Rock on Escape!
The 12 steps program is controversial. Some people don't want to hear about it because half of the steps discuss God. Some don't think it works at all. Some have found some statistics of how many 12 steps attendees are still sober to this day (I don't know the statistics but I'm curious), some believe in God but don't want to "hand their lives to Him", whatever that means for them. But then I found Russell Brand and his reinterpretation of the 12 steps and the way he puts it cannot be anything negative, the program has definitely some good things in it: Admit you have a problem, believe the problem can go away and you can lead a good life without the addiction, seek and accept help, make a moral inventory of yourself, share it with someone you trust, be careful about the patterns that the moral inventory reveals etc. I mean, nothing wrong with those, those are valid, good steps, even for a beginning. He swears on them saying that he's been sober and clean for 20 years following this. But the point I'm trying to make is the 3rd step: Seek and accept help. That's right, I don't feel like I can do this on my own and I've been trying, believe me. I've asked my parents for support and my dad told me: "It's not me who leads you to the store to buy alcohol." They are definitely people who don't know how to help me, they are not former addicts, they are not counselors, they are not people from AA, I shouldn't expect from them more than a pat on the back saying "Good job son, you're doing great. We won't drink around you." I definitely need some proper help, not just with the alcohol but this is the bigger problem in my life right now, and I thought it was porn. The thing is, I can find ways to go on with a porn streak, for some reason I can't stay sober more than a few days...Yeah why not try it - can always quit if it turns out it's not for you - nothing to lose
I'm thinking about going to AA. If this attempted sobriety streak this time doesn't show results, I will go for sure.Hang in there, Escape! You're doing great to keep coming back here and checking in. You've shown such an incredible amount of perseverance!
I think particularly is right, why not try AA? No harm giving it a shot. No matter how the method does or doesn't work for you, it could be good for you to connect with others in a similar spot.
Maybe you're right man.You know, we are often better at seeing other people's lives in perspective and can give them very helpful and insightful advice even if we don't manage to follow it ourselves. So don't say your support means nothing to anyone because you are not able to follow it at times. The fact that you have these insights means you have tools to put to your disposal to help yourself. And sometimes the best way to get on the path of self-healing is to give of yourself to others. Don't give up! There is hope for you and for all of us!
I don't know how I'm doing better than you but I'm admitting that I'm a mess. Something needs to change otherwise I'll fuckin go crazy. I can't stand me being me anymore. A transformation needs to happen.You still have a right to live and contribute to discussions and have relationships with people while you're in the midst of fighting your addictions. It's not like you're a worthless person until the moment you finally are once and for all 100% over your addictions. You'll always be fighting this motherfucker. It sucks. I hate it, it makes me feel like a broken person. I was watching some show the other day where someone said being an addict is like being a pickle, you'll never go back to being a cucumber. That makes me fucking depressed if it's true. But it is what it is. It doesn't stop you from having worth, and it doesn't mean you don't have a right to share advice and experiences and everything else. It's not like only non-addicts are good people.
Idk. It's hard, man. You're fighting two very serious and very real addictions. We're all here because we all know what it's like, at least to some extent. Fighting it is hard, and it doesn't feel like a glorious, heroic fight. It feels like "how many hours and seconds can I hold off from being a piece of shit again." I have to think it gets better. We're in this together.
For what it's worth, you're doing better than I am.