I'm a porn addict (by far the crappiest, lamest addiction ever)

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Day 29 & 30.

Yeah, so a month and no porn. Pretty happy with myself. Couple of things I've noticed. The main one is mental health wise. It's a lot better. Lot less negativity. I'm not as anxious around people. Can have 'the craic' as they say in Ireland.

My next big goal is keep this streak running through August. Don't get cocky, don't relapse, fuck up again. I'll keep posting here every day. It's a good way to keep reminding myself daily that I'm doing well and can beat this crap.

The other benefit of not watching porn is that suddenly I've a shitload of free time. I feel like I should get a hobby or something!

Force!!!
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Day 31

Read a book called War of Art today. It's a book about unblocking one's creativity. A part of the book struck a cord, summed up my deeply unhealthy relationship with porn. Here's the quote:

"Sometimes Resistance takes the form of sex, or an obsessive preoccupation with sex. Why sex? Because sex provides immediate and powerful gratification. When someone sleeps with us, we feel validated and approved of, even loved. Resistance gets a big kick out of that. It knows it has distracted us with a cheap, easy fix and kept us from doing our work. Of course not all sex is a manifestation of Resistance. In my experience, you can tell by the measure of hollowness you feel afterward. The more empty you feel, the more certain you can be that your true motivation was not love or even lust but Resistance. It goes without saying that this principle applies to drugs, shopping, masturbation, TV, gossip, alcohol, and the consumption of all products containing fat, sugar, salt, or chocolate."
 

SimonM

Active Member
Day 29 & 30.

Yeah, so a month and no porn. Pretty happy with myself. Couple of things I've noticed. The main one is mental health wise. It's a lot better. Lot less negativity. I'm not as anxious around people. Can have 'the craic' as they say in Ireland.

My next big goal is keep this streak running through August. Don't get cocky, don't relapse, fuck up again. I'll keep posting here every day. It's a good way to keep reminding myself daily that I'm doing well and can beat this crap.

The other benefit of not watching porn is that suddenly I've a shitload of free time. I feel like I should get a hobby or something!

Force!!!
Congratulations! That's awesome! And I totally agree about getting a hobby. It can be very helpful to fill our time with something we look forward to. P is often about getting a dopamine high, and a good hobby can give you that too!
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Congratulations! That's awesome! And I totally agree about getting a hobby. It can be very helpful to fill our time with something we look forward to. P is often about getting a dopamine high, and a good hobby can give you that too!
Thanks Simon,

Yeah, I work a lot from home/on my computer. Every now and then I start to feel those thoughts - "just go on youtube, watch a video - bla, bla, bla." Those thoughts are hard to ignore. Often they lead to porn subs, like hot youtube videos, etc.

So I'm trying something today. I like reading poetry and cool song lyrics, etc. Every time my brain starts crying out for a dopamine hit, I read a new poem/new song lyrics. And what-do-you-know, by the time I've read the poem my brain is getting its dopamine hit - but it's a healthy one. An added bonus is that this activity doesn't lead down a youtube rabbit hole.

But yeah, a new hobbie. I make dig out my old surf board from the garden shed!

Day 32
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Day 32 that is awesome @forceisstrong2 ! isnt it wild as the fog clears how much more you can see, even if its about yourself or those around you?
Hey Wink,

Thanks for your awesomest comments!!! Yeah, for me as the fog clears it's like, fuck, my life really has got stuck in a rut. I'm really only seeing that now and I'm intending to make some big changes.

Great to hear from you buddy. We can do this!!!
 

WinkTinkTillium

Active Member
Hey Wink,

Thanks for your awesomest comments!!! Yeah, for me as the fog clears it's like, fuck, my life really has got stuck in a rut. I'm really only seeing that now and I'm intending to make some big changes.

Great to hear from you buddy. We can do this!!!
We 100% can do this! My holy crap i am in a rut my life is not what i wanted or how it should be wake up and that Porn Addiction & PIED is only one small piece due to lack of accountability to changing my whole self wake up call hit a few months ago after what 4 years of trying to kick it
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
We 100% can do this! My holy crap i am in a rut my life is not what i wanted or how it should be wake up and that Porn Addiction & PIED is only one small piece due to lack of accountability to changing my whole self wake up call hit a few months ago after what 4 years of trying to kick it
Thanks for the encouraging words @WinkTinkTillium.

Yeah, I think porn addiction - maybe all addictions - fuck up your brain. Certainly it has made me dumber, less of a social person, full of anxiety. I guess what's cool is that as the ole brain starts to get motoring again I begin to see how in so many small ways porn has really fucked my life up. It's like the ultimate self-sabotage, fucking myself up for no reason.

