I'm a porn addict (by far the crappiest, lamest addiction ever)

[Fappy]

quite the streak youve got going! now, dont fuck it up by looking at porn and dont get complacent either.

 

[forceisstrong2]

quite the streak youve got going! now, dont fuck it up by looking at porn and dont get complacent either.

thanks for those sage words fappy. i got complacent a couple of week ago and it sent me down a porn rabbit-hole. i've learnt a lesson from that i hope.

"Un-fuck your life, quit porn now! Today!" - that might just be my new motto in life.

Thanks again!

 

[forceisstrong2]

Greetings...

It's been three weeks now since I've quitted porn/not relapsed. As Fappy so wisely said above, I must not get complacent or cocky and fuck it up by looking at porn. There're a couple of things I've discovered about myself in this journey that I thought I'd share.

One, it's a lot, lot easier to quit porn if you avoid all triggers (checking out hot girls on instagram/whatever) which feeds the porn addict side of the brain and keeps it strong. Avoid triggers and it gets a lot easier, at least for me. Also, an added and unexpected bonus is that the "porn fog" in the brain starts to lift. Feeding constantly the monster/addict side of my brain turns my brain into mush. Without it, the brain's sharper, more focused.

Two, fantasying about porn/playing back my favourite scenes back in my mind is also a trigger. And it's an even more sneakier and powerful trigger than looking at images on instagram, etc. It led me back to porn countless times in the past. This time though, thanks to my new daily meditation practice, I'm able to recognize this fantasying as just a thought in my mind and I'm able to let it go. Taking back control of your mind and making it healthy once again is key to quitting for good, I believe.

That's it. One more week without this lame-ass bullshit and that'll a fucking good month.

Onwards...

 

[Readytoreboot]

Thanks for sharing your journey and Great job on making it to 3 weeks! Its encouraging and inspirational to hear because I haven't been able to do that for months now and Ive come back to this forum because I realize I cant kick this habit on my own. I can relate to a lot of the triggers that you mention and Im going to apply some of your tips to help me get past this first week of rebooting. Keep up the good work and keep going strong.

 

[forceisstrong2]

Thanks for sharing your journey and Great job on making it to 3 weeks! Its encouraging and inspirational to hear because I haven't been able to do that for months now and Ive come back to this forum because I realize I cant kick this habit on my own. I can relate to a lot of the triggers that you mention and Im going to apply some of your tips to help me get past this first week of rebooting. Keep up the good work and keep going strong.

Hey!

Glad my own experiences are encouraging and inspiring to you. I've struggling with this for far too long. But joining this forum has been a real help and also admitting that my willpower is not enough. I've discovered that I needed to develop better strategies to fight this. Ultimately I need to lead a better, fuller live. Cure that empty part within me that is leading me down the porn rabbit hole.

Also, I use a Sam Harris's "Waking Up" meditation app. There is a paid version and free version. Join the free version. It's really good as it combines theory and practice. It's a really good app, really gets the mind focus and thinking clearly.

Best of luck, let me know how you get on this week and stay strong too!!!

 

[forceisstrong2]

Not that porn addiction is funny, but the blatant honesty of your journal title made me laugh. Indeed, the crappiest, lamest addiction ever. Congrats on three weeks!

Thanks. I really appreciate your kind words. It really is the crappiest, lamest addiction ever. I mean, it is socially acceptable these days to say that one is an alcoholic or has a gambling addiction or whatever, but I don't think it'll be ever socially acceptable to say, "Hey, I can't be left alone with your laptop right now as I'm a recovering porn addict." People will want to quickly get the hell away from you!

It is horrible, but I think making fun of it robs it of its power too.

Take it easy and stay strong, buddy!

 

[Fappy]

Thanks. I really appreciate your kind words. It really is the crappiest, lamest addiction ever. I mean, it is socially acceptable these days to say that one is an alcoholic or has a gambling addiction or whatever, but I don't think it'll be ever socially acceptable to say, "Hey, I can't be left alone with your laptop right now as I'm a recovering porn addict." People will want to quickly get the hell away from you!

It is horrible, but I think making fun of it robs it of its power too.

Take it easy and stay strong, buddy!

Yeah exactly. Of all the addictions this one has got to be one of the most pathetic. And the imagery it conjures up in the minds of those you tell it to.

"Sooo.. this guy couldnt help jerking off to porn... Im not sure i want him around my kids..."
or
"Wait, thats the guy who compulsively fapped to porn at any chance he could get... maybe i WONT help him move house..."
or
"Hey buddy! Can I use your computer real quick?....Oh.... its you... on second thoughts, no... Im good..."
or
"Quick here he comes! Hide all your internet accessible devices! You know what hes like!"

