I need to up my game.

Blondie

Respected Member
I guess we need to take it seriously but know we can escape it easier than we think it is, or something, does it make sense?
Absolutely!

I didn't mean it is "easy" necessarily, but just that it is actually attainable and it does you no good to focus on all of the "external forces" instead of realizing you have the power inside yourself to quit. So yes, it's a balancing act of admitting the pull it has on us, but at the same time, knowing we CAN conquer it, if that makes sense?

I'm glad you didn't take offense at that post of mine, I thought I had possibly gone too far in my critique after I posted it. I was just trying to wake you up and shake you a little from your last relapse daze. I've been there so many times that I know how it feels and sometimes it's good to get your cage rattled a little to jolt you out of your self-pity!

Best man.
 
Last edited:

Chuckles

Active Member
So yes, it's a balancing act of admitting the pull it has on us, but at the same time, knowing we CAN conquer it, if that makes sense?
Very well put.

Escape, it sucks what you're going through. I can't say I've been in the exact same position, but I do know what it's like to be overwhelmed. With 1,000 things weighing me down, no way out in sight, and that feeling of "anything to not feel like this for just a little bit." But you know the cycle. The alcohol, porn, drugs, whatever your brand of escape is, will only make it worse.

Mix it up. Try a healthy escape. And consider therapy. I haven't met an addict, in that deep, that quit and stayed quit without it.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Absolutely!

I didn't mean it is "easy" necessarily, but just that it is actually attainable and it does you no good to focus on all of the "external forces" instead of realizing you have the power inside yourself to quit. So yes, it's a balancing act of admitting the pull it has on us, but at the same time, knowing we CAN conquer it, if that makes sense?

I'm glad you didn't take offense at that post of mine, I thought I had possibly gone too far in my critique after I posted it. I was just trying to wake you up and shake you a little from your last relapse daze. I've been there so many times that I know how it feels and sometimes it's good to get your cage rattled a little to jolt you out of your self-pity!

Best man.
I believe that "balance" is what we need. Not taking it too lightly but not hard/borderline impossible either. It's not impossible but not completely easy either. It's in between.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Very well put.

Escape, it sucks what you're going through. I can't say I've been in the exact same position, but I do know what it's like to be overwhelmed. With 1,000 things weighing me down, no way out in sight, and that feeling of "anything to not feel like this for just a little bit." But you know the cycle. The alcohol, porn, drugs, whatever your brand of escape is, will only make it worse.

Mix it up. Try a healthy escape. And consider therapy. I haven't met an addict, in that deep, that quit and stayed quit without it.
I know, man, I know what you're talking about. You've mentioned therapy. I've been thinking before writing this that maybe this is what I need, someone to look at me from a different perspective and show me the things that I don't see. I've taken into consideration going to therapy for about a second on a few different moments of my life because of ego, "man don't bitch, we're fixing the things ourselves," the whole thing, you know? And I used to say: "I'll do it by myself." But the things is, it kept going on and on and then I hit 30 years old and then something happened. I said: "Shit, man, I'm a loser at 30, I am not where I am supposed to be, I am completely mediocre, I have no friends, no girlfriend, I'm not pursuing anything from what I want to do and my dad helped me with my job." I have no real achievement until 30 years old. Or I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking this? Is this some sort of inferiority complex? Will people looking from outside agree I'm a loser for having this lifestyle? Is this too much overthinking or some truth in all this? That's the thing, I'm a lot confused and lost. Even joining a place like Reboot Nation to write such things was very difficult for me, and I'm anonymous here.

