I need to up my game.

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 24

A little bit tempted, a little bit starved for pleasure but it's all good.

Yesterday I got myself a tablet, I put the account there and when I wanted to use the Google search bar, I saw a list of past searched done on my computer last year, a list of Instagram names and stuff. God damn the rush... Fuck. It was brutal. Images popped up in my mind but I did the only thing that has helped me since the beginning of the year, the avoiding to engage with them by imagining other things in my head, and it worked.

Here is the thing: thinking that you could completely avoid triggers is unrealistic, in my opinion. But your response is the key. At least so far I think I've found something that work for me. My new motto is "Keep the porn dopamine to the minimum."

I've made it too far, I don't need to fuck up everything and start from day 1, waiting 24 days again to get here is a lot, I am not the best at living in the moment (which I probably should learn). So, yes, the 24 days streak has been a long journey so far but done very very well, I'm surprised even myself. I must not deviate from the new plan.

My brain functions better. I have more energy and I have more drive to study at work. I really need to up my game regarding the things that I have to learn for my job and I can't lose my drive with porn.

Stay strong, y'all! Thanks for support.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
The day started well and then became miserable enough. I started craving alcohol like crazy. But I mean... like CRAZY. Since the beginning of the year, I didn't crave alcohol that much like today. I made a little bit of planning to get some alcohol, for a few seconds. In the afternoon I started feeling kind of lethargic and depressed.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I guess that, since the beginning of this year, I've been focusing my attention to quitting porn and forgot that alcohol is waiting for me right around the corner. Today it was like I bumped into the killer after forgetting about him for almost a month.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
...but I did the only thing that has helped me since the beginning of the year, the avoiding to engage with them by imagining other things in my head, and it worked.

Here is the thing: thinking that you could completely avoid triggers is unrealistic, in my opinion. But your response is the key. At least so far I think I've found something that work for me. My new motto is "Keep the porn dopamine to the minimum."

I've made it too far, I don't need to fuck up everything and start from day 1, waiting 24 days again to get here is a lot, I am not the best at living in the moment (which I probably should learn). So, yes, the 24 days streak has been a long journey so far but done very very well, I'm surprised even myself. I must not deviate from the new plan.

This is awesome progress man! I like how you dismissed the urges brought about by your past searches...! I typically have a habit of deleting riske searches that I've done in the past, so they don't trip me up in the future.

I like your approach and your focus!
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
I guess that, since the beginning of this year, I've been focusing my attention to quitting porn and forgot that alcohol is waiting for me right around the corner. Today it was like I bumped into the killer after forgetting about him for almost a month.

"Bumped into the killer" is right! But, he's also another killer like PMO that you can ignore and go about your day. Always remember that he brings his ugly cousin (PMO) along with him whenever he shows up.

But, just like with porn, if we make it too big a deal it will be a big deal. All the power to say, 'No' or 'Yes' is in you, and not in whatever is reminding you- some outward trigger, or emotional state like depression.

There's a difference I make between 'external triggers' (or cues, I prefer to say), say like a billboard advertising P, or alcohol and 'internal triggers' where emotionally we feel rejected when passed over for a promotion, let's say, that can also act to cue us toward either of these behaviors.

No matter, because in both cases, you have the power to dismiss any urges that come from these.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
This is awesome progress man! I like how you dismissed the urges brought about by your past searches...! I typically have a habit of deleting riske searches that I've done in the past, so they don't trip me up in the future.

I like your approach and your focus!
Thanks, man! I appreciate the support! I delete searches like that too but I don't know what happened this time, I didn't expect to use the search bar on a new device and see past searches!
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
"Bumped into the killer" is right! But, he's also another killer like PMO that you can ignore and go about your day. Always remember that he brings his ugly cousin (PMO) along with him whenever he shows up.

But, just like with porn, if we make it too big a deal it will be a big deal. All the power to say, 'No' or 'Yes' is in you, and not in whatever is reminding you- some outward trigger, or emotional state like depression.

There's a difference I make between 'external triggers' (or cues, I prefer to say), say like a billboard advertising P, or alcohol and 'internal triggers' where emotionally we feel rejected when passed over for a promotion, let's say, that can also act to cue us toward either of these behaviors.

No matter, because in both cases, you have the power to dismiss any urges that come from these.
I like how you said that: If you make it a big deal, it will be a big deal. I need to avoid panicking. There is a little bit of fear, you know, "Will I be able to pass this without relapsing?" The thing with porn is that I've seen that I can do it, in 24 days I've been challenged multiple times but when it comes to alcohol, you see, it's tricky, I didn't really crave it much until today so I focused more on porn and then BAM! I craved alcohol all of a sudden like crazy. You know, funny or not, I can outcome hard urges when it comes to porn but when it comes to alcohol I almost never could say the same in the past. In 2021 my longest streak without drinking was 40+ days (46?) achieved only once and then the rest of the streaks were embarrassing. You know what's crazy? I say that my number one problem is porn but I've had more success with no porn in the past than with no alcohol. Given the fact that alcohol almost always makes me indulge in porn, I think I should focus more on actually staying sober because this seems to be an even bigger challenge! It's crazy when you realize something like this. And the thing is, I started with porn, alcohol came later as a result of me trying to medicate the problems caused by porn.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 25

