I'm a porn addict (by far the crappiest, lamest addiction ever)

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Go get 'em Force!!
Thanks Orbitor, hope you are doing well buddy!!!

So...

I haven't posted for a while. I haven't watched porn for over a month now, which is good news.

I had a two-month streak last year. I then relapsed and was back at square one. But, now, even after being away from porn for a month, I've noticed positive changes again. I'm more confidence, more present in the moment.

Every day I meditate to stay focused and present. I have also found visualization techniques to be very useful as well. It is basically imagining my dreams and goals. My ulimate aim isn't only to stay off porn for good, but also to build a happier, fuller life for myself.

I'll try to post more often as I think the process of keeping a diary really helps me in this journey.

Best of luck everyone,

Force
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Day 4...

I haven't written in two weeks. I've not been doing so well. Basically, every weekend I've been relapsing. I'm super pissed with myself. Especially knowing that I'm back to square one.

I'm just going to take it one day at a time. My aim is to stay stay off porn for Feb. Get my life and mental health back on track. I think this forum/group helps me with that so I'm going to start posting more regularly.

Okay, day four...
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Never forget that there is always a way out, even if it seems impossible. I'm speaking from my own experience, I am the "serial relapser", that type of guy who relapsed himself to death and longer streaks seemed accidental. But what I've learned is that quitting this addiction involves (just my findings, this is not a definitive, complete list):

1) A core
This is keeping the dopamine of porn to the lowest possible. It's the way porn addiction actually works, at the most basic level: We feed the addicted beast with the dopamine of porn. How is this dopamine of porn created? By watching porn and thinking about porn. Necessary are zero visual porn used and avoiding to think about porn or engage the porn thoughts and flashbacks/fantasies. <- This, being the core, it's crucial. We could be doing absolutely great in all aspects of our lives but playing too much with the porn from our head will eventually lead us back to watching porn. The same with peaking and "a little bit is not too much to cause damage, I can handle it, I will stop there."

2) What we add on top of the core
Here we can basically include whatever helps us like disrupting the repetitive, habitual and ritualistic nature of the addiction, working out, getting involved in something, socializing more, going back to study, building new habits, changing our lives, keeping the phone away from our room, moving the computer somewhere else, rearranging the structure of our room, meditation, practicing mindfulness etc.

3) Accepting and preparing
Accepting that the quitting process might suck big time. We might need to deal with massive urges, craving porn so much that it makes us feel like a crackhead, feeling of low and craving stimulation, higher anxiety, flatline, trouble sleeping, mood swings, extreme irritability (everything and everybody is getting on your nerves for no reason), -insert here whatever else-. One could experience all of them or some of them. But some seem to be common with all of us. We need to prepare mentally for all this.

4) Giving up things that interfere with quitting porn
This could be temporarily or permanently. Stuff like quitting alcohol, caffeine (in my case), masturbation, maybe even sex. Most of them should be only temporarily, I can't think of something we must completely give up in order to stick to the recovery. Of course there is one: Porn. The joke aside, of course I'm talking at this point about non-porn things that interfere with the recovery. I have to stay away from alcohol (and I have a drinking problem), I have to stay away from caffeine because, for some reason, it makes me have higher urges, I have to stay away from other libido stimulants like ginseng, and I love that thing, it gives me good energy and great mood but at the same time mad urges for porn. I have to stay away from masturbation.

I don't know what else to write. But what I want to say is that there is actually a plan that we can create and make it work. I was hopeless, buried alive, suicidal, with no idea what to do until I figure out those 4 points. Now it's a matter of actually being serious about them and sticking to them. And like that, a serial relapser like me will escape the slavery. You can do it too. It could be accomplished only breaking everything down to the smallest time molecule. Not even one day at a time, but one second at a time. Setting a goal like "I will go the whole April without porn" is great to have but thinking too much about a long streak, when your best is 1 week (not talking about you, just for the sake of example, but I was there), could feel really scary. Like Phineas likes to say: Set it and forget it. (Paraphrasing). Choose the goal (The whole April without porn <- Just an example) and then focus on second by second.