I've been following Russell Brand recently, for those who know who he is. He is 20 years sober and clean, or something like that. I related to him a lot while listening to him because I had to double check to make sure it wasn't me saying those things: Self-medication since I was a kid, this being the only thing that I know how to do, to fix my inner life with external things (this is something he said), he went to AA and, you know, some people don't like AA because they say it's a cult and/or there is too much talk about God in the 12 steps. I don't know about the former but the latter is fair point for some people because some people don't believe in God or at mad at Him, like I used to be, so I didn't want to hear anything about God 10 years ago, you couldn't have made me join AA. But Russell tried to reinvent the 12 steps, to make less about God and more about the actual changes that they could make, because as he puts it, it sounds like a good beginning at least. He says, the first 3 steps are: Recognize you have a problem, know that things could get better and seek and accept help. Paraphrasing, of course. And I think I am stuck at the first one only. I realized listening to him that I don't believe things could get better for me, I don't believe my life could get better and I don't look for help and I don't accept help (talking about the therapy you mention). I think I've been too arrogant, or too scared, or both, to admit that I can't do it by myself alone, I'm not that type. I know I need help. Self-medication is how I know how to live my life since I was a kid, addicted to porn, alcohol and Internet/little bit of offline gaming. My life is a mess and I think I'm obsessed with the fact that I'm 31. Had I been 20, I would've probably said: "There is time" or "Maybe this is normal, I'm only 20, figuring life out," but once I hit 30: "Oh...My...God..."
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
And I'm an addict in my mind, I'm addicted to the constant need to try to feel the hole in my soul with drugs. Porn and alcohol, and Internet/gaming just happened to be the things I bumped into because, and thank God, had I found drugs, I would've been a junkie by now. I'm a junkie inside, that's the thing, I don't know how to fix my inner world so I'm constantly trying to fix it with external things, be it porn, alcohol, attention, approval etc. It's a mentality
 

96LostWanderer

Active Member
I’ve been attending SAA meetings for around 7 or 8 months now and I still haven’t achieved anything like permanent sobriety. To be honest I don’t know if SAA is helping me or not. 12 step groups preach the idea that we must focus on the ways we are powerless and try to hand power over our addiction to a Higher Power (e.g. God or something outside of ourselves). But although I often feel powerless over my addiction, I’m not sure if drilling it into my mind is beneficial. When I think to the better streaks I’ve had avoiding porn, it’s been the times I’ve had more confidence in my ability to behave differently. I believe it came down to me, not any Higher Power. When I succeed, it’s on me, and when I fail, it’s also on me. That doesn’t mean I need to beat myself up - that isn’t helpful at all - but it means I need to accept my wrongs and errors and try to find ways of fixing them.

I’d still recommend trying out SAA meetings if you haven’t already. The regular connection with other people who are addicted can be helpful, regardless of how you feel about the ideology/teachings. You probably need to go to at least 5 or 6 meetings before you decide whether to continue. I’ve been to probably 30 meetings and still I’m sat on the fence.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Complete abstinence has never been something I even wanted to consider. I considered "little bit of abstinence" but never going forever without alcohol and porn. That's the thing.
Yes I think this is a big deal Escape, which is why I have it as my tagline. You have to make that initial decision to quit and be okay with the fact of never seeing porn again. That is a big part of success in anything, especially quitting something as toxic and "thrilling" as porn.

And yes, Russel Brand's book is really good. I should probably read that again - thanks for the reminder!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
I’ve been attending SAA meetings for around 7 or 8 months now and I still haven’t achieved anything like permanent sobriety. To be honest I don’t know if SAA is helping me or not. 12 step groups preach the idea that we must focus on the ways we are powerless and try to hand power over our addiction to a Higher Power (e.g. God or something outside of ourselves). But although I often feel powerless over my addiction, I’m not sure if drilling it into my mind is beneficial. When I think to the better streaks I’ve had avoiding porn, it’s been the times I’ve had more confidence in my ability to behave differently. I believe it came down to me, not any Higher Power. When I succeed, it’s on me, and when I fail, it’s also on me. That doesn’t mean I need to beat myself up - that isn’t helpful at all - but it means I need to accept my wrongs and errors and try to find ways of fixing them.

