New to the group

Jlied

Member
Hi all, I’m a married 40 yr old father of two. I’ve struggled with porn for nearly 20 years. I had been exposed to porn and acting out when I was around 13, a close friend at the time found a nudie mag and stashed it in his room. Whenever we’d hang at his house he’d get it out and we’d look at it. Eventually that led to us exploring with each other. Then in jr high we attended separate schools and eventually lost touch. Fast forward to about 19-20 years old and I really started frequenting porn sites and it escalated there. I have always identified as straight but my porn use and escalation led me to acting out again with other men (I was terribly shy and could never speak to women). I knew it was wrong and always felt shame after doing so but I just couldn’t break away from that cycle until I met my wife. Once we started dating and getting serious the urge to act out went away but not the urge to view porn and frequent chat sites. About 3 years ago she found out about my secret double life and she almost left me. If it weren’t for the kids she probably would have. It was a terrible time period for me but a blessing at the same time. I’ve been working really hard at becoming a better man, father, and husband. I definitely see good growth on my part but I still struggle with urges and have occasional slips. Reading all of your testimonies really gives me strength and motivation to continue working on myself for the better. Perhaps this is an issue that will always lay dormant until something triggering happens. Perhaps the longer I work on establishing boundaries and not giving real estate in my mind to urges and thoughts the struggle will eventually die out. All I know is I’m committed to winning for me first and family second.

thank you all for the inspiration!

**edit, I hope my post isn’t triggering to anyone and if so please report it to have taken down. I’m sorry if my post has triggered any of you.
 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Welcome @Jlied this is a safe place and you are not offending anyone. Everyone here is responsible for how they feel and we value your candor and honesty. What you'll find here is a lot of people that are going through the same things as you are. You are not alone in this. I wish you well in your journey and I encourage you to keep poring your heart out on a regular basis. It helps so much with everything. Peace my friend!!
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Welcome to the group! I hope you keep coming back here and writing and reading as much as you can. This place has helped me tremendously and all the support is what has kept me going. It really, really helps to share your issues and struggles and get feedback from everyone. So many helpful people here struggling the same way we are.

Good luck on your journey!
 

Jlied

Member
Welcome @Jlied this is a safe place and you are not offending anyone. Everyone here is responsible for how they feel and we value your candor and honesty. What you'll find here is a lot of people that are going through the same things as you are. You are not alone in this. I wish you well in your journey and I encourage you to keep poring your heart out on a regular basis. It helps so much with everything. Peace my friend!!
Thank you for your kind words. I know sometimes that topic can be polarizing to some. It’s still something I’m trying to figure out and feel that it is something that developed as my porn use escalated. I don’t have those types of urges if I’m not viewing porn or edging. But I am sure there is some sort of underlying issue that I am medicating by wanting to have an authoritative man requesting those activities from me. It’s almost like a craving when I am worked up by porn or masturbation. But I do know when I’m working on recovery and abiding to my boundaries those urges are non existent. Thanks again for reaching out and please feel free to keep in touch.
 

Jlied

Member
Welcome to the group! I hope you keep coming back here and writing and reading as much as you can. This place has helped me tremendously and all the support is what has kept me going. It really, really helps to share your issues and struggles and get feedback from everyone. So many helpful people here struggling the same way we are.

Good luck on your journey!
Thank you. I too find the forums and testimonies helpful.
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Welcome to the site and you definitely aren't alone in this battle. This site is a safe haven and has truly been a blessing on my journey to succeed. While I am happy with where I have come I know this will always be a battle of sorts. Good luck in your journey!
 
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