You got this, man!
 
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forceisstrong2

Active Member
Hey Escape,

I really
Never forget that there is always a way out, even if it seems impossible. I'm speaking from my own experience, I am the "serial relapser", that type of guy who relapsed himself to death and longer streaks seemed accidental. But what I've learned is that quitting this addiction involves (just my findings, this is not a definitive, complete list):

1) A core
This is keeping the dopamine of porn to the lowest possible. It's the way porn addiction actually works, at the most basic level: We feed the addicted beast with the dopamine of porn. How is this dopamine of porn created? By watching porn and thinking about porn. Necessary are zero visual porn used and avoiding to think about porn or engage the porn thoughts and flashbacks/fantasies. <- This, being the core, it's crucial. We could be doing absolutely great in all aspects of our lives but playing too much with the porn from our head will eventually lead us back to watching porn. The same with peaking and "a little bit is not too much to cause damage, I can handle it, I will stop there."

2) What we add on top of the core
Here we can basically include whatever helps us like disrupting the repetitive, habitual and ritualistic nature of the addiction, working out, getting involved in something, socializing more, going back to study, building new habits, changing our lives, keeping the phone away from our room, moving the computer somewhere else, rearranging the structure of our room, meditation, practicing mindfulness etc.

3) Accepting and preparing
Accepting that the quitting process might suck big time. We might need to deal with massive urges, craving porn so much that it makes us feel like a crackhead, feeling of low and craving stimulation, higher anxiety, flatline, trouble sleeping, mood swings, extreme irritability (everything and everybody is getting on your nerves for no reason), -insert here whatever else-. One could experience all of them or some of them. But some seem to be common with all of us. We need to prepare mentally for all this.

4) Giving up things that interfere with quitting porn
This could be temporarily or permanently. Stuff like quitting alcohol, caffeine (in my case), masturbation, maybe even sex. Most of them should be only temporarily, I can't think of something we must completely give up in order to stick to the recovery. Of course there is one: Porn. The joke aside, of course I'm talking at this point about non-porn things that interfere with the recovery. I have to stay away from alcohol (and I have a drinking problem), I have to stay away from caffeine because, for some reason, it makes me have higher urges, I have to stay away from other libido stimulants like ginseng, and I love that thing, it gives me good energy and great mood but at the same time mad urges for porn. I have to stay away from masturbation.

I don't know what else to write. But what I want to say is that there is actually a plan that we can create and make it work. I was hopeless, buried alive, suicidal, with no idea what to do until I figure out those 4 points. Now it's a matter of actually being serious about them and sticking to them. And like that, a serial relapser like me will escape the slavery. You can do it too. It could be accomplished only breaking everything down to the smallest time molecule. Not even one day at a time, but one second at a time. Setting a goal like "I will go the whole April without porn" is great to have but thinking too much about a long streak, when your best is 1 week (not talking about you, just for the sake of example, but I was there), could feel really scary. Like Phineas likes to say: Set it and forget it. (Paraphrasing). Choose the goal (The whole April without porn <- Just an example) and then focus on second by second.

You got this, man!
Hey Escape,

I really, really appreciate your kind words and great advice. I'm gonna do everything you say basically. Thanks

So my plan is to write everyday on this forum, chart my progress and my journey on the road to recovering from this bullshit. I did it last year for two months. I aim to do it permentanly this time.

Starting with this week. Thanks for the support.

Day 2...
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Day 3

My aim is simple this week. No porn. No triggers either. No looking at hot chicks on google, etc.

I'm going to quit this bullshit. It depresses the shit out of me. Also, it makes me into a guy I'm not. It kind of scrambles my brain. Makes me more of a loner, makes me more anxious and a lot more fucked up. I think this forum is useful as it reminds me of my goals/why I have to quit this bullshit.

It's good too knowing other people are struggling with this bullshit addiction too and that there is help out there and that we can break the relapse cycle and live healthier, better lives.