I’d still recommend trying out SAA meetings if you haven’t already. The regular connection with other people who are addicted can be helpful, regardless of how you feel about the ideology/teachings. You probably need to go to at least 5 or 6 meetings before you decide whether to continue. I’ve been to probably 30 meetings and still I’m sat on the fence.
Yes I agree foolheartedly. Relying on a higher power has never worked for me, also I might add, bashing myself also didn't work!

However, making that decision to actually quit and be okay with never looking again, now that gives me a source of power. Hell, I feel it just writing this right now. Even this morning I had a flashback about one of "my girls" online, and I told myself, no, never again is that okay to look at that shit. I instantly felt both pissed and happy at the same time by the power of my decision.

We all have the power to quit, but we have to believe it.
 
Last edited:

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I’ve been attending SAA meetings for around 7 or 8 months now and I still haven’t achieved anything like permanent sobriety. To be honest I don’t know if SAA is helping me or not. 12 step groups preach the idea that we must focus on the ways we are powerless and try to hand power over our addiction to a Higher Power (e.g. God or something outside of ourselves). But although I often feel powerless over my addiction, I’m not sure if drilling it into my mind is beneficial. When I think to the better streaks I’ve had avoiding porn, it’s been the times I’ve had more confidence in my ability to behave differently. I believe it came down to me, not any Higher Power. When I succeed, it’s on me, and when I fail, it’s also on me. That doesn’t mean I need to beat myself up - that isn’t helpful at all - but it means I need to accept my wrongs and errors and try to find ways of fixing them.

I’d still recommend trying out SAA meetings if you haven’t already. The regular connection with other people who are addicted can be helpful, regardless of how you feel about the ideology/teachings. You probably need to go to at least 5 or 6 meetings before you decide whether to continue. I’ve been to probably 30 meetings and still I’m sat on the fence.
Yes, I understand, hence why I like how Russell Brand is addressing the 12 steps from AA, without too much focus on Higher Power. A shift in perspective, a life change, spiritual change or whatever needs to happen, abstinence sounds good but it's hardly sustained by the same mentality/spiritual life/lifestyle etc.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Yes I agree fool heartedly. Relying on a higher power has never worked for me, also I might add, bashing myself also didn't work!

However, making that decision to actually quit and be okay with never looking again, now that gives me a source of power. Hell, I feel it just writing this right now. Even this morning I had a flashback about one of "my girls" online, and I told myself, no, never again is that okay to look at that shit. I instantly felt both pissed and happy at the same time by the power of my decision.

We all have the power to quit, but we have to believe it.
Definitely. Yes.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Yes I think this is a big deal Escape, which is why I have it as my tagline. You have to make that initial decision to quit and be okay with the fact of never seeing porn again. That is a big part of success in anything, especially quitting something as toxic and "thrilling" as porn.

And yes, Russel Brand's book is really good. I should probably read that again - thanks for the reminder!
Yes, telling yourself: "From today on I have to quit porn forever." can feel very scary. I think most of us have a problem with this, we can't imagine a life without the ecstasy and the sedation. I knew for sure that what I wanted, deep inside, was to "abstain a little bit" not to go forever without porn, I knew deep inside I would eventually return to it. Alcohol, the same thing.
 

Chuckles

Active Member
I know, man, I know what you're talking about. You've mentioned therapy. I've been thinking before writing this that maybe this is what I need, someone to look at me from a different perspective and show me the things that I don't see. I've taken into consideration going to therapy for about a second on a few different moments of my life because of ego, "man don't bitch, we're fixing the things ourselves," the whole thing, you know? And I used to say: "I'll do it by myself." But the things is, it kept going on and on and then I hit 30 years old and then something happened. I said: "Shit, man, I'm a loser at 30, I am not where I am supposed to be, I am completely mediocre, I have no friends, no girlfriend, I'm not pursuing anything from what I want to do and my dad helped me with my job." I have no real achievement until 30 years old. Or I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking this? Is this some sort of inferiority complex? Will people looking from outside agree I'm a loser for having this lifestyle? Is this too much overthinking or some truth in all this? That's the thing, I'm a lot confused and lost. Even joining a place like Reboot Nation to write such things was very difficult for me, and I'm anonymous here.

