Passing day 200 - I can see the light

PKCowned

Member
Welcome brothers! I have made several posts over the course of the past 8 months detailing specific milestones in my recovery. The overall details of my starting point I have come to realize are not important, as we can all exhibit addictive and compulsive traits associated with PMO at differing usage stages and rates. What is important to understand is that I had desensitized myself from real world stimulus to the point where I could not achieve and then maintain an erection, even with the help of ED medicine. I had a warped view of sexuality, my tastes were progressing to more extreme material, and i viewed my now wife as an extension of my PMO, even despising her when she didn’t want to have sex with me at the drop of a hat.

Through therapy, abstinence and developing new and healthy thought and behavior patterns, I feel that I am almost completely healed. It has been 202 days.

I can now achieve and maintain an erection by the simple act of knowing I’m about to start foreplay, without the use of ED medication. My libido is alive, albeit much more controlled then when I was susceptible to compulsive PMO urges. I don’t fantasize about sex on purpose, but I do not look down on myself for doing so now. I do feel you should refrain from fantasy during your reboot.

I did not feel this way until about a month ago. Sex up until this point (day 150-190) would initiate a small and barely noticeable flatline that would dissipate after 48-72 hours. I believe there are two main flatlines in recovery. There is the one from weeks 2-8, which is your brain realizing it is undergoing change. When you think your first flatline is ending, it is just a trick to get you to use again. Months 3-6 are the real flatline. Your brain is going to do everything it it’s power at this point to make you use again. This is your breakthrough moment, because once you make it through this, you are finally ready to start practicing a healthy sex life.

abstinence does not equal recovery. The point of a reboot is to get your brain into a state where it is willing to transform and develop new, healthy feelings and attitudes towards sex and sexuality, and just life and hobbies and people in general. PMO robs you of your time and identity.

I will continue to add to this post, it ended up taking longer than my break at work, but i wanted to share with my brothers that recovery and rebooting do work, snd I feel I owe my life and sanity to this forum. Thank you all, and feel free to ask questions
 
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Background please. When did you start porn. How long, whats your age etc..
See what the OP wrote: "The overall details of my starting point I have come to realize are not important, as we can all exhibit addictive and compulsive traits associated with PMO at differing usage stages and rates"

I agree with this statement. Most people would probably have started in their mid-teens, myself included, but no matter how early you started or how long your life has been crippled by it, you can recover. Also, as the OP said, abstinence is not equal to recovery, but I believe it is a step in that direction.
 

PKCowned

Member
See what the OP wrote: "The overall details of my starting point I have come to realize are not important, as we can all exhibit addictive and compulsive traits associated with PMO at differing usage stages and rates"

I agree with this statement. Most people would probably have started in their mid-teens, myself included, but no matter how early you started or how long your life has been crippled by it, you can recover. Also, as the OP said, abstinence is not equal to recovery, but I believe it is a step in that direction.
Yup! I feel we all are pretty much the same in regards to how we started and our upbringing - mid teens, decent home that had a computer we could use, lots of free time.

And yes, abstinence is definitely the first and hardest step. But the idea is that through abstinence you begin to discover how much free time you have, how much you waste and the different things you put off working on in your life because it was easier to cope with PMO. A person who is rebooting properly isn’t actually focused on their recovery or counting days because they know eventually that they will recover, but also that in order to recover, you have to replace your old thoughts and habits with new constructive and useful ones. So this person properly rebooting is focused on activities, habits and people that are more in tune with what their healthy mind would be doing and interacting with.

I’ll give an example, I used to produce music in my late teens and early 20s and eventually got to the point where I was regularly opening for touring artists, and even got an opportunity to go on a small tour. But as my usage intensified in my late 20s, I would spend more and more time abusing PMO, and 5 hours I could have used to produce would be spent usually 1/2 hours PMO, then another hour or two in a brain fog. At the end of that night I would be frustrated and maybe produce music, or just give up entirely - exacerbating my stress and prolonging this cycle until I realized I had been doing this for literal YEARS. I am 32 now, and while I have started in a healthy routine, I wouldn’t be able to stick with this if I continued to PMO. Now think of all the things you could have done basically but instead decided to PMO, over sometimes a decade or more. It’s not pretty… but it can be overcome.

A proper reboot allows you to begin to spend time on yourself doing constructive things you have replaced with PMO, whatever that may be for the individual, so therefor you must work on yourself in order for the reboot to even progress beyond the first stage.
 

Cmax

Member
Welcome brothers! I have made several posts over the course of the past 8 months detailing specific milestones in my recovery. The overall details of my starting point I have come to realize are not important, as we can all exhibit addictive and compulsive traits associated with PMO at differing usage stages and rates. What is important to understand is that I had desensitized myself from real world stimulus to the point where I could not achieve and then maintain an erection, even with the help of ED medicine. I had a warped view of sexuality, my tastes were progressing to more extreme material, and i viewed my now wife as an extension of my PMO, even despising her when she didn’t want to have sex with me at the drop of a hat.

Through therapy, abstinence and developing new and healthy thought and behavior patterns, I feel that I am almost completely healed. It has been 202 days.

I can now achieve and maintain an erection by the simple act of knowing I’m about to start foreplay, without the use of ED medication. My libido is alive, albeit much more controlled then when I was susceptible to compulsive PMO urges. I don’t fantasize about sex on purpose, but I do not look down on myself for doing so now. I do feel you should refrain from fantasy during your reboot.

I did not feel this way until about a month ago. Sex up until this point (day 150-190) would initiate a small and barely noticeable flatline that would dissipate after 48-72 hours. I believe there are two main flatlines in recovery. There is the one from weeks 2-8, which is your brain realizing it is undergoing change. When you think your first flatline is ending, it is just a trick to get you to use again. Months 3-6 are the real flatline. Your brain is going to do everything it it’s power at this point to make you use again. This is your breakthrough moment, because once you make it through this, you are finally ready to start practicing a healthy sex life.

abstinence does not equal recovery. The point of a reboot is to get your brain into a state where it is willing to transform and develop new, healthy feelings and attitudes towards sex and sexuality, and just life and hobbies and people in general. PMO robs you of your time and identity.

I will continue to add to this post, it ended up taking longer than my break at work, but i wanted to share with my brothers that recovery and rebooting do work, snd I feel I owe my life and sanity to this forum. Thank you all, and feel free to ask questions
Great post and so true.....day 54 for me!
 
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