On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again

Hello all.

I've been going back and forth on whether or not to post in here for about a month now.

I'm coming off a 37 day streak with no PMO. I've crashed landed now and my self control is in the toilet.
Struggling to get past the first few days. I've got pretty good porn blockers on my laptop and phone, but I've just resorted to looking at porn on my PS4.
Need to try and devise a way to make it more difficult to watch porn on my PS4.

This is Day 1. The journey begins. Again.
 

Fappy

Respected Member
37 days is pretty good!
thats the thing with these porn blockers; the addiction-fucked part of your brain will ALWAYS find a way to get around them. watching porn on your ps4 is not an option! thats an order from me, Fappy!
 
37 days is pretty good!
thats the thing with these porn blockers; the addiction-fucked part of your brain will ALWAYS find a way to get around them. watching porn on your ps4 is not an option! thats an order from me, Fappy!
Thanks Fappy. You are right. There will always be a route to porn. If I can't remove these routes, I need to improve my self control.

Day 2

Had a pretty busy day yesterday with uni and work so that helped me keep my mind off it.
I think maintaining this journal will add to the list of reasons why I need to stop watching porn.
I feel like the more reasons you have to not do something, the stronger your case is against it when that choice pops into your head.
 
Day 3

Another successful day down. Barely even thought about porn today. Was too busy with work.
Played some footy after work as well so I didn't get bored and look at porn for that reason.
My porn use has become a lot less habitual now since I've had stints of abstinence from it over these past few months.
Taking it a day at a time because I know how difficult it is to get past the one week mark.
 
Day 4

Had a rough night last night. I don't know if not doing PMO is affecting my sleep or if its just the hot weather that's keeping me up.
I'm feeling confident though that I can reach the week threshold and beyond.
The reason my last streak ended was I hit the flatline and couldn't control the urge to try and rekindle my sex drive by looking at porn.
The flatline brought about a sort of hollowness that didn't sit with me very well. I need to be vigilant when that feeling arises again.
 
Day 7

I seem to be handling my urges quite comfortably at the moment.
In recent times, I would get aroused by seeing a hot girl on a tv show or something to that effect and would immediately consider watching porn.
The inclination to watch porn has reduced somewhat, so when I do get a little horny its just a feeling that comes and goes.

Also, I have in the past few days become the proud owner of a PS5 and so the PS4 route to porn has been removed as I have unplugged it and moved it into a different room. I don't know where the internet browser is on the PS5 and I don't want to know!

One week! :)
 
Day 8

Had a dream that I was watching porn last night and somehow stopped myself from finishing in the dream. Bit confused by the whole dreaming of porn and whether it means something or not.

Feeling pretty low today. Usually these moods would set off my appetite to watch porn. I'm trying to use the abstinence as something to be proud of. It helps to have the active streak sometimes when I'm finding it difficult to find stuff about myself to be happy about. Although I do understand it isn't healthy to pin your happiness on controlling an addiction that you have difficulty controlling. I guess I need to try and work on my self esteem as a side project to this. Easier said then done when it comes to that however.
 
Day 10

Barely had any urges to watch porn the past couple of days.
Trying to make sure I don't get curious about my libido and try to reignite my attraction to porn in an attempt to 'feel' something.
Watching porn doesn't feel like an option to choose right now. It's off the menu of activities to do when I'm bored and it's going to stay that way.

I'm feeling slightly more self assured right now. Adjusted my diet so I can stop over-eating for lunch. I'm trying to get rid of this layer of fat straddling my waist.
 

Fappy

Respected Member
Ten days is great. You’ve been in control this long so don’t fuck it up by doing anything dumb!
 

zackergeet

Active Member
Day 10

Barely had any urges to watch porn the past couple of days.
Trying to make sure I don't get curious about my libido and try to reignite my attraction to porn in an attempt to 'feel' something.
Watching porn doesn't feel like an option to choose right now. It's off the menu of activities to do when I'm bored and it's going to stay that way.

