I'm in a certain category of people: People who have lived too little, people that are embarrassed to start talking about their lives because they haven't done much. I'm 31 and from 12 to 31 I have had only a few instances of really "living". I haven't had any friends since 22 years old. I haven't pursuit hobbies, interests, studying etc. I would like to study so many things yet I haven't studied shit. Yes, it's a sad show. It's safe to say I am embarrassed to even bring up the subject because I would have to lie and I hate lying. It's safe to say it's very hard to open up and admit this. Even as anonymous. It's a big blow to the ego. "How the fuck did you end up in this mess?" Yes, it's a good question. I don't have a definitive answer. I don't even know how the fuck I ended up in this mess. Porn + Miserable programming, maybe. Everything happened gradually but all of a sudden. Things moved too fast but they once were moving at a normal speed and I was asleep.
So I will probably speak more to this group, as it's what I know, as I figure things out. And I believe for us, the first 3 steps we need to take are:
1. Admit you have a problem. Or problems.
This is self-explanatory. You won't want to change unless you admit that you have a problem, or multiple problems, that you are a mess and that you are using porn, substances, alcohol, behaviors, sugar etc. only one of them or all of them to self-medicate.
2. Believe that the problem(s) can go away and that you can actually live a life without "drugs" and that you can have a fulfilling life.
This will challenge the people in my group. We normally have a resistance to this, we don't think we can ever be happy, we can ever have a life without addictions, without misery, without low self-esteem, without thinking we are shit etc. This is a blow to the very core of us. And this step might take a while but we need to develop the belief that we can lose the fucked up self we know so well and change and have a good life.
3. Seek and accept help.
This is again very difficult for the people in my group. Because we are so scared to open up, it gets very difficult to seek help because seeking help means you have to tell the person what's wrong with you. But I think it's crucial to seek help and try to find the right people who could help. Here is the thing, if we could figure everything out and heal ourselves in solitude, we would do it. If for more than 10 years I couldn't do shit about myself, maybe it's safe to say I don't know how to do it and that I need help.
Don't lose hope. But don't struggle in vain either. Try to be specific.