Thanks, man.Hey, Escape. Here’s a couple of links to learn more about mindfulness and urges...
Understanding how this addiction works is very important. Porn is a "button" we push to have a dopamine release. This dopamine release is what we love so much. It feels too great. Without this dopamine release, porn would not be interesting at all.Hello guys does mindfulness could help you with preventing to M? I realized that when I hit the 60 day streak without PMO, I had my libido up and this girl made a sexy video call and although I did not finish. This made go from the to porn cause I could not stop about realieasing all the sexual energy built up. Just wondering could I prevent that ( I know that I could have stopped the video call but I want to know once you start how I can stop) and think this also will apply for O’ing since I have never been able to have sex without O’ing.please help
Hello guys does mindfulness could help you with preventing to M? I realized that when I hit the 60 day streak without PMO, I had my libido up and this girl made a sexy video call and although I did not finish. This made go from the to porn cause I could not stop about realieasing all the sexual energy built up. Just wondering could I prevent that ( I know that I could have stopped the video call but I want to know once you start how I can stop) and think this also will apply for O’ing since I have never been able to have sex without O’ing.please help
I started with 3 rules (Mistakes management, fantasies management, embrace the suck) and it produced results right away.
Hey, man. Thanks for advice. After I PMO, I definitely crave alcohol like crazy because PMO makes me crave more dopamine or gets my dopamine low or something. When I'm drunk, I lose the fear, I lose that thing that keeps me vigilant. Alcohol makes me feel like I can handle everything that follows. Often, while being drunk and ready to access porn, I tell myself: "Okay, so now you are 1 second away from going to porn but you know what this means, right? All the depression, regret, lethargy etc." But I say: "Nah, man, I can handle it real well." Last time, I binged like 7 PMOs or something and I remember lying in the bed to go to sleep and feeling no remorse about it. Then I woke up next morning and really realized what I'd done. "You just lost 50 days you fuckin idiot!" I would've done anything to go back. I knew it was going to be hard to keep going right away, as it often happens, I never got longer streaks back to back. After 2 days, I binged again....Hey, Escape.
I understood well all you say above.
One reason that lapsing to drinking and to PMO seem to follow each other may be that your brain identifies them as the same habit, that it gets its dopamine hits from both behaviors, and so one reminds you of the other.
Be careful here how you identify yourself: "...being an alcoholic and a porn addict"- yes, we may have an addiction, we may then say, I'm an addict, but that seems to only solidify a certain view of ourselves in our own mind, and hence set ourselves up for failure. This isn't going to be your story forever, you will overcome this and be the person you know you are deep down inside.
I would say, too, that the reason why the urges seem so unrelenting and strong isn't a matter of having libido versus being in flatline, but that on some level you were feeding the urges. True, this may not have been by peeking, or compromising your plan, but by the way you fought the urges engaged the same neural pathways and kept them sensitized.
For me, I don't usually have a flatline either- or, whether in a flatline or with high libido, I view urges the same. If they come because I saw something that cued me, or maybe a young lady smiled at me, I dismiss it. Sometimes a little extra is needed, like if I really got 'triggered', I'll check my pulserate- yep, it's elevated. I'll be mindful about my breathing- yep, it's shallow. And I'll kind of just take 3-5 deep breaths in through the nostrils (slow and deep), and then out through the mouth nice and slow. Then I'll check my pulse again, and yep- it's slowed down, and I don't even feel obsessive any more, and the urge has passed. If it comes back, I'll repeat.
The good news about mindfulness, Escape, is that it can be applied to any and all addictions, substance or behavioral: porn, masturbation, alcohol, and also anxiety.
You'll have a 'one-stop-shop' for all the things that you wish to change. When you begin to see that all the unwanted behaviors are handled the same way, and by simply becoming mindful, you'll begin to see that all our addictions are really thought-based and brain-based, but that you're in control, and not the habit.