Help Needed...

It's been a couple of years since I posted here and during this time, I have continued to use porn (both movies and webcam sites) and I feel I need to write this down in order to address the issues. I am a father of two, holding down a professional job and have received counselling for this in the past.
However, I cannot seem to stop using these sites, either when I am alone during the day (I work in an office on my own) or late at night when my family are in bed. I have days where I can function well and get on with my job without any distractions and then have days where the thoughts are all consuming and I "act out".
I have tried the strategies discussed when I had counselling in the past (leaving my office and going for a walk, going to bed at the same time/before my partner) but this does not always work and is not always practical.
I thought I would return to this site and document my thoughts and feelings to see if this helps. Instead of accessing websites, I can access this site and write down my thoughts and feelings to see if the thoughts and desires to act out subsides.
I want to be free of this addiction and be free of the debt...
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Good for you for coming back. I'm a return customer as well, but I never really posted before, just read other people's journals. This time I needed to quit for good and do exactly what you are doing. Coming here instead of going to Porn sites. Sometimes when there aren't that many updates here I get a little sad. I like to have a lot of interaction to keep me busy. I have found journaling and commenting on other people's journals to be a huge help. I hope it is for you as well. I'm 60 days in my recovery today. It has been easier than I thought it would be. I'm 45 years of daily porn use here. A little crazy to think I've been at it for so long, but it has become very bad in the last 20 years working from home with access to the internet.

So good luck and I'll check in with you most days if you have posts.
 
Good for you for coming back. I'm a return customer as well, but I never really posted before, just read other people's journals. This time I needed to quit for good and do exactly what you are doing. Coming here instead of going to Porn sites. Sometimes when there aren't that many updates here I get a little sad. I like to have a lot of interaction to keep me busy. I have found journaling and commenting on other people's journals to be a huge help. I hope it is for you as well. I'm 60 days in my recovery today. It has been easier than I thought it would be. I'm 45 years of daily porn use here. A little crazy to think I've been at it for so long, but it has become very bad in the last 20 years working from home with access to the internet.

So good luck and I'll check in with you most days if you have posts.
Thanks for your message - Day 1 is almost done and a productive and successful day working from home. I'm going to take it one day at a time.
 

jjacks

Active Member
Welcome back ... be sure to post frequently in your journal. It really helps to see one's own feelings and thoughts in black and white.

A big trigger is doing computer-related work in a private office, and this is especially hard to avoid these days of Covid. You might try to move your office to a less private place or move your desk to an open door or public facing window. It was one of the factors that worked for me -- increasing the risk of discovery reduced the temptation dramatically whenever I used my computer. (And my work productivity went 'way up). The other was diligently logging the journey on ths site and counting the days. These help to see the progress, even if there is a setback or two along the way.
Good luck with your journey.

-jj
 
So day 2 went by without incident. I'm now in day 3 and am back in the office after being out and about today. Writing my journal on here as the thoughts are beginning to creep in. Have just opened the door to my private office to reduce the risk of doing anything. Will stay strong....
 
So day 2 went by without incident. I'm now in day 3 and am back in the office after being out and about today. Writing my journal on here as the thoughts are beginning to creep in. Have just opened the door to my private office to reduce the risk of doing anything. Will stay strong....
You can do this the thoughts will try and creep in but we can beat this addiction. I am currently on day 3 since last relapse and so far so good. One day at a time my friend.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Be strong. You can do this. Being in a private office with the door closed makes it so easy to be tempted. I am still in that situation. I can't leave my door open or move to a busier part of my home. I have too many phone calls and the rest of my family doesn't need to hear me on the phone all day. I have been dealing with it pretty well, but I wouldn't mind being in a place that wasn't so private.
 
So I am now at the end of day 4. It's been a pretty good day. Worked from home and got a lot done. Keeping busy takes my mind off things. Thursdays are often tricky as it's often the night where I stay up late watching things on TV, giving me the opportunity. Off to bed soon so as not to tempt fate. Hope everyone else is ok. Thanks for the support everyone. The positive messages received in response help a lot.
 
So I am now at the end of day 4. It's been a pretty good day. Worked from home and got a lot done. Keeping busy takes my mind off things. Thursdays are often tricky as it's often the night where I stay up late watching things on TV, giving me the opportunity. Off to bed soon so as not to tempt fate. Hope everyone else is ok. Thanks for the support everyone. The positive messages received in response help a lot.
Glad to hear you are doing well and congrats on day 4. There will be ups and downs trust me but keep taking it one step at a time you got this.
 
Unfortunately, despite all your support, I didn't "got this" at all and fell off the wagon on Friday night. Back to square one 2 days now completed again with nothing. Annoyed doesn't even describe it.
 