I've been following Russell Brand recently, for those who know who he is. He is 20 years sober and clean, or something like that. I related to him a lot while listening to him because I had to double check to make sure it wasn't me saying those things: Self-medication since I was a kid, this being the only thing that I know how to do, to fix my inner life with external things (this is something he said), he went to AA and, you know, some people don't like AA because they say it's a cult and/or there is too much talk about God in the 12 steps. I don't know about the former but the latter is fair point for some people because some people don't believe in God or at mad at Him, like I used to be, so I didn't want to hear anything about God 10 years ago, you couldn't have made me join AA. But Russell tried to reinvent the 12 steps, to make less about God and more about the actual changes that they could make, because as he puts it, it sounds like a good beginning at least. He says, the first 3 steps are: Recognize you have a problem, know that things could get better and seek and accept help. Paraphrasing, of course. And I think I am stuck at the first one only. I realized listening to him that I don't believe things could get better for me, I don't believe my life could get better and I don't look for help and I don't accept help (talking about the therapy you mention). I think I've been too arrogant, or too scared, or both, to admit that I can't do it by myself alone, I'm not that type. I know I need help. Self-medication is how I know how to live my life since I was a kid, addicted to porn, alcohol and Internet/little bit of offline gaming. My life is a mess and I think I'm obsessed with the fact that I'm 31. Had I been 20, I would've probably said: "There is time" or "Maybe this is normal, I'm only 20, figuring life out," but once I hit 30: "Oh...My...God..."
Damn dude. I can relate to so much of this. I felt the same way at 30, and again at 34. Broke, unemployed, single, and with no prospects. A family member gave me a job.
One celebrity that motivated me was Terry Crews. IDK if you've seen his youtube series, but he overcame porn addiction too. He's a fucking legend; you have to see it if you haven't.

I've never been big on AA because of that give it to God mentality. I think these days they phrase it as "Something Bigger," but still, not for me. But you do have to acknowledge that you can't do it alone, which it looks like you're starting to do.

I've made so much progress these past couple years though. Not just with addiction, but with generally getting my shit together. I still backslide. I don't always give myself the credit I know I deserve, but I'm going. I get up and I get moving again, and again, and again. I've decided that I'm worth it. No one else is going to give me the money or body or lifestyle or confidence I want. I have to do it myself. But at the same point no man is an island, and we all need to lean on people. I guess it's about balance.

I don't know if you feel like you can't fully abstain because you think you're not capable, or you don't think you need to. But you can, and you need to. You need to. It doesn't need to be for a lifetime. My dad was a borderline alcoholic, and managed to get to a healthy relationship with alcohol. But between those times was completely stopping, and a lot of work on himself. I can still smoke one or two cigarettes every now and then, but before I got there in spent a fortune on nicotine patches and a long time irritable as fuck with a voice that sounded like a nightmare.

I know you don't want to hear it, but I'm going to say it again: I see you beating yourself up. And you shouldn't. Or at least not too much. Don't give yourself license to just keep backsliding, but also don't call yourself a loser, or mediocre, or any of that. You're human, you're flawed.

You have the courage to do one of the scariest fucking things a man can do: really look at yourself. There are good therapists, and there are talent less hacks. A good one will see you emotionally naked, give you an honest assessment without judgement, and show you the path to improvement. I hope you find one.

I'm not in your shoes, but if I were... The alcoholism can physically kill you, and if it doesn't kill you it will certainly ruin your body and wallet. Focus on that. Yes you for sure need to stop PMO, and quitting alcohol will make that harder. But if you absolutely cannot do both at the same time, I say get rid of the alcohol first. But I'm just a stranger on the internet, and it's your call in the end.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
@Chuckles

Terry Crews addicted to porn demonstrates once again what Gabe Deem used to say: Not only self-medicating people become addicted to porn. It can trap anyone. If it can trap a dude like Terry Crews, former NFL player, a big, strong guy, it can trap anyone. It can trap the most popular guy in high school, captain of the basketball team who dates cheerleaders and it can trap that nerd dude bullied who no girl looks at, at the same high school.

