Day 6
I'm tired of restarting and feeling like I'm always heading towards the inevitable relapse. In December it will be 3 years of Reboot Nation, I've caught both versions of the website and I'm still buried deep in this addiction. What should I do to escape, I don't know. Sometimes it feels like I know what I have to do but I don't know what I'm missing. After PMO and edging binges I usually enter what I like to call "mini flatline". This is a period of time where you feel the symtoms of flatline: lethargy, no libido, anxiety, depression, shit concentration, poor sleep and stuff like that. I've been experiencing this for 6 days already and I don't like it at all. You know, without being free from this addiction, I am never in balance, I'm all the time in one of those 2 states: mini flatline or craving + urges. Both suck big time and I'm tired, I'm exhausted mentally, having to take care of my job doesn't help when I'm battling this and I can't afford to lose my job, I won't find a better paid one because I was lucky to get this one, it's not what I usually get. So, of course this is a pressure for me, to do well enough at work so I can keep it while not having much space in my head because of this addiction, actually I have 2 addictions that I have to deal with. 2 addictions plus the job plus the fact that I need to study a lot to be good at work. Sometimes I feel like I want to get a sick leave and spend some long time in a monastery or something, some temple or whatever, and I'm not even kidding, I feel like I need some peace and quiet and some good spiritual influence, away from all this fuckin busy, crowded and stressed city.