I need to up my game.

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I've been feeling pretty miserable in the last 4 days.
The last 4 evenings I should say. For some reason, I'm fine during the day but when the evening comes, I enter a fuckin deep depressive episode. I don't understand why the evening. Maybe it's how my brain works. I used to have those massive depressive episodes in the evening when I was about 19. Maybe it is because I can't "medicate" myself anymore with porn and getting drunk. Staying away from two addictions at once is very difficult.
 

yogi

Active Member
The last 4 evenings I should say. For some reason, I'm fine during the day but when the evening comes, I enter a fuckin deep depressive episode. I don't understand why the evening. Maybe it's how my brain works. I used to have those massive depressive episodes in the evening when I was about 19. Maybe it is because I can't "medicate" myself anymore with porn and getting drunk. Staying away from two addictions at once is very difficult.
Very likely to be withdrawal symptoms Escape.

I too get intermittent headaches in the evening whenever I am rebooting (as I do now). When I used to watch porn, I never used to have such headaches. Then they subside in some time.

Stay strong. Try meditation/ deep breathing exercises during that episode. Might make a difference.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Very likely to be withdrawal symptoms Escape.

I too get intermittent headaches in the evening whenever I am rebooting (as I do now). When I used to watch porn, I never used to have such headaches. Then they subside in some time.

Stay strong. Try meditation/ deep breathing exercises during that episode. Might make a difference.
Thanks, man. I appreciate the support and advice.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 40

40 days without looking at porn, man! 40 fuckin days, can I believe this? Of course I can because I know exactly why it happened. 40 days ago I was desperate, borderline fuckin suicidal and stuff. I didn't know why it didn't work. Only to realize a couple of hours later that the solution was right in front of me. You know, I believe this is a personal thing, a personal journey, we need to find the tools inside us. How can we deal with urges? How can we deal with flashbacks? How can we deal with all the mental nightmare that this can put us through? I believe everyone has the tools inside but they are buried in there because they have never been needed. Now it's time to get them out like John Wick. We break the floor and take the guns out. And then it will start working. Don't try to rely on motivation alone. Motivation comes and goes. You can pump yourself up and then this goes away 1 week later and you relapse. We need to be driven.

This is a definition of driven:

(of a person) relentlessly compelled by the need to accomplish a goal; very hard-working and ambitious.

That's right. We need to be that guy who is crazy about quitting porn. "No, man, I'm doing everything it takes to quit porn, absolutely everything it takes!"
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Awesome post, Escape! Congrats on day 40, certainly a milestone in your continuing victory!

John Wick, lol... Yes, you remind me of John Wick coming at this thing, both guns blazing! You continue to be an inspiration and a clarion call to up our game, and give this thing twice the hell it's given us in our lives.

Let's do this!
 
Day 40

40 days without looking at porn, man! 40 fuckin days, can I believe this? Of course I can because I know exactly why it happened. 40 days ago I was desperate, borderline fuckin suicidal and stuff. I didn't know why it didn't work. Only to realize a couple of hours later that the solution was right in front of me. You know, I believe this is a personal thing, a personal journey, we need to find the tools inside us. How can we deal with urges? How can we deal with flashbacks? How can we deal with all the mental nightmare that this can put us through? I believe everyone has the tools inside but they are buried in there because they have never been needed. Now it's time to get them out like John Wick. We break the floor and take the guns out. And then it will start working. Don't try to rely on motivation alone. Motivation comes and goes. You can pump yourself up and then this goes away 1 week later and you relapse. We need to be driven.

This is a definition of driven:

(of a person) relentlessly compelled by the need to accomplish a goal; very hard-working and ambitious.

That's right. We need to be that guy who is crazy about quitting porn. "No, man, I'm doing everything it takes to quit porn, absolutely everything it takes!"
Awesome post brother and congrats on 40 days. You really hit it on the head with your thoughts on finding the tools within us. Keep fighting brother you are a fucking warrior!
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Awesome post, Escape! Congrats on day 40, certainly a milestone in your continuing victory!

John Wick, lol... Yes, you remind me of John Wick coming at this thing, both guns blazing! You continue to be an inspiration and a clarion call to up our game, and give this thing twice the hell it's given us in our lives.