I know what you're saying about AA. 10 years ago I wouldn't have wanted to go either, even if someone had forced me, for the same reason: From the 12 steps, at least half of them discuss God. I was never an atheist, I was never at the point where I never believed in the existence of a Higher Power, but I was mad at God, as a Christian, for my shit life, blaming Him for it. My return to spirituality has happened gradually, not all of a sudden, as I understood that I got myself into this mess and nobody comes to save me, I need to get myself out. Not even God should save me, He could just offer help but the hard work needs to be done by me.

Regarding the 12 steps, that's why I like Russell Brand's attempt to reinterpret them in a way that look like steps to follow, without the God parts, because like this some people don't want to try them, they don't believe in God, are mad at Him or simple don't like the idea of surrendering their lives to a Higher Power. Russell says the first 3 steps are: Recognize you have a problem, understand that the problem can go away and your life can change and get better and seek and accept help. Nothing negative to say against this. But I'm stuck at number 1. I know I have a problem, but I don't believe my life can change in good and that the addictions can go away and I don't accept help. Like this, I can't progress at all. I am stuck in: "I am an addict, I know this, but I'll die an addict." Some people go to AA cause they are desperate. I am not a full blown, vodka next to the bed alcoholic, but I'll probably get there in the next 10 years. I took into consideration going to AA but then I said: "Nah, man, I'll do it myself. I don't want to go through all the bother, I don't need someone to tell me what to do, I know what to do." Ego is a big thing. It can sabotage you a lot. And I feel I'm too proud to look for help. It could be AA, it could be therapy, Church, whatever. If for 10 years you've been trying to "do it by yourself" and it didn't work, maybe you don't know how to do it by yourself and you need guidance from other people. Of course, if you find them, but you never know unless you search for them.

You said you're dad was an alcoholic. It's crazy how this works. I have 2 family members (an uncle and my dad's father) who died alcoholics. But I didn't learn. I think I was so broken inside that I was meant to get addicted to something, I was actively searching for medicine. For years and years I was not aware of it. I used to say: "They became alcoholics because they drank every day, and vodka, I drink once in a while, not vodka, so I'm good to go, I can never become an addict." Remind me of this now where I can't go a week without craving something to drink. My dad once told me: "You're starting to drink just like your grandfather and uncle." And the same voice sounded in my head: "They drank every day, and vodka, I don't drink every day, wtf are you talking about?" But I got into drinking later, I was in my last year of high school, trying to medicate the direct effects of my porn addiction (social anxiety and the resulting depression). I was also stressed out because the exam was coming and I couldn't study, I was too depressed and I had concentration and memorization problems because of all the PMO binging. I had no energy and no mood to study for that shit exam. All I wanted was to be left alone with my PMO and my drinking.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Binge

Porno is numero uno. The best antidepressant when I have nothing else. The best heroin when I have no heroin. I can't stop PMO because I have nothing. I only have PMO. And all the alcohol in the world because nobody forbids me to buy it.
 
Terry Crews addicted to porn demonstrates once again what Gabe Deem used to say: Not only self-medicating people become addicted to porn. It can trap anyone. If it can trap a dude like Terry Crews, former NFL player, a big, strong guy, it can trap anyone. It can trap the most popular guy in high school, captain of the basketball team who dates cheerleaders and it can trap that nerd dude bullied who no girl looks at, at the same high school.
Yeah 100% true
Just a few celebrities etc. that have been addicted to porn: Chris Rock, Russell Brand (who you mentioned), Kanye West, David Duchovny, (probably) John Mayer

These are all rich, famous, good looking guys who I'm sure have no problem meeting real women but they all struggled with internet porn
Just shows how powerful it is and how anyone can fall into the trap
 
Top