PeteSL
Member
Short version:
Pete, 28 PMO addict for 10+ years, escalated really bad the last 5 years. Developed a severe form of PIED, in which even P could not do the trick. Gradually developed social anxiety. Known about my problem for years, but been fooling myself. First attempt for real sex at 28 years old. Failed miserably. Immediately started no PMO. Had semi-successful penetrative sex on day 33 of no PMO. Other benefits of no PMO have started to emerge. Unknown in what status of flatline I’m in. Still a long way to go and quite many barriers to face, but I am optimistic for the long term future.
Long version:
Hello rebooters, this is Pete, 28 years old. Lurker in the forum for some time now, but I decided to share my story. I am a PMO addict, for at least 10 years. I consider myself to be a severe case, particularly because of a very bad escalation over the last years, and also addiction 10+ years before any real intercourse.
This is a summary of my PMO timeline:
Long version:
Hello rebooters, this is Pete, 28 years old. Lurker in the forum for some time now, but I decided to share my story. I am a PMO addict, for at least 10 years. I consider myself to be a severe case, particularly because of a very bad escalation over the last years, and also addiction 10+ years before any real intercourse.
This is a summary of my PMO timeline:
- Slight PMO habits 15 - 18y (2-3 times per week, up to 20 min/session, no highspeed internet P)
- Heavy PMO habits 18 - 22y (hello high speed internet P, bye bye MW, up to 1h sessions, every day, erections start getting worse, video game addiction comes in as well)
- Very heavy PMO habits 22-28 y (sessions up to 3h, edging every time, could not maintain erection during P use, PMO 4 times a day -even more sometimes-, every day of course, escalated to some really wrong stuff)
I had some light romantic experiences at 15-18 (making out etc), but no sex. In my teenage years I was reasonably popular and successful with girls, and it is the only kind of experience with real women I had up until age 28 (and the only part that helped when the time came for the real thing…). The escalating PMO killed my motivation for any kind of relationships over the years. This led to me being practically loveless for all my young adult years. Social anxiety kicked in hard, to the point I would have communication problems in simple activities like going to the store or being in public transportation. Problematic video game use did not help as well. To make things worse, a very toxic non-sexual relationship with a girl at 22-25 years old messed me up real bad. This led to severe depression and ruined self-confidence, and my worst PMO streaks, which I used to escape reality and vent off the really awful impression that I had formed for women due to my circumstances (escalation to some very bad P stuff here).
Amidst all this chaos that I caused to my life with PMO, I somehow managed to do pretty well on my studies. At 25y I landed a job that paid really well and presented great room for personal growth, however requiring immense amounts of effort, stress and time. That did not work well with my PMO problems. I would spend the couple of hours of daily free time that my job left me for PMO. Sleep, work, PMO, repeat. No time to even think of escaping this damn circle.
But the newfound status, success and not-so-horrible looks did draw the attention of women, so through a series of events that I cannot at this moment judge as bad or good luck, I tried to have sex for the first time at 28 years old, with a girl I liked for several months (let’s call her Mary). Well guess what PIED had to say about this... NO erection at all. All the passion and attraction I felt for her was there in my mind, but nothing translated to where it should have…
Mary was pretty cool about it though, but I know that it hurt her. It also confused the hell out of her, since I was otherwise pretty passionate with her. We continue to try, and I do give her pleasure through other means of sex, but it is very difficult for me to penetrate & orgasm. This causes her to feel guilt, since it feels like she uses me. We are attempting to find a balance in this relationship, and have many other unrelated problems, but the PIED definitely does not help.
Following these days, in which I feel devastated and defeated, I came to the realization that PMO is just not an option for me anymore. It is over. For the last years, I understood that P had become a problem for me. However, I misled myself to believe I would somehow get over this “with time”. It was all a fallacy. A trick played to me by my addicted brain to keep me fixed in this downward spiral. And it had to come to this for me to really get it.. Actually being with a girl and nothing working..
I have brought this on myself..
I am now at day 36 of no PMO, with one O in day 33. I still have a long way to go, given my 10 years of heavy addiction, and also being addicted so long before any real intimate relationship, but I have been noticing benefits.
Amidst all this chaos that I caused to my life with PMO, I somehow managed to do pretty well on my studies. At 25y I landed a job that paid really well and presented great room for personal growth, however requiring immense amounts of effort, stress and time. That did not work well with my PMO problems. I would spend the couple of hours of daily free time that my job left me for PMO. Sleep, work, PMO, repeat. No time to even think of escaping this damn circle.
