I am so ....
Tired
Stressed
Under Pressure
Angry
Frustrated
Lonely
PMO is so far from my mind right now, that it seems alien. When I was younger and single I had many friends and I miss that. Not to say I regret my wife, I don't, she's perfect, but lately I feel like I'm at the end of the line. What I mean is it seems everyone else has someone they can share their stress and problems with and I'm that someone for everybody else. When I turn around to share my load no one is there. My wife's job is a stress bomb ratcheting up, bit by bit. She calls me multiple times a day to tell me she's ready to walk out, which financially would be death... Whats even more maddening is she just got the raise she deserves and that we need and now wants to walk out. This has played out so many times over the years I'm kinda tired of it, we finally begin to turn a corner on our finances and she folds up like a cheap suit and quits. Its always something, the hours, the schedule, the coworkers, the benefits, the pay and on and on.
Add in my parents who are vax devotees and bugging me to take the poison dart, not to mention they live in an area that is in serious decline. When they bought their house in 1966 it was a new home in the suburbs outside Atlanta, now its more or less a ghetto and all the neighbors we had for decades are all gone, the last 2 are moving into assisted living this Friday. I've tried to get them to move closer to me, back to their home town where I live so I can take better care of them as they need. I'm also concerned about upcoming supply disruptions on food and medicines and fuel because where they live it may get to be, "Dog eat dog" and that's no place for an 80+ year old. My father is incapable of even discussing the upcoming economic realities and instead elects to hide in his room surrounded by junk mail he claims are valuable. He called yesterday to let me know he bought me a raincoat and a pocket knife... He just can't fathom where we are and whats happening, much less that its being done on purpose. They both have pinned "ALL" their hopes on getting Trump re-elected in 2024, but I know we can't wait that long and its past time to get serious and prepare. I expect much worse as out tyrannical regime intends to take our jobs and ability to bank and travel unless we concede to their poison dart, regardless that the FDA boards voted against giving anyone the shot, much less any boosters. Now the CDC is getting in on the attack and declaring firearms a health crisis.
War it seems has arrived, not from some foreign power or some outlandish fundamentalist terrorist group, but from inside our own government and carried out by companies and financial institutions and three letter agencies setup to protect the public we've long trusted are now all at our throats. Did I miss anyone? Perhaps, every morning brings a new assault aimed at utter destruction. I know God is in control, but its difficult to remain calm as the Maelstrom screams and rages. The doors and windows rattle, the winds howl and I vacillate between struggling to hold the doors closed with all my might or just letting go and being over run. I still can't believe just how evil these people really are, so devoid of empathy and care. Just lies on top of lies followed by murder, betrayal and theft. On some occasions I actually fear what awaits these people at judgement. Then at other times I find myself having violent fantasies, things I never thought I could feel, but I do. Where did the country go I so loved and was proud of? Why do they so want to destroy everything, have they not gotten rich raping her time and again?
I'm just venting...