I need to up my game.

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Well done, Escape! I agree with you, if there's a causal link being made between alcohol and p-addiction, quitting both would be ideal. It seems when you're doing this, you make the best progress...

For me, social media- and how it can become p-subs for me- are what links me back to the unwanted behaviors. So, if I want to make real progress again, I have to disengage from both, which I describe in my journal. Though, I would say- because ironically I use social media for outreach and business, I kind of have to make it work...

But the point is taken that, whatever links us back- or what ever is paired together with the P, PMO behaviors, we have to cut it loose- or radically alter it- so it doesn't keep making us fall.
I agree bro. Yeah, it sucks when you need social media for work and social media is known to be p-subs... I don't use it almost at all but what happens is that my "typical relapse" starts with edging to flashbacks then edging to social media and then edging to porn and PMO. Social media is (fortunately used to be) included in my behavior. But only when I cross the line in my head and I agree to relapse. With alcohol it's another story. For who's been following my journal, it's no secret that I'm addicted to alcohol. Not hardcore vodka next to the bed, shaking type of alcoholic but still... And alcohol almost always makes me binge porn. I mean binge porn straight up, without the "typical relapse" scenario. I've been trying to quit alcohol but this means quitting both at the same time and it sucks big time, I ain't gonna lie, two sets of cravings, double dose of agitation, feeling of low, depression etc.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
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I know its the usual two-headed beast you're facing down, bro, but as you give it time- with repetition and consistency- the urges will change, be less intense for both, and you'll feel great for being a man in control of himself.

You got this!
 

Orbiter

Well-Known Member
Perhaps now's a good time to take a lesson from my most recent mistake? Ruminating over the urges is only going to make them worse. Take the biblical approach to this one and flee temptation. Get off the computer and find something else to do that you can concentrate your thoughts on.

Any ideas of things that you could do instead? Maybe even just get out of the house for some kind of huge, epic walk?
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Perhaps now's a good time to take a lesson from my most recent mistake? Ruminating over the urges is only going to make them worse. Take the biblical approach to this one and flee temptation. Get off the computer and find something else to do that you can concentrate your thoughts on.

Any ideas of things that you could do instead? Maybe even just get out of the house for some kind of huge, epic walk?
Thanks, man.
 

Phineas 808

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Staff member
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As always, the problem is in my mind, this is a mental game for me. If I cross the line in my head and agree to watch porn, I'm done for.

This is true for each of us, and that is why we have to 'win' in our head first before it comes true in our experience.

See yourself victorious, see yourself proud of yourself for changing your life, see yourself marking off a week, then a month, then a year, of not doing the unwanted behaviors. But, take it one day at a time...

If you can do 1 week, you can do another, and then another.

I try to avoid setting up fake boundaries for myself- for example, recently I was like, "Uh oh, seems like I lapse around 15 days or less...!" But I already know this is artificial and only a thought or idea from the beast-brain. Heck, you've made it over 57 days last year...!

Set it and forget it, you've got this!
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
This is true for each of us, and that is why we have to 'win' in our head first before it comes true in our experience.

See yourself victorious, see yourself proud of yourself for changing your life, see yourself marking off a week, then a month, then a year, of not doing the unwanted behaviors. But, take it one day at a time...

If you can do 1 week, you can do another, and then another.

I try to avoid setting up fake boundaries for myself- for example, recently I was like, "Uh oh, seems like I lapse around 15 days or less...!" But I already know this is artificial and only a thought or idea from the beast-brain. Heck, you've made it over 57 days last year...!

Set it and forget it, you've got this!
That's true, man. The mental game is very important and often overlooked by some porn addicts. There is all this talk about doing push-ups, doing something physical, taking cold showers etc. But if you already cross the line in your head and anticipate porn, you will relapse eventually, maybe not today, not tomorrow, but a relapse could start in the mind long before it happens. That's my thing, I'm trying to sort out my head and be ahead of the craving, even by little because if the craving gets ahead, I'm done for.

