I've been in recovery for a while..

Pra

Member
Since my last post I broke things off with a long-distance "friend/possibility of something more happening". That whole aspect was surely a factor in last week's resets. This person had gone AWOL with me for over a month, so at least part of me assumed I was being ghosted. But I wasn't, it was just a case of being "busy" and what have you. Anyway, it's over. Feels awkward though.

I've got urges and I've also got plenty to do! Including difficult emotional work lol
 

Pra

Member
Recovery has been going well since. In fact, urges haven't been too bad.. until today.

I've been focusing on better things: hobbies, podcasts, looking into ways of handling my emotions better, things like that. I've also been busier than usual, and busier in a way that makes it more difficult to act out than normal (normally I'm often "busy" but I have the option of procrastinating a little, hence acting out).

Anyway, also pretty tired today, which can be a trigger.
 
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Pra

Member
Since my last post I broke things off with a long-distance "friend/possibility of something more happening". That whole aspect was surely a factor in last week's resets. This person had gone AWOL with me for over a month, so at least part of me assumed I was being ghosted. But I wasn't, it was just a case of being "busy" and what have you. Anyway, it's over. Feels awkward though.

I've got urges and I've also got plenty to do! Including difficult emotional work lol

Slipped up last night and got a really bad night's sleep.

I read a reply to my breakup message to that person shortly beforehand. Coincidence? Probably not.
 

Pra

Member
Doing okay since.

Perhaps I'm destined to be single long-term. Not necessarily the end of the world in my opinion. Pros and cons either way, versus relationships. Plenty of terrible relationships out there. But maybe given enough time, effort and luck I'll end up in a healthy relationship. Who knows.

Onwards.
 

Pra

Member
I've been thinking that "balance" is very important. So for example:

  • Getting necessary stuff done
  • Hobbies
  • Self-help and so on, learning and applying things to help with my thoughts and emotions
  • Exercise
I'm sure there are more things that could be added. Anyway, focusing too much on one thing could lead to issues in other areas, including the addiction, so a sense of balance may be the secret (or one of many secrets as there may not be any silver bullets).

Anyway that's my ramble for today. As for the previous post, to be clear, I have been in relationships, but have I been in a healthy one? Hmm..
 

Pra

Member
Some news. I weighed myself for the first time in a few years I think. A bit over what I might have guessed, probably. Still in the healthy weight range according to the BMI (which isn't the best system really). Not the heaviest I've ever been, that would be sometime in my teenage years.

So I've got some weight to lose! Like many an addict, by quitting one thing I've managed to consume too many calories instead. In one sense weighing myself has helped me feel better. Before that I was thinking, what's going on with my body? Is it because I'm getting a little older, gravity is affecting it more? Lol. Of course I had an idea that it was excess body fat, but now it's more clarified. Let's lose some pounds.
 

Pra

Member
So I weighed myself after a week. If it's accurate I've lost 0.6 kg or 1.3 pounds. Pretty good really.

Less good is that I slipped up addiction-wise at the weekend. Got to strictly avoid all online chatrooms etc. Also I need to get better at calming myself down when I get that type of urge.
 

Pra

Member
Okay, been a few weeks since I updated. Recovery is going well, but don't want to get overconfident. I think being strict about avoiding all chat is a big help. I took extra measures to avoid "grey areas". For example, I used to watch Twitch streams, either live or after they had happened. Although chat wasn't the main focus, chat is possible and the streamer interacts with the chat. So I got rid of the app. Also on YouTube I unsubscribed from a couple of YouTubers who do live streams.

Because of this progress with avoiding chat, I'm possibly more prone to other kinds of triggers, so I'm trying to be careful there too.

As for my weight, I'm probably not doing amazingly well in this regard. I keep forgetting to weigh myself in the morning before breakfast, which would be a more accurate reading.

Not sleeping particularly well recently.

Getting back into my language learning hobby a bit, which is nice. One problem is that part of me wants to know EVERY language lol.

Recently I started doing some programming again but fell out of the habit again quickly. So I'd like to establish a habit of doing that if at all possible. Try and do a bit every day.
 
Some news. I weighed myself for the first time in a few years I think. A bit over what I might have guessed, probably. Still in the healthy weight range according to the BMI (which isn't the best system really). Not the heaviest I've ever been, that would be sometime in my teenage years.

So I've got some weight to lose! Like many an addict, by quitting one thing I've managed to consume too many calories instead. In one sense weighing myself has helped me feel better. Before that I was thinking, what's going on with my body? Is it because I'm getting a little older, gravity is affecting it more? Lol. Of course I had an idea that it was excess body fat, but now it's more clarified. Let's lose some pounds.
Oh man, I feel for you. Quit one compulsive behaviour and turn to another. I've struggled to lose weight too, I know it can be hard. Hang in there, keep doing the things to make yourself better.
 
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Pra

Member
Oh man, I feel for you. Quit one compulsive behaviour and turn to another. I've struggled to lose weight too, I know it can be hard. Hang in there, keep doing the things to make yourself better.

Thanks. I don't need to lose a whole lot of weight, but on the other hand I tend to put on weight in unflattering places lol. I've thought of some changes I can make to my diet.

Also I think doing hobbies, reading inspiring books, doing mindfulness techniques and so forth should help keep my mood stable, and therefore help me stick to healthier habits.

I'm going to try and do some language learning and some programming (or electronics) every day. Also some sitting meditation if I can, but I won't aim to do it every single day just yet.
 

Pra

Member
Streak came to an end yesterday. I think it was Day 29.

Not a fan of this time of year.
 
I don't need to lose a whole lot of weight, but on the other hand I tend to put on weight in unflattering places.

Also I think doing hobbies, reading inspiring books, doing mindfulness techniques and so forth should help keep my mood stable, and therefore help me stick to healthier habits.
True, that can be motivating. I started listening to affirmations a couple of months ago and have found them to be very potent while I'm doing things (less so if I'm just sitting around listening to them).

If you haven't already check out Alpha Affirmations on YouTube. His Mental Toughness, Discipline, and Self Improvement affirmations videos are 💣💥 very powerful.

Another good channel is Mindful Waves - he has videos about alpha mindset, financial success, and fitness that are great and promote healthy attitudes.

But the strongest thing that has helped me stay committed to the gym and dieting was hiring a coach to keep me accountable.

I have literally tried 20-30 times to get in shape over the years and nothing stuck until I hired a coach this year.

He plans my workouts, prescribes my calories and macros, and gives advice, praise, or encouragement through his weekly check in videos. It's been absolutely life changing. Would highly recommend if you haven't considered it before. I know I used to dismiss the notion because I was very self-reliant and didn't have any spare cash. But having another person looking at what you're doing can be extremely motivating and it definitely worked for me when I finally decided to try it.

That's especially relevant for us as people recovering from compulsive behaviour; self control hasn't historically been our strong suit 😅👌
 
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Pra

Member
Chat reset yesterday ended 14 day streak, I think. But I've been doing okay at avoiding chaser resets recently.

Straight back to recovery. I'm thinking about how to prevent a future similar reset.
 

Pra

Member
Another slip last night unfortunately. I'm going to try blockers again. One site I need to block in particular..

Gotta survive this time of year!
 

Pra

Member
9 day streak ended yesterday. Chatted, but not in a bad way, but then again all online chat is bad for me. Plus it sucks me in and I waste loads of time on it. I "hyperfocus" on it. Used a p-sub in the end.

If anyone needs an accountability partner, maybe give me a PM.
 
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