Artemus
Active Member
Day 12, quiet this morning. I did notice yesterday some old habits trying to set in. I'm sure this is common to every man, but from the time I realized I wanted to see what the lady's were hiding in their shirts, I also began a sort of sexual evaluation of nearly every woman I came across. So for decades, no matter where and pretty much no matter who, I'd visually/mentally scrutinize every female as to how appealing I thought they were and which areas were the most stunning and then mentally give them a score, like in the Olympics. Well yesterday late I went out to the grocery for a few items and caught myself starting to evaluate a few lady's. As soon as i realized what I was doing I stopped and focused on my task of choosing items. Its amazing just how entrenched and how much, "LUST", has dominated our minds. I guess that's really the bottom line, its not P or M or O as the root, its seeing women as lustful objects and not, wives, mothers, daughters or sisters, just sexual targets. I guess this is why P-subs are an issue as well, because even without nudity or suggestive behavior, its how we look at them that matters.
Now having said that men are visually attracted to women, naturally so, but when we make it into a visual sexual buffet for ourselves, then its wrong. Now I understand more what Christ meant when he said, "He who looks at a woman with lust in his heart has in fact already slept with her." Which is true, proven by the science around porn addiction, the brain can't tell the difference between actual physical sex and images of sex we gratify ourselves to. Which means, every woman we've ever looked at luridly, watched videos of, and all the fantasies we've gotten off to, we've slept with. So we may be safe from disease and unwanted pregnancy, but we've paid a price in other areas. Good grief, for me that must be thousands after 40+ years.
On a side note, when I was still active, I usually tended to stay to certain performers mostly. Sadly through out the years there have been a few in my stable of fav's that I would discover too late they had died. It would hit me extra hard, because here I was getting my jollies and they had died months before and I hadn't found out about it. I never went back once I knew they'd past, but knowing I'd found pleasure that way was disgusting to me, like some odd form of accidental necrophilia. Looking back its further proof what I've been doing is wrong, because had they been a person I was in an actual relationship with I would've known of their passing and not been trying to mount them. Instead because they were nothing more than an object to me, that I didn't know, I had continued using and abusing their image. How terribly sad an disgusting is that? I guess its about as disrespectful as going to their grave and wanking over it.
I'm sorry I know that was a harsh paragraph, but its important to me to have an honest perspective and not to down play my behavior. I rationalized things for years and I have a lot of confessing and repenting still yet to come I imagine. Let's crack on!
012
Now having said that men are visually attracted to women, naturally so, but when we make it into a visual sexual buffet for ourselves, then its wrong. Now I understand more what Christ meant when he said, "He who looks at a woman with lust in his heart has in fact already slept with her." Which is true, proven by the science around porn addiction, the brain can't tell the difference between actual physical sex and images of sex we gratify ourselves to. Which means, every woman we've ever looked at luridly, watched videos of, and all the fantasies we've gotten off to, we've slept with. So we may be safe from disease and unwanted pregnancy, but we've paid a price in other areas. Good grief, for me that must be thousands after 40+ years.
On a side note, when I was still active, I usually tended to stay to certain performers mostly. Sadly through out the years there have been a few in my stable of fav's that I would discover too late they had died. It would hit me extra hard, because here I was getting my jollies and they had died months before and I hadn't found out about it. I never went back once I knew they'd past, but knowing I'd found pleasure that way was disgusting to me, like some odd form of accidental necrophilia. Looking back its further proof what I've been doing is wrong, because had they been a person I was in an actual relationship with I would've known of their passing and not been trying to mount them. Instead because they were nothing more than an object to me, that I didn't know, I had continued using and abusing their image. How terribly sad an disgusting is that? I guess its about as disrespectful as going to their grave and wanking over it.
I'm sorry I know that was a harsh paragraph, but its important to me to have an honest perspective and not to down play my behavior. I rationalized things for years and I have a lot of confessing and repenting still yet to come I imagine. Let's crack on!
012
