I need to up my game.

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey Escape, I know you mentioned once that you drink a lot of coffee. I also drank a lot of coffee in my past, and just recently got myself off of it completely. Having done so, my anxiety levels have been considerably lower than they were before. I actually thought I was just an "anxious" person, but now I see a lot of it came from caffeine!

Anyways, just a thought. Nice job on day 12.
 

Chuckles

Active Member
Hey, man, I apologize for that thing, I was angry and depressed after the relapse. Maybe it came out worse than I wanted to say it. The thing is, I was mad at myself for relapsing continously and I hated to see people keep telling me to be nice to myself. Yes, maybe this is what I should do. But anyway, the thing is, this stupid porn addiction has this talent to transform you. I am, by default, a nice, humble guy, but this fuckin addiction has me by the balls. I'm on edge. I hope you forgot about it.
I get it. Not mad.
My main point is asking you to really look at your quitting plan. Have you considered detox/rehab for the alcohol?
Not telling you how to live, just a suggestion.

Good luck on recovery!
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I get it. Not mad.
My main point is asking you to really look at your quitting plan. Have you considered detox/rehab for the alcohol?
Not telling you how to live, just a suggestion.

Good luck on recovery!
I am positive that my quitting plan could be a lot better, I've said in a recent post, I am sure I am not doing everything I should be doing to maximize the chances of success and this is something I need to change. About alcohol, yes I've considered going to AA. But I wonder whether this hasn't been a deliberate self-sabotaging thing so I could justify why I keep drinking.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Hey Escape, I know you mentioned once that you drink a lot of coffee. I also drank a lot of coffee in my past, and just recently got myself off of it completely. Having done so, my anxiety levels have been considerably lower than they were before. I actually thought I was just an "anxious" person, but now I see a lot of it came from caffeine!

Anyways, just a thought. Nice job on day 12.
Actually, I don't drink a lot. But I hear what you're saying, I guess some of my anxiety could come from caffeine too. What I know for sure is that caffeine makes my urges harder for some reason and it's led me to relapse in the past. I probably should take a break but the thing is staying away from porn, alcohol and caffeine is crazy, it's panic mode, you know what I'm saying? Of course I don't see any point in continuing to consume porn (there is really no benefit at all) and alcohol (if you can't control it and it's detrimental to your life) but quitting caffeine is the game over moment for the brain, it's like: "Come on, man, giving up everything, every guilty pleasure?" I'm not saying I'm right, it's how my brain panicks thinking about it. So long story short, I haven't stopped consuming it. I haven't stopped consuming alcohol either :( The only thing that I've stopped consuming so far is porn (for 12 days). I am positive I'm not doing all the things I should be doing.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
I probably should take a break but the thing is staying away from porn, alcohol and caffeine is crazy, it's panic mode, you know what I'm saying?
I definitely get that, just one thing at a time is a measure of success. I even feel this still, and I'll probably return to my caffeine after a month of this experiment. After I weaned myself down to only 1 shot a day, I didn't really notice any improvements so maybe that will be my new normal when I return.

In my opinion, porn is the only thing that really matters, and whatever you have to do to get that freedom, is what you should do right now. Do you look at porn on your phone? Fuck it, get rid of your smartphone and get a shity old phone for the time being. Do you do look at porn on your laptop? Fuck it, get rid of your laptop (at least temporarily) until the big urges stop, and they will! No one needs a laptop, unless you need it for work or something, then you'll need to figure that out.

You have a good streak going on Escape, so now's the time to get crazy about this. No one ever got to the top of Everest without the proper training and mindset.

I suggest you go crazy about this for the next month and take extreme measures. Extreme measures will get you some results, which I think is what you need right now.

But that's my two cents.

Best brother.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I definitely get that, just one thing at a time is a measure of success. I even feel this still, and I'll probably return to my caffeine after a month of this experiment. After I weaned myself down to only 1 shot a day, I didn't really notice any improvements so maybe that will be my new normal when I return.

In my opinion, porn is the only thing that really matters, and whatever you have to do to get that freedom, is what you should do right now. Do you look at porn on your phone? Fuck it, get rid of your smartphone and get a shity old phone for the time being. Do you do look at porn on your laptop? Fuck it, get rid of your laptop (at least temporarily) until the big urges stop, and they will! No one needs a laptop, unless you need it for work or something, then you'll need to figure that out.

You have a good streak going on Escape, so now's the time to get crazy about this. No one ever got to the top of Everest without the proper training and mindset.

I suggest you go crazy about this for the next month and take extreme measures. Extreme measures will get you some results, which I think is what you need right now.

But that's my two cents.

Best brother.
I hear what you're sayin, man. I often have this feeling too that it's a matter of "whatever it takes", at least in the initial phase, in the beginning. Sacrifices might need to be made. I guess it all comes down to how much you really want to be done with porn. It needs to be stronger than any other things that you have to sacrifice for this.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 15

Without hard urges in the past few days. I wonder if this is the calm before the storm. The beast waiting for me around the corner to strike. The thing is, when it gets very difficult, that's when it matters. "We don't rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training." I've read this quote somewhere. In all these years that most of us have spent trying to quit, have we acquired the necessary skills for this? Blondie has this excellent signature: Do we truly want to quit or are we only pretending to? After years, if we haven't made significant progress, if we are not done or hitting lengthy streaks all the time, we are not doing this right. So, how do we do it right?
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
If in the last 3 years or whatever we haven't acquired the necessary skills for quitting porn, what are we waiting for? If we are to spend the next 3 years trying, at least we need to make it matter. Or, and there is this situation too: We actually know what we have to do but spend the time not actually doing it right. We need to start moving, man!
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Why do you watch porn?

