Doing Real and my last Reboot from today

46and2

Active Member
Hey man; I hope you don't mind me saying but it seems that you've locked yourself into a reboot/relapse cycle. I'm not trying to make you feel bad; how could I when I've been locked in a reboot/reuse cycle for 15 years now. I myself am only on Day 3 at my latest attempt at recovery.....so I wonder my friend, where are we going wrong? Because we can adopt all the healthy behaviours we like but when the crunch comes it's the urges that win. I think a why is very important but I personally believe wanting to get laid again is too superficial....thats great and all but there has to be more. For me I now believe that the most important thing is that I recover from my addiction and by recover I mean recover the person I was meant to be before I let this shit take over my life. There is a reason we use; there is a pain we try to numb and drown out. That pain has to be listened to as uncomfortable as it may be. Congratulations on continuing the fight my friend and really it's great you're still journaling. Really! Many a time I started journaling and then relapsed and completely stopped because of shame. So it's great you're sticking with it mate. Much love!
 

Do or die

Respected Member
Yes you are right
Now I want to stop it. Today is day 2.
After successfully completing 33 days my confidence is good.
So I think this time I will try my best
 
Hey man; I hope you don't mind me saying but it seems that you've locked yourself into a reboot/relapse cycle. I'm not trying to make you feel bad; how could I when I've been locked in a reboot/reuse cycle for 15 years now. I myself am only on Day 3 at my latest attempt at recovery.....so I wonder my friend, where are we going wrong? Because we can adopt all the healthy behaviours we like but when the crunch comes it's the urges that win. I think a why is very important but I personally believe wanting to get laid again is too superficial....thats great and all but there has to be more. For me I now believe that the most important thing is that I recover from my addiction and by recover I mean recover the person I was meant to be before I let this shit take over my life. There is a reason we use; there is a pain we try to numb and drown out. That pain has to be listened to as uncomfortable as it may be. Congratulations on continuing the fight my friend and really it's great you're still journaling. Really! Many a time I started journaling and then relapsed and completely stopped because of shame. So it's great you're sticking with it mate. Much love!
Yes, well said. I am trapped in this "Relapse/Restart" cycle myself, I know what it's like. Time flies and if we don't pay attention, we could be trapped in this cycle 10 years from now as well. There is a point where we need to start doing it right. What does "doing it right" mean for all of us? That's what we need to figure out. You know, this porn addiction is a form of (fake) comfort for us. With time we might end up prefering the comfort, we don't want to hear things. But I've realized that I now prefer someone to come and tell me straight up: "You are not doing this right, figure it out!" Because without this, I like to stay in my comfort zone and answer to that person: "But quitting porn is so hard! You're being fuckin mean, man! For said that to me in such a way!" But the truth is, we need to really start fuckin doing it, no sugarcoating, no "I don't want to hear this" type of shit. Otherwise, the "Relapse/Restart" cycle is waiting for us 10 years from now on and we will come back here writing "Day 1 I can't do this no more". Yes, restarting is worth of respect but coming here for years and years to write "Day 1" is a waste of life. And I'm writing this for myself too because I haven't overcome that yet, I need to hear it too, my streak is only 4 days long and I've been writing "Day 1" on reboot nation for about 3 years already. And yes, I believe that having rebooting for sex as the number one goal is a lame reason, we must do this to open the doors and make becoming our best version possible, to go out and do all the things we want to do in life. Peace.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
@ Escape, 46and2 ~

Yes, I also know what that 'relapse/restart' cycle is all about! And yes, it can turn into literally decades, as it has for me in varying degrees. But much of that was my approach, and some fundamental faulty thinking about myself, and the ways I approached recovery.

It wasn't until I on one hand embraced a 'radical grace' that said I was forgiven no matter what (this dealt with the shame factor), and on the other hand treating this thing for what it is, a bad habit. When I changed my approach on those 2 fronts, my failures changed more into success.

I know I could fall tomorrow, but I have better tools now to actually change this thing.
 
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Phineas 808

Respected Member
Do,

I'm thinking your latest lapse was related to the wet dreams, am I right?

When that happens again, please, don't beat yourself up about it. It's the shame that tripped you up.

I do care what my dreams are about, and it may reflect progress or the lack of, but at the end of the day I know that a dream is a dream, and a wet dream is just a physioligical response- and it may be that the body needed that release...

So, I don't care if I dream about 1,000 women (ha!), I'm not going to guilt-trip myself about it, that's how we fall. Watch out for shame. Don't blame yourself for anything out of your control, and what is our fault, forgive yourself as soon as possible, so you can keep going.
 

Do or die

Respected Member
Relapsed again. Someone is said that I not recovered yet. Because I am trapped in a relapse restart cycle. And I think it's true.

I don't want to leave Porn addiction , I want to learn how to successfully quit porn and to end this cycle.
 
I find it’s the practical things that help. Do you keep your phone with you in your bedroom at night? Or your laptop? Try keeping them downstairs all the time, especially if you live with other people, this will help you avoid searching for porn when you’re alone.
 

46and2

Active Member
Sorry to hear about your latest relapse my friend. Let me ask you why is it that you wish to quit porn? Having a solid why can be a great focal point for recovery; the people who've had success here seem to have established that can carry them through the urges. My why used to be vague and ill defined but I've found the why I need now; this addiction has taken everything from me, not through some subtle manipulation, because I handed everything over with little or no fight. I want to be clean because I've turned into someone I hate and living with that self-hatred every day has become unbearable. My recovery is more important now than anything else because I need to recover who I would have been had I not made the decision to find distraction from my pain. What is your why? Don't lose hope and don't lose faith; they're the life blood of recovery! Stay strong friend.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Someone is said that I not recovered yet. Because I am trapped in a relapse restart cycle. And I think it's true.

Hi, Do. Please listen...

Only YOU determine if you're trapped or 'not recovered' yet. You just recently did 33 days! That's over a month without PMO!

That doesn't sound like someone 'trapped' or 'not recovered yet'- that sounds like someone recovering, even with your latest lapses.

What's true is that you're not giving up, and that everytime you fall, you get up. You are doing this, Do! You are becoming a 'better you'. Get up, and go for another 33 days!
 
I really like your signature, it's so true. I've seen your signature before and I think back to it sometimes, it's funny that I stumbled across your journal again. But keep at it, even though you relapsed. I'm on day 24 myself, will make a journal entry tomorrow about how things have gone for me. I wish you determination to stay true to your aim!

PS This is probably just me, but I find thinking about my progress rather stressful. I'm using HabitBull (without an account) on Android to keep track of my progress and I write a journal entry every fifth day. And instead of ticking the box every night, I do it every other day. That way it feels like I've achieved more.
 
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