Jlied
Active Member
Hi all, I’m a married 40 yr old father of two. I’ve struggled with porn for nearly 20 years. I had been exposed to porn and acting out when I was around 13, a close friend at the time found a nudie mag and stashed it in his room. Whenever we’d hang at his house he’d get it out and we’d look at it. Eventually that led to us exploring with each other. Then in jr high we attended separate schools and eventually lost touch. Fast forward to about 19-20 years old and I really started frequenting porn sites and it escalated there. I have always identified as straight but my porn use and escalation led me to acting out again with other men (I was terribly shy and could never speak to women). I knew it was wrong and always felt shame after doing so but I just couldn’t break away from that cycle until I met my wife. Once we started dating and getting serious the urge to act out went away but not the urge to view porn and frequent chat sites. About 3 years ago she found out about my secret double life and she almost left me. If it weren’t for the kids she probably would have. It was a terrible time period for me but a blessing at the same time. I’ve been working really hard at becoming a better man, father, and husband. I definitely see good growth on my part but I still struggle with urges and have occasional slips. Reading all of your testimonies really gives me strength and motivation to continue working on myself for the better. Perhaps this is an issue that will always lay dormant until something triggering happens. Perhaps the longer I work on establishing boundaries and not giving real estate in my mind to urges and thoughts the struggle will eventually die out. All I know is I’m committed to winning for me first and family second.
thank you all for the inspiration!
**edit, I hope my post isn’t triggering to anyone and if so please report it to have taken down. I’m sorry if my post has triggered any of you.
thank you all for the inspiration!
**edit, I hope my post isn’t triggering to anyone and if so please report it to have taken down. I’m sorry if my post has triggered any of you.