 

[forceisstrong2]

One more week and I'll have watched no porn in a month. The beginning of this week has been surprisingly tough. My brain is constantly in a state of agitation and is trying to justify/rationalize why I should watch a "little bit" of porn. Thankfully, red flashing warning signals are also going off in my head, telling me to beware of such thinking. It's only my brain messing with me. I'll continue to stay strong and get through these thoughts.

Along with daily meditation and avoiding triggers, looking back at what I've written on this forum in the past does help me a lot. Seeing what I wrote a couple of weeks ago after I relapsed makes me realize that it's the addict part of my brain that's now trying to mess with me. Reading back those earlier posts reminds me too just how bad porn has affected my mental health, my spiritual well being, my life.

I don't plan to ever be back at that dark, depressing, loathsome place. I've one life and I plan to make the most of it.

Onwards...

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

One more week and I'll have watched no porn in a month. The beginning of this week has been surprisingly tough. My brain is constantly in a state of agitation and is trying to justify/rationalize why I should watch a "little bit" of porn. Thankfully, red flashing warning signals are also going off in my head, telling me to beware of such thinking. It's only my brain messing with me. I'll continue to stay strong and get through these thoughts.

Along with daily meditation and avoiding triggers, looking back at what I've written on this forum in the past does help me a lot. Seeing what I wrote a couple of weeks ago after I relapsed makes me realize that it's the addict part of my brain that's now trying to mess with me. Reading back those earlier posts reminds me too just how bad porn has affected my mental health, my spiritual well being, my life.

I don't plan to ever be back at that dark, depressing, loathsome place. I've one life and I plan to make the most of it.

Onwards...

That's it!

The addicted brain will try to find anything to get dopamine from you but only you can give it dopamine, the addicted brain by itself can't get that dopamine without your intervention. Sometimes I tend to forget this.

"A little bit" leads to "a lot more". Once the dopamine gets going by messing with porn, it's asks for more. There is never enough porn to satisfy us, there is never enough, there is no limit of satiety where we can stop. What happens to me is that I start with the "least damaging" element of my porn world, telling myself that I'm not "there yet", it's not the hardest thing I watch yet. But then slowly and surely I get there. Not touching porn is the safest and quickest way to quit, guaranteed, but it will not be a pleasant experience, nobody escapes porn addiction without a level of suffering. One month is a great start. Every win starts with the first minute of playing.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Yeah exactly. Of all the addictions this one has got to be one of the most pathetic. And the imagery it conjures up in the minds of those you tell it to.

"Sooo.. this guy couldnt help jerking off to porn... Im not sure i want him around my kids..."
or
"Wait, thats the guy who compulsively fapped to porn at any chance he could get... maybe i WONT help him move house..."
or
"Hey buddy! Can I use your computer real quick?....Oh.... its you... on second thoughts, no... Im good..."
or
"Quick here he comes! Hide all your internet accessible devices! You know what hes like!"

I know how this goes. The image of an individual, who is at the age where he should be a man, sitting in front of his computer in the dark edging to porn, is a very sad show. Maybe a pathetic show for some people, if they get to enter in the room and see the guy. Or me, cause I'm a guy like that now. I'm 30 and I edge in the dark with my dick in my hand and then I go out and I am mediocre as if I haven't grown up a bit in 20 years. I swear, porn fucked up my mental health, it halted my growth (not in height) and it even fucked up my memory of past events. But there is a solution and the solution is to take the chains off.

 

[forceisstrong2]

That's it!

The addicted brain will try to find anything to get dopamine from you but only you can give it dopamine, the addicted brain by itself can't get that dopamine without your intervention. Sometimes I tend to forget this.

"A little bit" leads to "a lot more". Once the dopamine gets going by messing with porn, it's asks for more. There is never enough porn to satisfy us, there is never enough, there is no limit of satiety where we can stop. What happens to me is that I start with the "least damaging" element of my porn world, telling myself that I'm not "there yet", it's not the hardest thing I watch yet. But then slowly and surely I get there. Not touching porn is the safest and quickest way to quit, guaranteed, but it will not be a pleasant experience, nobody escapes porn addiction without a level of suffering. One month is a great start. Every win starts with the first minute of playing.

I hear you, Escape... "a little bit does lead to more." What you describe, I know it well...

And there is for sure a level of suffering that we all have to go through in order to quit this bullshit, but I think there can be a lot less suffering if we can get our mind into good shape, get it healthy and avoid like the plague triggers.

Everyday now, I meditate, listen to interesting podcasts, read and exercise in my spare time. In the past, I'd have mindlessly web surfed and that would have led me to checking out hot chicks online which then would have led to porn. I've cut that out now. Indeed, avoiding all triggers is key, least for me. Fantasying in your mind about porn is a trigger too. It's important to recognize these thoughts for what they are - just thoughts. We can control them and eventually they will pass. And life, as you know, will be a hell of a lot better on the other side.