I'm feeling slightly more self assured right now. Adjusted my diet so I can stop over-eating for lunch. I'm trying to get rid of this layer of fat straddling my waist.
Awesome man! Keep it strong!
 
Thanks for the support guys. It means a lot!

Day 11

Made myself feel bad today because of my issues with social anxiety and the thought of porn to 'cheer myself up' popped into my head.
This was a big reason why I kept up PMO all these years. I've gotten better at recognising when I'm being unreasonably critical to myself, although I'm not 100% successful. This self persecution used to ruin my mood for a couple of days. I would retreat into my personal space and just do the good ol' P&M (Procrastinate and Masturbate). Nowadays, I can generally recover within a couple of hours now I realise everything I'm telling myself is all in my head.

Had minimal arousal again today. I'm not enjoying the flatline. It's difficult not to focus on your lack of libido.
No MW. Haven't had it for a few days now.

Just taking it one day at a time and reminding myself why I'm doing this.
 
Day 14

Had quite a few drinks with some friends last night and my guard dropped a little. Started fantasising about porn as I was going to sleep and got a boner for like 5 minutes. Once I realised what I was doing, I nipped it in the bud quickly.
I've been quite good at averting these thoughts and focusing on something else.
I think when you start allowing yourself to fantasise about porn scenarios, you're opening the door for porn to come back into your life again.
I also find it makes the urges to watch porn worse for the next few days, depending on how long you fantasised for.

Still going strong though. 2 weeks!
 
Day 15

Just spend 2 minutes googling porn sites in my browser because I'm not doing good today.
My porn blockers did their job and everything was blocked.

Feeling quite low and overwhelmed.
I know porn is bad for me but I still wanted to PMO.
Can't really be trusted to help myself right now and it's depressing.

Gonna go for a walk and clear my head.
I know these thoughts and subsequent feelings are momentary, but as always they feel ever-present at this very moment.
 

PeteSL

Member
I get the feeling man, especially in bad days the urges kick in with an overwhelming force…
But you did beat the urge before it materialized, and that is an empowering thought.
Keep it steady! walks and other physical activities are gonna help a lot!!
 
Thanks for you support @PeteSL

Day 17

It's been pretty smooth sailing since Day 15.
I am feeling quite lonely, but it's not really making me want to PMO.

I often think that because my social skills around girls aren't the best, having a wank seemed like the only way to sexually gratify myself.
Having sex didn't and still doesn't feel like a possibility for me.
As porn got better and more attractive, meeting girls irl and trying to get with them seemed so futile.

It's weird how a belief about yourself can be so powerful in determining your actions.
 

Lord Gohan

Member
Congrats on making it to 17 days, it can be difficult sometimes especially with all the temptations of the internet and social media. Don't let your current state of mind be permanent. There is always something we can do to improve where we currently are, just need to spend some time doing some research and apply what you learn. I used to be socially awkward and shy and wanted to be a bit more confident, I made some friends at uni who were confident and learned from watching them interact with others along with some reading and youtube research. Took me a year and a bit but now I work in sales and can hold a conversation with just about anyone, I still have my moments of being shy and awkward sometimes but its better than where I was when I started
 
Relapsed.

Looked for porn out of 'curiosity' to see if I could find it.
Well I found it and I now I feel really shitty.

If I moved out into woods, 50 miles away from any computer or phone, I probably still relapse on porn somehow.

Going to try and limit it to just the once and not the start of many shoulder shaking sessions.
 

PeteSL

Member
Keep it cool man, healthy critique is important, but not too much.
Take the opportunity to identify the cause, take note of your triggers, negative cues in the environment and then readjust.
Triggers can be anything. I’d say take heed of such rationalizations of the brain such as the “curiosity” that you mentioned. It throws everything at you in the form of such invasive thoughts.. and it always changes it up with something new..

Keep it strong and start fresh!
 
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