Clearly something is off about myself as I've had 2 more PMO relapses after that first one yesterday (see the spreadsheet). On the YBOP website, I came across this idea of keeping 2 separate counters, one for PMO and one for just MO. The idea was that in
absolutely urgent times, if I'm having trouble keeping PMO urges at bay, I should instead release via MO rather than PMO. So essentially, if you have to "relapse", do it
without porn. This could be helpful for me since one of the things that really hooks people like myself onto porn is the constant novelty, and so if I simply don't look at any porn and therefore over time don't inject any novelty into my head, then it may help break the addiction faster. That being said, there is certainly a slippery slope doing it in this so-called "orgasm reboot" way, since my addicted brain may view it as a green light to masturbate with no constraints, which is certainly not desirable either (and also the act of masturbation can induce a strong chaser effect which has the potential to lead back to PMO). I believe the correct attitude to have on all this is that it's just doing a standard reboot, namely trying to abstain
as much as possible from both porn and masturbation (i.e. going full cold turkey), but that in those really bad moments, I have a "nuclear button" to avoid porn. Porn is the #1 enemy, masturbation is #2, at least that's the philosophy. I'm going to give this a try and see if it helps me.
But I also need to do some other things to improve my reboot success. One idea I'm having is to just have some very cold object within hand's reach at all times (such as a pack of ice) or maybe a big bowl of ice cold water (I think you can see where I'm going with this). When urges come, I might grab the ice pack and press it hard against my forehead in order to "cool" the urges literally, or if I go with the bowl scenario, I might just douse my head straight into the bowl of ice cold water for like 2 seconds and hopefully that should vanquish the urges at least temporarily. A third simpler option is to just always, without exception, go to the tap and splash cold water on my face every 30 minutes or so, regardless of whether or not I'm having any urges. I know this sounds extreme, but desperate times call for desperate measures
. Another thing is that I can practice controlling and being more aware of my urges by quitting some other habits I've accumulated over the years (these aren't "bad" habits like porn, they're harmless things like biting my nails when I'm thinking, but actively attempting to quit them can be a good starting point for the more serious stuff). I think it would also help if I had a more structured routine with my Pomodoro breaks. Specifically, in the 3-minutes that I allot myself, I think it's fair to have myself do 30 squats, 30 weight-lifts, and 30 sit-ups each time in that order,
no exceptions.
However, I also need to plan for a more long-term solution (all of the things I've suggested so far are short-term ways to get a streak going, but the point is to maintain it for as long as I can). I need to accept that the reason I am so addicted to porn is that it gives me a quick fix when my dopamine levels are low. I need to accept that by engaging in an extended period of abstinence, I
will be subjecting myself to the uncomfortable feelings of low dopamine, loneliness, exhaustion, boredom, etc. and that I am not going to have my usual fix at hand. By accepting this, I am logically forced to find another way to alleviate those uncomfortable emotions. However, I think it's actually pretty obvious how I can manage each of those situations (basically, I think for myself all of my triggers for porn fall into one of those 3 categories: loneliness, exhaustion, and boredom).
Loneliness ------> Go to one of my parents' rooms and have a long conversation with them about anything. Also make sure there is plenty of hugging and cuddling (not intimate or anything, just a sort of parent-child thing).
Exhaustion -------> Go to kitchen area, grab a snack, a cup of water, and sit by the window which opens up to the garden. Eat. If I'm really tired, I might also consider a quick 2-minute cold shower afterwards.
Boredom -------> (this one seems to be very tricky to solve. The basic problem is that the antidote to the boredom is of course something exciting, something which can carry one on some sort of roller-coaster. Porn of course does this, which is why it's so luring. I think the closest "healthy" substitute I can think of which still sort of administers a roller-coaster experience is the aforementioned "dousing myself in ice cold water" method. Let me know if you have some better suggestions, but I'm going to stick with that for now as a means of alleviating boredom).
So essentially then, the task of abstaining from porn really reduces to the task of being able to correctly and efficiently identify which of the 3 above situations I am finding myself in when I'm having urges (it could also be some combination of the three), and give myself the appropriate treatment (which are of course subject to revisions and improvements overtime as I see fit). I think another step I'm going to take is to
Ankify all the important points in this post I've made, since I've noticed that when the urges get really bad, one's thinking becomes very foggy and obstructed, so it may be crucial to have the key points of this strategy firmly memorized and embedded into my head so that they are easier to recall. Also, it is of course fairly easy to think of situations in which I am not able to carry out the above actions (e.g. if both my parents are out for some urgent reasons), in which case
I just have to hang in there, and MO if and only if
absolutely necessary.
If the reboot is a journey, I think I've packed enough luggage on this one, and that this is really going to be
the one (I know that sounds so cringy and all, but I should mention that I have in the past, before I joined Reboot Nation, actually (and successfully) gone utterly cold turkey for something like 100 days. Let me say that again.
In the past, I have done it. The mere fact that I have done it before successfully before is undeniable proof that I am capable of it and that I can make it happen again). Onward!!!
Sincerely, and I do mean sincerely, Jacob