I need to up my game.

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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Timetoheal2396 said:
Great job on making it to day 35. You are killing it man! I know what you mean about those morning urges they are tough but you got this. Be proud of how far you have come and never look back my friend.
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Absolutely. The temptation is still massive but I never want to go back to that shit. I don't want to wait 5 weeks again to get here, as long as I'm here, I might as well go on. It's not easy but it is what it is. Embrace the suck!
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I've been experiencing mood swings in the last three days. All day I'm fine until the evening when I have deep depressive episodes (I don't know why only the evening), feeling super depressed and miserable, no mood to talk to anybody...

Urges are strong. The porn dopamine is super sensitive, going wild with any small thought. I don't know, I guess I'm starting to see what's really like to go cold turkey for 5 weeks. It's very difficult.

I have trouble concentrating too. My brain functions slowly and I can barely get the words out. :confused: I guess I can say I'm struggling.
 
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Phineas 808

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Escapeandnevercomeback said:
I've been experiencing mood swings in the last three days. All day I'm fine until the evening when I have deep depressive episodes (I don't know why only the evening), feeling super depressed and miserable, no mood to talk to anybody...

Urges are strong. The porn dopamine is super sensitive, going wild with any small thought. I don't know, I guess I'm starting to see what's really like to go cold turkey for 5 weeks. It's very difficult.

I have trouble concentrating too. My brain functions slowly and I can barely get the words out. :confused: I guess I can say I'm struggling.
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This, too, will pass. You're experiencing the lower brain kicking and sreaming for its dopamine. It feels like it will kill you, but it cannot! These urges cannot last, they will peak and then subside. Just view them nonjudgmentally, and breathe deeply through them. If they return, rinse and repeat.

The brain fog is hypofrontality, which is a lower blood flow to the brain's frontol cortex (for critical thinking and decision making), due to our feeding the survivalist lower brain all this time. This hypofrontality will correct itself after about 56 days of abstinence.

It will get better, just be very gentle and understanding of yourself.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Phineas 808 said:
This, too, will pass. You're experiencing the lower brain kicking and sreaming for its dopamine. It feels like it will kill you, but it cannot! These urges cannot last, they will peak and then subside. Just view them nonjudgmentally, and breathe deeply through them. If they return, rinse and repeat.

The brain fog is hypofrontality, which is a lower blood flow to the brain's frontol cortext (for critical thinking and decision making), due to our feeding the survivalist lower brain all this time. This hypofrontality will correct itself after about 56 days of abstinence.

It will get better, just be very gentle and understanding of yourself.
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(y)
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Manage the hypersexual thoughts! This is very important. Porn dopamine must be kept to a minimum. When we engage with the "porn in our head", fantasizing about porn, "watching" flashbacks and stuff, we make the dopamine go wild and it's very hard to resist after that. The porn theater from our head must be ignored. This has been a great help so far for me because, for the first time, I've made an effort to disengage myself from the porn fantasies/flashbacks in the first seconds.

Embrace the suck!
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Ajinkya said:
Hey buddy , I get you .
There are bad days and days you wish to quit it all together,
Testosterone is quite powerful & pushes you to verge of relapse somedays.
But dont forget how far you have come and what difficulties you have overcome till now.
More power to you.
Take care.
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Thanks for the encouragement.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Escapeandnevercomeback said:
I've been feeling pretty miserable in the last 4 days.
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The last 4 evenings I should say. For some reason, I'm fine during the day but when the evening comes, I enter a fuckin deep depressive episode. I don't understand why the evening. Maybe it's how my brain works. I used to have those massive depressive episodes in the evening when I was about 19. Maybe it is because I can't "medicate" myself anymore with porn and getting drunk. Staying away from two addictions at once is very difficult.
 
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yogi

Active Member
Escapeandnevercomeback said:
The last 4 evenings I should say. For some reason, I'm fine during the day but when the evening comes, I enter a fuckin deep depressive episode. I don't understand why the evening. Maybe it's how my brain works. I used to have those massive depressive episodes in the evening when I was about 19. Maybe it is because I can't "medicate" myself anymore with porn and getting drunk. Staying away from two addictions at once is very difficult.
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Very likely to be withdrawal symptoms Escape.

I too get intermittent headaches in the evening whenever I am rebooting (as I do now). When I used to watch porn, I never used to have such headaches. Then they subside in some time.

Stay strong. Try meditation/ deep breathing exercises during that episode. Might make a difference.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
yogi said:
Very likely to be withdrawal symptoms Escape.

I too get intermittent headaches in the evening whenever I am rebooting (as I do now). When I used to watch porn, I never used to have such headaches. Then they subside in some time.