Willpower isn't enough. Porn addiction erases our willpower anyway. We all have to develop strategies to help our willpower and stop the cycle.

Keep fighting the good fight, bro....

 

[Fappy]

I know how this goes. The image of an individual, who is at the age where he should be a man, sitting in front of his computer in the dark edging to porn, is a very sad show. Maybe a pathetic show for some people, if they get to enter in the room and see the guy. Or me, cause I'm a guy like that now. I'm 30 and I edge in the dark with my dick in my hand and then I go out and I am mediocre as if I haven't grown up a bit in 20 years. I swear, porn fucked up my mental health, it halted my growth (not in height) and it even fucked up my memory of past events. But there is a solution and the solution is to take the chains off.

i couldnt agree more

 

[forceisstrong2]

I was struggling today a lot. I was reaaallyyy tempted to just fuck it all and find a way to break out and watch porn...

But...

It didn't. Instead, I meditated for half an hour when I came home from work and since meditating I feel great. My mind is clear, sharp and is no longer thinking or dwelling upon destructive bullshit thoughts.

I'm really fucking happy with myself.

Have a good porn-free day everyone!

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

I was struggling today a lot. I was reaaallyyy tempted to just fuck it all and find a way to break out and watch porn...

But...

It didn't. Instead, I meditated for half an hour when I came home from work and since meditating I feel great. My mind is clear, sharp and is no longer thinking or dwelling upon destructive bullshit thoughts.

I'm really fucking happy with myself.

Have a good porn-free day everyone!

Good, man! You dismissed porn. Porn is useless if we don't do anything. We have the last choice. It might not look like it but in the heat of the moment we choose to watch or not to watch.

 

[forceisstrong2]

Good, man! You dismissed porn. Porn is useless if we don't do anything. We have the last choice. It might not look like it but in the heat of the moment we choose to watch or not to watch.

Hey escape,

Thanks man! Yeah, I agree we all get to choose. Unfucking my mind - getting it clean and healthy and thinking straight - is the best way for me to stay off this shit in my humble opinion.

Also, I have sneakily taken some precautions in case my porn-monkey brain tries to outfox/outwit (which he's very capable of doing). I have it set-up that I can't watch porn on my computer/smartphone and I've also set-it up that I can only browse the internet at certain time of the day (I'm blocked late at night). Also, I sabotaged an old ipad (threw out the recharging cable) that was laying around my house that neither me nor my girl uses, but that I could plausible use for porn if my monkey fuck brain, clever fucker that he is, does break out of his banana box. All of this seems pretty fucking extreme I know, but the way I see it a drug addict can't continue to hang out with his old mates when he goes clean.

Four more days and I'll be a month clean. Still a long way to go in this journey. I still get agitated. I'm still not as focused as I used to be. I still feel like I've living in a bit of a brain fog. But I do feel like I've turned a corner. I do feel healthier. More like my old self.

Hope everyone has a good porn-free day...

 

[forceisstrong2]

One month porn free. The biggest change is my mind. I do feel like the brain fog is starting to lift. I'm feeling more focused, more in tune with the world around me, less anxious and not as angry either.

My next goal is to do another month. Another thirty days. Doesn't sound that hard.

Hope everyone is having a good day...

 

[forceisstrong2]

Still going strong... didn't even think about porn today. Hopefully this is a good sign

 

[forceisstrong2]

I was going about my business today when my brain starting justifying to itself why I should watch "just a little bit" of porn. Like it would be no big deal. Now that I've been porn-free for a month, it argued, a little porn would be no harm whatsoever. I'll be able to control it now, bla, bla.

The part of me that is a porn addict is one conniving, lying motherfucker.

Anyway... the thoughts went away after a while. I've not meditated as much as I'd have liked to the past few days. I'm gonna get on that asap.

Hope everyone is staying strong and doing good!

 

[96LostWanderer]

I was going about my business today when my brain starting justifying to itself why I should watch "just a little bit" of porn. Like it would be no big deal. Now that I've been porn-free for a month, it argued, a little porn would be no harm whatsoever. I'll be able to control it now, bla, bla.

The part of me that is a porn addict is one conniving, lying motherfucker.

Anyway... the thoughts went away after a while. I've not meditated as much as I'd have liked to the past few days. I'm gonna get on that asap.

Hope everyone is staying strong and doing good!

The addict in your head will always come up with excuses to trick you but if you can recognise them and let them pass, it sounds like you’re doing great. Keep it up!

 

[Orbiter]

Force, you're killing it! Your continuing journey is inspiring to read. That meditation, even for just a few minutes, can make such a positive difference in handling urges, refocusing and...well...living.

Which reminds me, I still have to do mine this morning!

Keep up the great work Force!