But the newfound status, success and not-so-horrible looks did draw the attention of women, so through a series of events that I cannot at this moment judge as bad or good luck, I tried to have sex for the first time at 28 years old, with a girl I liked for several months (let’s call her Mary). Well guess what PIED had to say about this... NO erection at all. All the passion and attraction I felt for her was there in my mind, but nothing translated to where it should have…
Mary was pretty cool about it though, but I know that it hurt her. It also confused the hell out of her, since I was otherwise pretty passionate with her. We continue to try, and I do give her pleasure through other means of sex, but it is very difficult for me to penetrate & orgasm. This causes her to feel guilt, since it feels like she uses me. We are attempting to find a balance in this relationship, and have many other unrelated problems, but the PIED definitely does not help.
Following these days, in which I feel devastated and defeated, I came to the realization that PMO is just not an option for me anymore. It is over. For the last years, I understood that P had become a problem for me. However, I misled myself to believe I would somehow get over this “with time”. It was all a fallacy. A trick played to me by my addicted brain to keep me fixed in this downward spiral. And it had to come to this for me to really get it.. Actually being with a girl and nothing working..
I have brought this on myself..
I am now at day 36 of no PMO, with one O in day 33. I still have a long way to go, given my 10 years of heavy addiction, and also being addicted so long before any real intimate relationship, but I have been noticing benefits.
- After some more unsuccessful attempts at penetrative sex, the situation got a bit better. I did manage to penetrate for approx. 5 minutes. Not the best of erections but it did work, and also with a condom... It was a significant boost to my confidence and the whole sex experience was great that day. This happened on day 33 of no PMO. It may have been the longest erection I have maintained in 10 years… Yeah it has gotten that bad.. I have also opened up to Mary about the problems of P, and while it took some time for her to resonate with the whole topic, she seems to understand.
- Before starting the reboot, strong and lengthy erections were really out of the question, even during P use. Now, I can achieve an erection by touch alone, and even reach 100% though it is still difficult to maintain (a couple of minutes max). also, for it to happen I need to be touching myself veery slowly and in a specific way. Just a note: Since I know the questions for “is it PIED?” suggest trying non-P erections and if it succeeds, it is not PIED – I have tried exactly the same thing on full PMO mode, as well as 3 days PMO-free (my once longest streak), and it utterly failed. So, I believe it is my few days of reboot causing this change.
- Haven’t had MW for at least 13 years. And I mean ZERO MW, every day. For 3-4 days within the first 36 days of no PMO I had a solid 80 % MW. These actually came about since day 20ish, but I do not have them every day.
- Found motivation to spend my (still little) free time hitting the gym, and also completely cut off video games.
- I do have P flashbacks and urges, really severe at times. The fact that the prospect of real sex is possible really helps with addressing them. But it’s gonna be a real struggle if it goes bad with Mary, at least in the short term, since my psychology is gonna take a hit...
- Larger penis size in flaccid mode (happened from very early on – day 20ish- and has maintained since).
- Social anxiety has been reduced tremendously.
It is all still difficult for me, but I just try to maintain the thought that I have never actually known my real core self by bringing this P poison into my life. In doing the reboot it is like I am actually “holding on till my self arrives”. This is a thought that is a bit of a help to maintain my sanity (as weird as it sounds lol).
As of now, my situation seems to be getting better. Even thinking about a tiny bit of penetrative sex on as early as day 33 seemed like an impossibility on day 1, but abstaining from PMO has been an immense help. However, I might still not have hit the flatline, and all the withdrawal symptoms may be just waiting for me up ahead. I hope to be bringing good news in my journal updates.
I wish the best to all of you. Our bad luck and our even worse life choices have put us up with a uniquely sinister enemy. But we can beat this.
As of now, my situation seems to be getting better. Even thinking about a tiny bit of penetrative sex on as early as day 33 seemed like an impossibility on day 1, but abstaining from PMO has been an immense help. However, I might still not have hit the flatline, and all the withdrawal symptoms may be just waiting for me up ahead. I hope to be bringing good news in my journal updates.
I wish the best to all of you. Our bad luck and our even worse life choices have put us up with a uniquely sinister enemy. But we can beat this.