Let's do this!
:D Thanks, man.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
One more day until 6 weeks without watching porn. I'm not in hard mode anymore but it was not my goal to stay in hard mode. My goal is to never watch porn and to never masturbate thinking about porn. It's been done so far.

But, today is not a good day. I barely slept last night (maybe 1-2 hours total) and I feel pretty sick. The fact that I have a cold surely doesn't help either. Being tired, I could feel how porn tried to push its way into my day. It's the same old bullshit, PMO because I'm tired and looking for comfort type of thing. But I'm at the point where I can see it coming, it's a matter of embracing the suck now.
 
One more day until 6 weeks without watching porn. I'm not in hard mode anymore but it was not my goal to stay in hard mode. My goal is to never watch porn and to never masturbate thinking about porn. It's been done so far.

But, today is not a good day. I barely slept last night (maybe 1-2 hours total) and I feel pretty sick. The fact that I have a cold surely doesn't help either. Being tired, I could feel how porn tried to push its way into my day. It's the same old bullshit, PMO because I'm tired and looking for comfort type of thing. But I'm at the point where I can see it coming, it's a matter of embracing the suck now.
Sorry to hear you are struggling and not feeling well on top of that. I hope you can stay strong embrace the suck and let it pass. Keep fighting and congrats on you success so far. Keep in mind porn may give you temporary comfort but remembering how it has hurt you long terms has been helping me with my urges. I hope you are feeling better soon bro keep fighting!
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Day 42

Today I have 6 weeks without deliberately looking at porn. I'm still tempted every day.

You're welcome, Escape. What does this temptation look like? Is it urges that come on a daily basis? Have they changed in intensity? Does it feel like you're relying on sheer will-power?

It's all just the lower-brain trying to get it's fix. But I hope you can- yes, keep vigilant, keep that sharp edge, but kind of relax into your recovery. Trust the process, trust the science of habit-change.

The fact is, that for 6 weeks you've not given in to the urges, that has got to affect the habit itself. Are there other things that can be changed that surround the times or circumstances of these daily temptations? I ask, because the urges have to first be 'cued' or 'triggered'. If you know what cues these urges, you can kind of just observe them from a nonjudgmental and relaxed place, as you breathe through and dismiss the urges.

I admire your focus and determination, and that permanent change will be your reward.
 
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Maglue

Active Member
Anxiety is higher than when I was binging porn. Shit. 18 days complete starvation. Quitting porn and drinking at the same time surely is hard.

Dude that's nothing lol...I'm day 5 off junk food binging, gambling, alcohol, and PMO ...

I'm also 12.5 weeks off smoking green now..

I'm on the right path
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
You're welcome, Escape. What does this temptation look like? Is it urges that come on a daily basis? Have they changed in intensity? Does it feel like you're relying on sheer will-power?

It's all just the lower-brain trying to get it's fix. But I hope you can- yes, keep vigilant, keep that sharp edge, but kind of relax into your recovery. Trust the process, trust the science of habit-change.

The fact is, that for 6 weeks you've not given in to the urges, that has got to affect the habit itself. Are there other things that can be changed that surround the times or circumstances of these daily temptations? I ask, because the urges have to first be 'cued' or 'triggered'. If you know what cues these urges, you can kind of just observe them from a nonjudgmental and relaxed place, as you breathe through and dismiss the urges.

I admire your focus and determination, and that permanent change will be your reward.
Thanks, man.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Embrace the suck! It is what it is, it's inavitable, the urges are inevitable, the discomfort is inevitable. The only thing that heals this is time. But you see, this addiction works with "instant gratification", we "can't wait", we want things "now". Porn gives us the fake pleasure "now". Therefore, waiting until the withdrawal is gone seems a burden. It is not a "now" thing. But we need to re-train our brain to understand that many things in life take time. It's not an overnight thing, it's one day at a time, hour by hour. We need patience and breaking the things into smaller parts. "Months of suck" sound overwhelming but we can tolerate the very moment in front of our eyes. We need to be present with our discomfort and that's how we grow.
 
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