Stay strong. Try meditation/ deep breathing exercises during that episode. Might make a difference.
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Thanks, man. I appreciate the support and advice.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 40

40 days without looking at porn, man! 40 fuckin days, can I believe this? Of course I can because I know exactly why it happened. 40 days ago I was desperate, borderline fuckin suicidal and stuff. I didn't know why it didn't work. Only to realize a couple of hours later that the solution was right in front of me. You know, I believe this is a personal thing, a personal journey, we need to find the tools inside us. How can we deal with urges? How can we deal with flashbacks? How can we deal with all the mental nightmare that this can put us through? I believe everyone has the tools inside but they are buried in there because they have never been needed. Now it's time to get them out like John Wick. We break the floor and take the guns out. And then it will start working. Don't try to rely on motivation alone. Motivation comes and goes. You can pump yourself up and then this goes away 1 week later and you relapse. We need to be driven.

This is a definition of driven:

(of a person) relentlessly compelled by the need to accomplish a goal; very hard-working and ambitious.

That's right. We need to be that guy who is crazy about quitting porn. "No, man, I'm doing everything it takes to quit porn, absolutely everything it takes!"
 
Phineas 808

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Awesome post, Escape! Congrats on day 40, certainly a milestone in your continuing victory!

John Wick, lol... Yes, you remind me of John Wick coming at this thing, both guns blazing! You continue to be an inspiration and a clarion call to up our game, and give this thing twice the hell it's given us in our lives.

Let's do this!
 
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Timetoheal2396

Member
Escapeandnevercomeback said:
Day 40

40 days without looking at porn, man! 40 fuckin days, can I believe this? Of course I can because I know exactly why it happened. 40 days ago I was desperate, borderline fuckin suicidal and stuff. I didn't know why it didn't work. Only to realize a couple of hours later that the solution was right in front of me. You know, I believe this is a personal thing, a personal journey, we need to find the tools inside us. How can we deal with urges? How can we deal with flashbacks? How can we deal with all the mental nightmare that this can put us through? I believe everyone has the tools inside but they are buried in there because they have never been needed. Now it's time to get them out like John Wick. We break the floor and take the guns out. And then it will start working. Don't try to rely on motivation alone. Motivation comes and goes. You can pump yourself up and then this goes away 1 week later and you relapse. We need to be driven.

This is a definition of driven:

(of a person) relentlessly compelled by the need to accomplish a goal; very hard-working and ambitious.

That's right. We need to be that guy who is crazy about quitting porn. "No, man, I'm doing everything it takes to quit porn, absolutely everything it takes!"
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Awesome post brother and congrats on 40 days. You really hit it on the head with your thoughts on finding the tools within us. Keep fighting brother you are a fucking warrior!
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Phineas 808 said:
Awesome post, Escape! Congrats on day 40, certainly a milestone in your continuing victory!

John Wick, lol... Yes, you remind me of John Wick coming at this thing, both guns blazing! You continue to be an inspiration and a clarion call to up our game, and give this thing twice the hell it's given us in our lives.

Let's do this!
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:D Thanks, man.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
One more day until 6 weeks without watching porn. I'm not in hard mode anymore but it was not my goal to stay in hard mode. My goal is to never watch porn and to never masturbate thinking about porn. It's been done so far.

But, today is not a good day. I barely slept last night (maybe 1-2 hours total) and I feel pretty sick. The fact that I have a cold surely doesn't help either. Being tired, I could feel how porn tried to push its way into my day. It's the same old bullshit, PMO because I'm tired and looking for comfort type of thing. But I'm at the point where I can see it coming, it's a matter of embracing the suck now.
 
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Timetoheal2396

Member
Escapeandnevercomeback said:
One more day until 6 weeks without watching porn. I'm not in hard mode anymore but it was not my goal to stay in hard mode. My goal is to never watch porn and to never masturbate thinking about porn. It's been done so far.

But, today is not a good day. I barely slept last night (maybe 1-2 hours total) and I feel pretty sick. The fact that I have a cold surely doesn't help either. Being tired, I could feel how porn tried to push its way into my day. It's the same old bullshit, PMO because I'm tired and looking for comfort type of thing. But I'm at the point where I can see it coming, it's a matter of embracing the suck now.
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Sorry to hear you are struggling and not feeling well on top of that. I hope you can stay strong embrace the suck and let it pass. Keep fighting and congrats on you success so far. Keep in mind porn may give you temporary comfort but remembering how it has hurt you long terms has been helping me with my urges. I hope you are feeling better soon bro keep fighting!
 
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