Unfortunately, despite all your support, I didn't "got this" at all and fell off the wagon on Friday night. Back to square one 2 days now completed again with nothing. Annoyed doesn't even describe it.
I know where you are at I have relapsed a few times myself but you still got this. Congrats on 2 days. Don't be to hard on yourself the important part is you got yourself back on track and refocused. I am currently on day 6 after my most recent relapse and the urge us still there but I have resisted so far. Just take it one day at a time my friend
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Welcome back and just know that it seems everyone relapses but more important is how you respond and start to build your endurance to win the battle. I am on day 69 and prior to this site I fought this on my own only to ALWAYS relapse. By reading these journals and posting it has helped me progress to where I am today. Keep fighting the fight and it will get better and you will get stronger! I believe we are all living proof! Phineas, and Guitar1968 have some great posts along with others. Stay strong and you can do it!
 
Day 3 was a success and currently on day 4 - lots of work completed yesterday and continuing today. Feeling better and more positive. Wanting to get on and enjoy life without this demon living on my shoulder.
 
So...its been three months, almost to the day since I last posted on here. Needless to say it's been up and down.
Motivation has been variable in my work and personal life and I have periods of time where I am certain I am going to crack this addiction and other periods where it's all I can think about. I managed two weeks without any porn about a month ago and was feeling great but then slowly slipped back into it. I find it so frustrating that I can't just walk away from all of this and leave it behind. It has it's claws dug into me.

I have looked back over my posts and I have been trying to get on top of this since the end of 2016 when my wife found my undeleted internet history. I had counselling from the beginning of 2017 to just before lockdown in 2020 but even then I wasn't honest with myself or with the counsellor.

All in all, very frustrated and wanting to get on top of this.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
So...its been three months, almost to the day since I last posted on here. Needless to say it's been up and down.
Motivation has been variable in my work and personal life and I have periods of time where I am certain I am going to crack this addiction and other periods where it's all I can think about. I managed two weeks without any porn about a month ago and was feeling great but then slowly slipped back into it. I find it so frustrating that I can't just walk away from all of this and leave it behind. It has it's claws dug into me.

I have looked back over my posts and I have been trying to get on top of this since the end of 2016 when my wife found my undeleted internet history. I had counselling from the beginning of 2017 to just before lockdown in 2020 but even then I wasn't honest with myself or with the counsellor.

All in all, very frustrated and wanting to get on top of this.
I was very much like you the first time I tried to kick porn. That was a couple of years ago. I would go two weeks, then slide back in and then I would try again and I eventually gave up. I really was awful until this year. I just had enough. I finally started coming here everyday, reading and writing and it all started clicking. Hardly perfect, but so much better. I'm getting close to six months without a single PMO. I masturbated 5 times in that time but not for 60 days now. I'm trying hard mode for at least 90 days. I also read The Easy Peasy Method for quitting porn and that really helped. But I truly believe coming here every day to talk to people like you about our problem has helped more than anything. I never before was so open and honest about everything that brought me here. We're completely anonymous here which makes it easy, but it still feels great to be able to write out all the crap that has been going on with myself and to get positive feedback and reinforcement to stay clean.

Everyone is different. I had to hit a place that I just couldn't stand it any longer. You have to be truly ready to move on and then you have to use all the tools that are out there to make it happen. I never thought I could go this long and if I can do it, I'm pretty sure most people can.

Good luck and stay strong. You can do this.
 
I was very much like you the first time I tried to kick porn. That was a couple of years ago. I would go two weeks, then slide back in and then I would try again and I eventually gave up. I really was awful until this year. I just had enough. I finally started coming here everyday, reading and writing and it all started clicking. Hardly perfect, but so much better. I'm getting close to six months without a single PMO. I masturbated 5 times in that time but not for 60 days now. I'm trying hard mode for at least 90 days. I also read The Easy Peasy Method for quitting porn and that really helped. But I truly believe coming here every day to talk to people like you about our problem has helped more than anything. I never before was so open and honest about everything that brought me here. We're completely anonymous here which makes it easy, but it still feels great to be able to write out all the crap that has been going on with myself and to get positive feedback and reinforcement to stay clean.

Everyone is different. I had to hit a place that I just couldn't stand it any longer. You have to be truly ready to move on and then you have to use all the tools that are out there to make it happen. I never thought I could go this long and if I can do it, I'm pretty sure most people can.

Good luck and stay strong. You can do this.
Thank you so much for your reply. It means a lot. One day at a time!!
 
You really have to learn to hate it. You have to look at it as an enemy, a despised enemy that has done you serious damage so that you can start developing negative reinforcement pathways in your brain. That when you think of p***, you will have at least one strongly negative emotional reaction to help counter all of the positive expectations your little dopamine receptors happily anticipate every time it crosses your mind.

Also yes, this and more constructive sites rather than p***. Learn a new skill. I've been pointing people to the "art of manliness" website as a better place to spend your time, and as a place to give you lots of other ideas how you might be better spending your time and becoming a better man.

So every time you think, Ah, just one more time, how much can it hurt? You can say to yourself, I have a better idea, and to act on it.
 
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