Really, what if someone who is not a porn addict asked you this. What would be your answer? "Because porn does changes to the brain.." la la la, right. Why do you watch porn? If it was only for that, tomorrow you will make the decision to quit and be done with it in a few months. So the real question is: What is the real reason why you watch porn?

1 - Porn teaches me about sex.
2 - Porn gives me ideas what to do in the bed.
3 - Porn is my antidepressant.

etc.

There is a reason why you watch porn, a real reason, of course there are "surface" reasons that might seem the problem but the problem is deeper. The first step is to identify the real reason why you watch.

My real reason: I've been a slave to self-medication and comfort all my life. I don't know why. But I've never had copying skills. My first reaction when life got hard for me (7 years old, bullied at school, first grade) was to develop a masturbation habit. That's how I knew how to fix my life and it continued. It's often difficult to discuss this with your parents, often there is a tendency to hide, to think that you are being weak for talking about it (especially men and the whole men don't bitch thing), so it was just a matter of time. I found internet porn and I started binging it to fix my inner life with external things. So be really honest, why do you watch porn? This is the first step.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
I like your thought process here Escape.

I too have used porn as a coping mechanism for a long time so as to not have to ask myself the big questions or deal with my shit. Unfortunately, this bad habit only leads to more shit, thus, a perpetually cycle of endless shit.

Keep this up, this is good.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I like your thought process here Escape.

I too have used porn as a coping mechanism for a long time so as to not have to ask myself the big questions or deal with my shit. Unfortunately, this bad habit only leads to more shit, thus, a perpetually cycle of endless shit.

Keep this up, this is good.
That's right, bro. I believe some people, for some reason, I don't know, genetics, the way their family rised them etc. I don't really know, develop this "no coping skills" thing. I am in this category. I am in this category of absolutely no coping skills. Of course, maybe I have some, here and there, but you got the idea, when life gets hard I get drunk or binge porn. That's how I do it. This is how my life was: Bullied in the first grade at school, masturbate to cope. Fast-forward a few years later: I used PMO to cope with absolutely every little small discomfort, it didn't matter how small it was, literally everything small felt like something big and the way I knew how to deal with it was PMO. And then you can have an idea where this led to.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Well I think that's true (genetics, family etc.) that we haven't learned how to develop it, but it CAN be developed. I know for myself, I have definitely learned how to improve it day by day, although it hasn't been a perfect or linear process.

Keep digging man.
 

Chuckles

Active Member
Why do you watch porn?

Really, what if someone who is not a porn addict asked you this. What would be your answer? "Because porn does changes to the brain.." la la la, right. Why do you watch porn? If it was only for that, tomorrow you will make the decision to quit and be done with it in a few months. So the real question is: What is the real reason why you watch porn?
When I was in it... at first, I was lonely, and didn't want to put the effort into getting laid. Also, I thought it would eventually make me last longer in bed. But that led to edging, then gooning, then I did it on autopilot, to escape the stresses of life. It's a hell of a drug.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Escape, I'm going to be straight up with you man, I don't think this "porn monster" is nearly as big as you make it out to be. The "power of dopamine" is as illusion and nothing more. Sure it might make you depressed for a few sleepless nights etc., but it's just a god-damn chemical that has only as much power as you give it and nothing more.

Porn has no power over you.

"Dopamine" has no power over you.

This "modern drug" has no power over you.


The only "power" they have is when we hand our God given power over to them.

Our grandfathers didn't need porn, thus, we don't need porn.

No one fucking needs porn.

It's as worthless and vacuous as the shit you and I took this morning.

Does your shit have power over you Escape?

Because my daily shit has no power over me.

Thus, I flush it along with my porn habit right down the toilet never to be seen again.

This is a digital slap on the face from a guy who really cares and has been there many years ago. Back in the day young Blondie would "try" to quit looking at porn and day after day after day he would "fail" :confused: . Always blaming it on a "porn demon" or "Satan" or "dopamine" (the scientific Satan!) instead of looking in the mirror and realizing I was full of fucking shit and excuses. God I wish someone, anyone, especially my dad, would have kindly slapped me on the face when I was acting like a such a bitch. And I wish they would have said to me, what I just wrote to you.

The power is within yourself to quit this Escape.

You have the power to make a plan and the strategies to quit once and for all.

It's as simple as that.

Do what must be done.

I wish the best for you man, I really do.

Best

Blondie
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Yes, Blondie, I know what you mean. But I believe we need a balance: Not treating porn addiction as an unbeatable monster but we can't take it too lightly either because this is when it strikes. I guess we need to take it seriously but know we can escape it easier than we think it is, or something, does it make sense?

It's funny (or not) that a lot of people report sleeping problems when they abstain from porn but with me it's often the other way around: I don't sleep well after a relapse.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 1

It's clear that what I'm doing is not enough. There is a hole inside of me that I'm trying to fill with porn and alcohol, I'm broken spiritually, I'm lost and confused, desperate, running out of patience. That's why without addressing those things, I have no chance. I need a shift in perspective. My life needs to change. Can you only abstain from porn and escape? Sure, but how many succeed like this? It's known that often people need a change when they want to quit addictions because otherwise you are sober and clean and everything is scary. How do you make your life not scary, so you don't need drugs? As Eminem said (paraphrasing): I didn't think that people could live their lives without being on something. I resonated with that because I immediately thought: How the fuck can I live my life without sedation? That's the thing. Porn is definitely a big ecstasy, in the heat of the moment I see nothing else. Then come back to reality, wtf have I done? In all these years, the more I consumed porn, the weirder I felt when the high was over. I don't know, I'm not declaring anything, I don't know where I'm going and wtf to do.
 
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