Anyway. Each day I feel like I'm getting stronger. Each day the old me is beginning to resurface. And it's saying never again.

If someone is reading this and is at the mo caught in the relapse loop, just know this... if you can stay off it for like 30 days, you do start seeing big changes in your life. And it's so worth it. Just find a way to stay away from the fucking thing for a few weeks. If that means taking a trip to a desert island with no internet connection for like a month, then do it!!! You won't regret it.

So... day 33
 

Warhawk88

Member
Great job on the 33 days! You're absolutely right. After 30 days, the changes do become more apparent, and it's well worth it. Keep up the awesome work dude.
 

WinkTinkTillium

Active Member
Anyway. Each day I feel like I'm getting stronger. Each day the old me is beginning to resurface. And it's saying never again.

If someone is reading this and is at the mo caught in the relapse loop, just know this... if you can stay off it for like 30 days, you do start seeing big changes in your life. And it's so worth it. Just find a way to stay away from the fucking thing for a few weeks. If that means taking a trip to a desert island with no internet connection for like a month, then do it!!! You won't regret it.
100% THIS! Love this
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Day 1

Thanks @WinkTinkTillium and @Warhawk88 - really appreciate it.

Okay. I fucked up last night. I was browsing mindlessly last night and next thing I found myself on an unexpected fucking porn site and anyway, yeah, back to day 1 and I'm not proud.

The one good thing about the whole fucked up situation is that it didn't develop into a crazy long binge. I'm really pissed off with myself today, obviously, but I do feel like it was a momentary lapse. Also, it reminded me that, fuck, staying away from this shit is for life. Once it gets its claws into me, I dunno, it's scary. It's like "concentrated evil" - touch it and everything that you are and you believe in explodes and it takes over.

Anyway, fuck it. I know I'm doing good. I'm back on this. And I say this with all my heart and soul - fuck porn!!!
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
That’s a great attitude, nothing to do but get back in there and try again! As long as we want it bad enough we will get there.
Hey, thanks @downhillfromhere - I really appreciate it.

Yeah, it's funny. The days after a relapse is always like walking on thin ice. Loads of times today my brain drifted to porn. I had to keep centering myself and letting the thoughts (they are just thoughts) go.

I do meditation. I did it tonight with a group. It really helps me. Not just with porn, but controlling my thoughts and my mental health in general.

I think as the porn fog clears, our mind reawakens. Simply put: porn is really bad for our mental health. Creates bad patterns/bad thoughts in our heads. Meditation really helps to focus the mind, clear it of negativity and helps one to focus on the important things and builds willpower.

Highly recommended. I honestly wouldn't be able to do this without it.

Day 2 (damn, I should be on day 35!!!)
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Day 4

Like last month, my aim is for the rest of August to be a porn-free month...

For me anyway, having a date to aim to kinda focuses the mind. "Yeah, I can stay away from porn until the end of August," says me mind.

Have a great porn-free weekend everybody!!!

Force
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
You can do it man.
Thanks @Blondie

Day 5

Watched two really inspirational videos from two sporting heroes and I thought I'd share.

The first is Kobe Bryant. He's talking about the power of meditation. His approach to meditation is really interesting. It's all about finding your inner voice and listening to the self.


The second video is Italian goalkeeping legend Gigi Buffon (it's in subtitles) and his fight back from depression.

 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Day 5, hell yea @forceisstrong2! one day at a time, you've got this!

Thank you for the video share's! I do appreciate Kobe's find 5 minutes piece and setting him up for the day.
Hey thanks @WinkTinkTillium and look at you tearing through the 40s. I should be just behind you in the late 30s now. I'm such an idiot!!!

Yeah, I don't know much about basketball, but Kobe seems like such an extraordinary human being, such an interesting guy. Love his Mamba mentality. I'm trying to implement some of that into my life.

Day 6 (but should be 39!!!!)
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Day 7

Okay, since my relapse my libido has like said "I'm outta here". There's nothing happening down there. It's like I'm only half a man or something. Anyway, yeah, I know, it'll return. But this flatline lark sucks.

By the way, one reason why counting days is good is that if you do break a long streak and have to begin again at 0, as the numbers slowly start to climb again the competitive part of the mind (my mind anyway) starts shouting: "look, at those numbers, you fool, you should be a 40 now instead of crappy 7." I guess what I am saying it's a long journey back - but of course so worth it.

Stay strong, stay off porn and be the man you know in your heart you were born to be.

Force
 
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