMO, or MO, it's not playtime for me, as the pleasure is extremely short lived (like cotton candy), and then I'm left with the consequences (cavities).

Like Zaraki suggested, find other things that you find fun or exciting to occupy your time with. When I've had time off to myself, I write out a list to make sure I take advantage of it, and do things I really love. In other words, redefine what you think of as 'fun' and what you think of as 'play'- you deserve to enjoy yourself, just not with poison.

You got this, brother!
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Phineas 808 said:
Congrats, Escape, on almost a month away from your unwanted behaviors! Proud of you, brother!



I know you were of a different mindset when you wrote this, but I think you have to confront this 'belief' so it doesn't bite you in the butt when you're faced with urges...

First, I know recovery is work, but also think of recovery as fun, as play- because you get to become someone you thought you could never be, and that's freakin' exciting! Conquering these long standing addictions, finally, this year, is exciting! Nothing dull about that!

Second, PMO and drinking = poison, and not play! You have to kill that freaking lie! If I lapse to P, PMO, or MO, it's not playtime for me, as the pleasure is extremely short lived (like cotton candy), and then I'm left with the consequences (cavities).

Like Zaraki suggested, find other things that you find fun or exciting to occupy your time with. When I've had time off to myself, I write out a list to make sure I take advantage of it, and do things I really love. In other words, redefine what you think of as 'fun' and what you think of as 'play'- you deserve to enjoy yourself, just not with poison.

You got this, brother!
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Thanks for advice, bro!
 
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