I agree that the brain functions like that, if you use to relapse around day 7 let's say, day 7 will be the day with mad urges. It happened to me 10 years ago when day 4 was my relapse day most of the time, so on day 4 it was on. Last year I went 50 days without porn, my best, but it was a first for me and I was taken by surprise by how bad I started to feel mentally. I had read about it but I guess if you don't know you won't know, if you don't see it for yourself, you don't know what it's really like. My other mistake was not to do it again, but what David Goggins says is true (Paraphrasing): When the mind moves from being uncomfortable (withdrawal) to being comfortable again (post relapse, what "you know"), it doesn't want to become uncomfortable again. The mind likes to stay in comfort by default and it wants to run away from discomfort, all those things urges and all the mental things that we experience when we try to quit are discomfort and it's easier to keep going through the cold water than to get out, get warm and comfortable because after this there is a big chance that you will not want to do it again. But it's always possible, you've done it once, you can do it again.

Thanks for support and advice.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
8 days

Mornings are the most difficult. I've said this in the past: I have this habit to edge to flashbacks and porn-induced fantasies first thing when I wake up in the morning, so when I wake up, it's on, I get massive urges.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
9 days no porn, 10 days no alcohol

There is a switch: This minute I feel more determined than ever to quit porn, the next minute I feel like I want the pleasure so bad and that the urges are signalling an awesome edging session. If I wait long enough, I might find something to send me back to the decision to quit. 1 hour later I want the pleasure so bad again.

You know, I feel like all this comes down to one word for me: Suffering. Actually three: Accepting the suffering. What do I mean by that? Urges, craving and the mental things the withdrawal gives me are suffering. It's suffering to experience urges but not act on them (forcefully denying myself the pleasure), it's suffering to experience the mental issues. There is a loop: The suffering (urges, craving, mental issues etc.), I relapse, they go away for a while, I feel "normal" (the normal I know), then the suffering again, the relapse again and the wheel keeps spinning. I'm walking in a circle, re-living the same fuckin thing. What's the name of that movie where the guy lives the same day? I live the same phase and I don't get bored of it. I don't get tired of it. I actually don't even see it. I mean, now I see it, but usually I don't.

All this is a mental game for me that when I lose it, I relapse and struggle to get back to it.

If the streak gets longer, I become "the most sexually frustrated man in the world." Noah Church has a funny (and very real) video with that title. I guess the sexual frustration comes from the fact that this is in our DNA, we are programmed to seek sex for reproduction, our genes' no. 1 job. But this society is too sexualized nowadays, everywhere you look you are reminded of sex, indirectly, through provocative images, be it pictures, advertisement or how people dress on the streets. Once I turn on the Internet, I'm at risk, once I go out the street I'm at risk, what's a guy supposed to do? Run somewhere in the woods and live like "The last of the Mohicans"? But I guess I would jerk off to flashbacks there anyway, get scared and run back to the "Concrete Jungle" because porn addiction makes you fearful.

The only way out of the loop is through "The Suffering".

Big Up! (y)
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
You got this, Escape! Ignore the urges (toward either thing) and breathe through them. Take care of something that defines who you want to be, your future non-addicted self.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Don't worry about it. Speed bump. Relax. When ready get back on the horse. You can be proud of making double digits! Not too bad.

Love the dedication we have for the reboot. We keep on falling but we also keep on rising.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I am disappointed with how I do this. I'm doing this to myself, nobody is forcing me to do it. Nobody is forcing me to keep drinking. I know drinking makes me watch porn, but I continue to do it. I've failed to embrace the suck. I choose the pleasure and the comfort zone instead of going through the suffering. Yes, hypofrontality sabotages me, yes denying myself the pleasure is pain, yes it's difficult to quit this but they are only excuses that I choose only to avoid the discomfort, stay in my comfort zone and indulge in the pleasure. Happy binging for the next 20 years for me because that's what I want. I don't want to quit porn, I just wish I could, because if I wanted, I would do it.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Look into your belief system. The way you are forming your questions gives a hint.

What belief do you have about quitting P? About yourself. Apart from mentally introspecting our beliefs. Affirmations work on changing our beliefs.

You might try some beliefs such as:

I am releasing the need for pleasure from drinking.
I am releasing the need for pleasure from P.

Make up your own. See what resonates. Look up affirmations online. Maybe you will find something that works for you.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Relapse.

Very disappointed with how I'm doing this. I am ashamed. I can't get a decent streak. When was the last time when I made it to even 2 weeks? There is no more progress. I am stuck in the familiar loop. I didn't want to return here and present again the same type of shit. I am not putting effort into this. I don't want to do whatever it takes to quit. I completely refuse it. I choose the pleasure and the comfort zone, running away from the mental suffering that this rebooting implies and I receive the punishment, it's well deserved. I enjoy the pleasure more than my life.
 
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