The way my cycle works is something like this: I binge, feel like a wreck and if I manage to abstain long enough, past 10 days, I start feeling better but it fluctuates, it's not constant. But anyway, where 10 days back I felt like shit, now after those 10 days I have hours where I feel better. But this is when I start feeling deprived of pleasure, I get frustrated, "Where is my sex life?" and then I relapse. And this is when I don't get drunk. Usually, I relapse earlier because of drinking, this is the scenario where I don't drink. I don't know how to keep going despise the frustration with staying away from my pleasure. Alright, I haven't relapsed yet but I'm walking a tightrope, I've been doing it since yesterday, one wrong step (a little peek, a little edging etc.) and I fall the fuck down.