That's my goal here. Thanks for reading...
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Day 4

I'm staying away from all triggers. Also, I write a journal first thing in the morning. It helps to get my head right for the day. I'm also meditating. All of this is at least making me happier and more grounded. I know that in the coming days this is going to start getting a lot harder, but for now at least things aren't too bad. I usually relapse at around day 7 to 10. This time I'm going to be prepared for it.

I can do this...
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Day 5...

So far so good. Doing meditation late at night (that's when I usually say fuck it and watch porn). Doing meditation helps with the head, makes one more positive, strenghtens the mind, makes the mind feel healthier. It really does help with this...

Also, I journal every morning. It helps too. It helps to organise ones thoughts and goals.

Okay, another day down...
 

Onmyway19

Active Member
Day 5...

So far so good. Doing meditation late at night (that's when I usually say fuck it and watch porn). Doing meditation helps with the head, makes one more positive, strenghtens the mind, makes the mind feel healthier. It really does help with this...

Also, I journal every morning. It helps too. It helps to organise ones thoughts and goals.

Okay, another day down...
Doing great. Keep it up
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Doing great. Keep it up
Thanks Onmyway, I appreciate your kind and positive words.

Weekends are usually when I relapse. So I'm going to take some precautions this weekend. No alcohol for one thing. A lot of positive energy. Meditation. Good mental state.

I'm gonna do something social/something fun this weekend. Any ideas?

Day 6 is down.
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Okay, fucked up in the weekend and relapsed. Shit. But I'm gonna figure out a way to beat this fucking thing so help me god.

Day 2
 

Orbiter

Well-Known Member
Hey Force,

I feel your pain on this one! I also seem to regularly struggle with the weekends.

There's clearly some habit mechanism behind this that always or often leads to PMOing on the weekend. A couple of questions that may or may not shed some light on this spring to mind.

* Are you drinking/partying a lot on the weekends? This can be social or otherwise?
* Is your meditation & general self-care routine the same on the weekends or is it different?
* Is there a particular time during the weekend, a place, or a situation where you usually PMO?
* What's the internal dialogue in your head leading up to the PMO? How are you often feeling leading up to it?

I'm still trying to 'crack the code' on this one myself but if the weekends are a particularly bad time. Understanding the why & how of it and then finding ways to disrupt the particular pattern of behaviour is the way out of this.

Keep up the great work Force!
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Hey Force,

I feel your pain on this one! I also seem to regularly struggle with the weekends.

There's clearly some habit mechanism behind this that always or often leads to PMOing on the weekend. A couple of questions that may or may not shed some light on this spring to mind.

* Are you drinking/partying a lot on the weekends? This can be social or otherwise?
* Is your meditation & general self-care routine the same on the weekends or is it different?
* Is there a particular time during the weekend, a place, or a situation where you usually PMO?
* What's the internal dialogue in your head leading up to the PMO? How are you often feeling leading up to it?

I'm still trying to 'crack the code' on this one myself but if the weekends are a particularly bad time. Understanding the why & how of it and then finding ways to disrupt the particular pattern of behaviour is the way out of this.

Keep up the great work Force!
Hey Orbiter, how are you getting on, buddy?

Thanks for this. It's really good. Yeah, I suppose if I'm being honest with myself by the weekend I'm kinda spent and I've all of this pent up energy and my mind begins to justifying - you know, just one image, etc. Alcohol is a problem too.

I do have a plan for this weekend. It's called stay the fuck away from my computer. I plan to go hiking. Also, there is this internet blocking program which I'm gonna try this weekend on my computer. Yeah, pretty fucking extreme I know, but fuck it... I need to stay off this bullshit. The first two weeks are the hardest. Gotta get through these two weeks/weekends.

Keep up the great work too, Orbitor. And keep believing in this journey.
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Hey,

I haven't been on this forum in a while. I gave up porn for about a month during June. Last weekend, I relapsed, three day binge. I was very annoyed with myself afterwards. I'm on the road to recovery now, hopefully on the right path.

I have a simple goal at present. For the rest of this month, stay the fuck away from porn. Keep myself healthy by exercising, meditating, etc.

Whenever I have free time, I will post here. This forum really helps. Wishing everyone the best and stay strong.