Yesterday was difficult. The morning was alright but it got bad in the afternoon. I started craving alcohol very much and later I had some urges too. I felt kind of depressed but I guess because I refrained from drinking? Forcefully denying myself the pleasure can get me down big time. There is sometimes that feeling of "low", that feeling of needing stimulation, needing to be "elevated" by porn and alcohol. Let's see how today goes.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
It's just like yesterday. The morning was alright and then it turned miserable in the afternoon. I feel pretty much like shit mentally. I'm going through a fuckin stress situation that provokes anxiety and my anxiety and panic responses are high, I'm freaking the fuck out. I don't like how I feel at all, I'm depressed and strange emotions are washing over me. Some days ago I felt on top of the world and now I crashed hard. I crave alcohol.
 

zaraki888

Active Member
It's just like yesterday. The morning was alright and then it turned miserable in the afternoon. I feel pretty much like shit mentally. I'm going through a fuckin stress situation that provokes anxiety and my anxiety and panic responses are high, I'm freaking the fuck out. I don't like how I feel at all, I'm depressed and strange emotions are washing over me. Some days ago I felt on top of the world and now I crashed hard. I crave alcohol.
These looks to me just normal withdrawal symptoms. Hold on, endure and do not give in. Watch your thoughts and emotions and when they turn negative, turn them back in positive. Just thinking like I just feel a bit down today but man am I happy to finally get rid of this addiction for good! Absolutely worth it! Life is so much better without. These feelings are letting me know the end is near. Turn withdrawal pangs into pleasure like a computer game.

Can you do something to cheer you up like having a walk outside? In those situations I get out, away from any electronic devices. The feeling is temporarily. If you just delay it, perhaps replace with some other activity which gives a good feeling, it will go away.

''When you are about to give up, your enemy is about to give up as well'' Take care
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
These looks to me just normal withdrawal symptoms. Hold on, endure and do not give in. Watch your thoughts and emotions and when they turn negative, turn them back in positive. Just thinking like I just feel a bit down today but man am I happy to finally get rid of this addiction for good! Absolutely worth it! Life is so much better without. These feelings are letting me know the end is near. Turn withdrawal pangs into pleasure like a computer game.

Can you do something to cheer you up like having a walk outside? In those situations I get out, away from any electronic devices. The feeling is temporarily. If you just delay it, perhaps replace with some other activity which gives a good feeling, it will go away.

''When you are about to give up, your enemy is about to give up as well'' Take care
Thanks for support and advice, man.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 26

Today was better than yesterday mentally-wise but it's the second day in a row when I deny myself a drink. The craving for alcohol is strong. I don't know how much I can postpone this. The only thing that kept me from getting anything to drink was the fear that if I drank, I might end up binging PMO. If this happened, I would not get 26 porn free days for months, I'm pretty sure.

I feel low. I crave stimulation and pleasure, I crave porn and drinking.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
 

logicprox

Well-Known Member
Hey dude, I feel you. I was starting to feel that way when I started thinking ahead a lot. For me, calming down how much I was looking forward calmed down the "build-up". I think the urges don't build up (for me) so much as the fear of slipping builds up as time goes o, and I think sometimes it's really just that that drives slips. But it's just today, just this moment, that you have to get through. There is no tomorrow, until tomorrow. And all you have to do today, is just what you did yesterday. Let the urges go. You're still got this.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Hey dude, I feel you. I was starting to feel that way when I started thinking ahead a lot. For me, calming down how much I was looking forward calmed down the "build-up". I think the urges don't build up (for me) so much as the fear of slipping builds up as time goes o, and I think sometimes it's really just that that drives slips. But it's just today, just this moment, that you have to get through. There is no tomorrow, until tomorrow. And all you have to do today, is just what you did yesterday. Let the urges go. You're still got this.
You're right, man. Thanks.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 27

Wow, I can't believe how far I've come, all of a sudden. I think last time when I wrote day 27 here was summer last year. I don't remember having a more recent 27 days streak. The end of last year was a very tough period with binges and short streaks. I was miserable and lost. Who could've believed I could create another chance to save myself. It all started with "I need to make an effort because this is the New Year's promise, I didn't binge watch porn for the whole December only to relapse now after a few days of the new year" but then I went back to the basics, I dusted off my "Porn dopamine to the minimum" method, I quit drinking and here I am. I'm motherfuckin proud about myself for the first time in months. My brain functions better and I feel better about myself.

Today:
I felt better mentally than the last couple of days. The stressful situation is over for now and I can relax a little bit but it's not over completely. However, I have this feeling that I can overcome it.

I think I am going to feel low and crave stimulation for a period of time. That's the "price" I have to pay for going cold turkey with both alcohol and porn. It's an insignificant thing to worry about anyway. The benefits it's staying away from them are too big, socially, mentally and spiritually. I will have a chance to get rid of porn if I stay away from drinking. I craved it surprisingly too little until 3 days ago when all of a sudden it hit me hard. It made me realize that I have a tactic for urges but I don't for alcohol. It's a different beast.
 
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