I need to up my game.

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

I wish a factory reset was available for the mind and then we all would jump on it and sign up for it . Unfortunately the only option we all have is
This -

“To abstain over a long period of time and help our mind loose its obsession gradually over P thought patterns”

we could use tools available to help our minds stay calm and focused and happy:
I believe mind and it’s thought patterns are driven by

1. Our Past
2. Our environment
3. Our influencers
4. Our beliefs and perceptions

1. past - cannot change it so forget it
2. Environment- we can set it up to support sober life
3. Influencers - we can listen to them/read their books/talk to them to help us stay motivated and inspired
4. Beliefs and perceptions- this we can change by deliberations such as thinking “yes it is possible” , “I won’t die if I don’t see P” , “this is coming but it will pass” and not thinking like “shit the ultimate pleasure of life is knocking again, I have no choice but to embrace it with my whole heart ” etc

What do you all think ?
Am I missing something ? write your thoughts Thanks
GeminiMan

I know, man. That's how it is.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Day 0

Binge. How many times? 20? Who fuckin counted?

 

[Dungalef]

Hey Escape, haven't heard from you in a while... how's it going?

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Hey Escape, haven't heard from you in a while... how's it going?

Hey, man, thanks for asking. Things could be definitely better but they are better already than some days ago.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Day 11

As of late I have 11 days hard mode and 12 days without alcohol but it sucks big time. I feel a little better mentally, lower anxiety, a little more positivity but the craving for pleasure is a pain, especially the craving for alcohol, I have moments when I crave a drink like crazy. I'm missing the madness of getting drunk and not giving a fuck about anything.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

But I'm also fuckin tired of getting drunk and embarrassing myself, man. I feel like I'm living a Requiem for a dream script where it starts being fun and then it turns into madness. I guess by being an addict one day the negatives outweigh the "positives" and I put that in quotes because the positives we're talking about are... what? Pleasure? Sedation? But in the beginning you do like them and you do thing you're found the ultimate solution to the hole in your soul until you start causing problems around you and embarrassing yourself. Alcohol is one of the most dangerous "drugs".

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

But that being said, I still crave it like crazy, it's too early, of course I crave it.

 

[Dungalef]

Good to hear from you, and way to go on nearly 2 weeks! That takes a lot of grit and determination, especially when the journey has had so many setbacks.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Good to hear from you, and way to go on nearly 2 weeks! That takes a lot of grit and determination, especially when the journey has had so many setbacks.

God damn, man, after all the relapses this month... This month was crazy. I can't believe I haven't relapsed in more than 10 days. But I crave alcohol, man, and if I get drunk, I will binge porn for sure.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Day 12

Massive craving for porn and alcohol. Today is the most difficult day urges-wise so far.

Last night I had an alcohol drink. I was going to the store to buy alcohol but I realized I didn't have the wallet with me.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

On June 5 I wrote "Day 15" here. I relapsed and I haven't been able to reach it since. It's ridiculous how long it takes me to replicate longer streaks. Today is my 12th day and I wrote Day 12 here last time during that streak, more than 1 month ago. This is something that bothers me very much. Those streaks seem accidental and one small wrong step could fuck everything up. Not to forget to mention "longer streaks", stuff like even 3 weeks, I don't even remember when I had a 3 weeks streak last time. 1 month? Yeah, try to find it between those pages... I struggle to get to even 2 weeks. So far staying away from alcohol has been a keep point but it's tightrope with this alcohol thing, I've been craving it more than porn recently.

But I'm tired of both.

Porn has increased my neuroticism level too much. This is what Wikipedia says about Neuroticism:

"individuals with high scores for neuroticism are more likely than average to be moody and to experience such feelings as anxiety, worry, fear, anger, frustration, envy, jealousy, guilt, depressed mood, and loneliness. Such people are thought to respond worse to stressors and are more likely to interpret ordinary situations, such as minor frustrations, as appearing hopelessly difficult. They are described as often being self-conscious and shy, and tending to have trouble controlling urges and delaying gratification.

Neuroticism is a trait in many models within personality theory. It is sometimes defined as a tendency for quick arousal when stimulated and slow relaxation from arousal, especially with regard to negative emotional arousal. Another definition focuses on emotional instability and negativity or maladjustment, in contrast to emotional stability and positivity, or good adjustment. It has also been defined in terms of lack of self-control, poor ability to manage psychological stress, and a tendency to complain."

Since I got addicted to porn and I started binging it, this^ is how I could describe myself. How do I know? I know because when I abstain from porn, it goes down.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

How I feel seems to fluctuate. I felt great for a couple of days but today I feel like shit. I'm depressed and tired. Anxiety is higher. It's known that the addicted brain uses every little thing to obtain the drug. In moments like today, it likes to tell me: "See? You give nofap too much credit, it's not working, you feel like shit, shut up and access some porn to stabilize yourself from those swings."

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Massive urges man I can see the pattern coming, the certainty of pleasure.

 

[Blondie]

It's not pleasure, you know it's not. It's pain and breaking your heart. Not pleasure.

Stay strong man.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

It's not pleasure, you know it's not. It's pain and breaking your heart. Not pleasure.

Stay strong man.

I know, man, you're right.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

I know pleasure is one click away. The edging is right there. The certainty of pleasure, man. Do I care about my life? I do but not when pleasure is right in front of me. Fuck.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

I feel the walls closing in, man. I'm getting closer to a relapse. Fuck, I don't want this.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Day 13

13 days without porn and 2 weeks without alcohol but I don't feel too good, man. I'm depressed, anxiety is higher and I don't get excited about anything, achievements make me feel nothing.

 

[GeminiMan]

Day 11

As of late I have 11 days hard mode and 12 days without alcohol but it sucks big time. I feel a little better mentally, lower anxiety, a little more positivity but the craving for pleasure is a pain, especially the craving for alcohol, I have moments when I crave a drink like crazy. I'm missing the madness of getting drunk and not giving a fuck about anything.

Hang on there @Escapeandnevercomeback . You’re about to feel better and better .

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Hang on there @Escapeandnevercomeback . You’re about to feel better and better .

I'll try, man.