Force
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Okay.

Another day down. All good. My aim is not to watch any porn this month.

Going good so far. Meditating. Exercising. Developing new healthy habits instead of the bad ones.

Also, I've set up so that it's very difficult for me to watch porn. Installed porn blockers, not having access to passwords etc.

So far, so good. The flatline really sucks ass though.

Day 8

Force
 
Yeah, so hi. I'm Irish. As a people, we've our fair share of alcoholics and gamblers, yet somehow (and I don't know how) porn got its hooks in me. I guess I've been a porn addict on and off for over ten years now. And I hate it. It makes me less smart, less social, it messes with my mind and my confidence. It eats away at my self worth. Recently I've been trying to quit but I keep relapsing. I was having a porn free July until this weekend when I relapsed again and now I feel pretty crummy. So I figure maybe the only way to do this (quit porn for good) is to reach out to others who're going through the same thing and maybe we'll help each other get through this.

Anyone want to join/message in this thread is welcome. I'm gonna post regularly. Let you all know (and remind myself) how I'm getting on.

Today's day 1. The journey begins...
I can definitely relate to the boat you're in @forceisstrong2. It really sucks when you give it your all and by one slip up, feel like the whole world's come crushing down on you. I for one can barely go past through a week and have been trying to quit for the past eight years. It's no easy feat but we're here for a reason and it's because we want to be free, get better, take back control of our thoughts and mind.
All I can say is you're not alone and just hang in there. It's never easy but with time and resilience, it'll get better. I only wish a the best and stay strong
 

podvig

Member
This intense struggle allows you to cultivate self-control and self-discipline, which will lead you towards a more virtuous life. Right now, it seems like an impossible battle but in time, you will be rewarded. Keep fighting. Few men make it through this challenge and commit sincerely to these radical lifestyle changes. By defeating these base urges and winning the battle for our own souls, we can then lead other men to victory. God bless you, best of luck on your journey.
 
Hi Force.

Hey,

I haven't been on this forum in a while. I gave up porn for about a month during June. Last weekend, I relapsed, three day binge. I was very annoyed with myself afterwards. I'm on the road to recovery now, hopefully on the right path.

I have a simple goal at present. For the rest of this month, stay the fuck away from porn. Keep myself healthy by exercising, meditating, etc.

Whenever I have free time, I will post here. This forum really helps. Wishing everyone the best and stay strong.

Force

I wrote something about binges a while back (and not on this site). I'll quote it below with a few edits:




"Bingeing used to be a huge issue for me, and for a long time, but somehow in the last couple of years I got better at avoiding it. I don't think nearly enough emphasis gets placed on this issue and how to resolve it, unless I'm missing something. Often the advice seems to be:

"Don't binge."

But how do you avoid bingeing? Maybe I'll do a list of some things which I think help:

  • Do your best to never look at "actual", high-speed internet porn. Porn makes bingers out of non-bingers. It's a massive binge-promoting activity. P-subs, chat and all the rest of it, yes they can certainly "inspire" binges, but not to nearly the same extent, I don't think. Remove porn and a significant amount of bingeing goes away.
  • Have a "ritual" for when you reset. For me it's: get in the shower, put my clothes in the wash, maybe go for a walk or something, but as soon as it's "safe" to do so, tell someone about the slip online, or write it down somewhere. You may wish to perhaps tell someone who will not overreact in any way. Perhaps someone who has also reset recently. Don't be afraid to write quite a lot of stuff. You could write some things privately, to yourself, and some things to another person (or people). All this reinforces your resolve to get back on track. But be careful while online of course!
  • Distract yourself with hobbies and things like that. You could do any remotely positive "thing" instead.
  • Don't rely on willpower too much. If in doubt, put yourself in a less triggering environment, or strongly distract yourself and so on.
  • There's a book you can get free online called "Never Binge Again". Although it's about binge-eating, it applies well to this addiction too.
Anyway, hope this helps in some way, even if it's a case of, "Who does this guy think he is?" and it distracts you from urges that way lol."
 
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